Sunday, November 01, 2015

Developmental Stages The Doctors Forget to Tell You About

We've noticed, now that we've had 8 kids, that there are developmental stages kids go through that nobody ever talks about.

Some stages we've noticed and roughly the age our kids hit that stage:

The "I did not give you permission to sit down, adult, and so I will wail" stage: 3-4 months
The "I must nurse right when everyone else wants to sit down for dinner" stage: 4 months
The "I must nurse right when we're supposed to walk out the door, even if I just ate 10 minutes ago" stage: 4 months
The "I'm bored and can see what everyone else can do, and my brain is ready but my body isn't" stage: 5 months
The "let me help you cook/lean toward the hot stove while you're trying to hold me while you make dinner" stage: 6 months
The "Just kidding! I don't sleep through the night any more!" stage: 6 months
The "rip your lips and nose off with my sharp claws" stage: 7-8 months
The "tries to turn head while nursing without letting go" stage: 8-9 months
The "flop around on the bed" stage: 8-9 months
The "Oh, look! It's Daddy--he'll hold me! Oh, Mommy--you hold me! Oh, look! It's Daddy--he'll hold me" passing-the-baby-back-and-forth-at-his-request stage: 7-8 months
The "Scratch and hit the wall for no reason" stage: 9-10 months
The "I'll feed You" stage: 9 months
The "oh, wait, I can actually lick stuff off my fingers?" stage: 9 months
The "I must watch the potty flush" stage: 9 months
The "nod with my whole body" stage: 9-10 months
The "I refuse to sleep in a crib any longer. I will not sleep unless you are holding me, even if I have slept alone my whole life" stage: 9-10 months
The "crawl in a room alone and close the door and sit in such a way that you can't get it open without hurting me and then wail because I'm stuck and you won't help me" stage: 10 months
The "crying real tears because my feelings are hurt" stage: 10 months
The "help you by unloading the dirty dishwasher onto the floor" stage: 10 months
The "I can do peekaboo by myself" stage: 8-10 months
The "hold me here by the light switch so I can turn it on and off and on and off by myself" stage: 11-12 months
The "I'll wave bye-bye to you, stranger who said bye bye to me, but only three or four minutes later after we've walked away and I can't see you anymore" stage: 10  months
The first "I say super cute things" stage: 1 year
The "I like to put things in and take things out" stage: 1 year
The "I want to stand on a chair and play in the sink" stage: 18 months-2 years
The "I can't sleep when you want me to, but I'll fall dead asleep on the kitchen floor at the strangest times" stage: 1-2 years
The "I love micro-short little nearly-plotless stories about me playing with toys or a puppy" stage: 18 months-2 years
The "I can do the actions to songs myself" stage: 1-2 years
The "line up toys in long straight lines" stage: 2 years
The "mommy is six years old and brother is eight and I am seven" stage: 2 years
The "wow. YouTube." stage: 2 years
The "hey, I can tell a joke and tease" stage: 2 years
The "hand soap on the mirror--I was cleaning it!" stage: 2-3 years
The "Love to play Pease Porridge Hot with Daddy" stage: 3 years
The "I will not answer to my name; you must call me ____" stage: 3 years
The second "I say super cute things" stage: 3 years
The "are mom and dad brother and sister?" and "what do you mean Grandma is Dad's mom?" stage: 3 years
The "I can anticipate where you are going so I'll stand right where you are trying to end up" stage: 3 years
The "making potions for hours" stage: 3-4 years
The "can I PLEASE go on the roof?" stage: 3-4 years
The "I refuse to go to bed" stage: 4 years
The "I refuse to let anyone else go to bed, either" stage: 4 years
The "Suddenly I'm afraid of everything at night" stage: 4 years
The "I can't sleep because I'm hungry" stage: 4 years
The "I came up to go potty in the middle of the night but I had to wake you up to tell you first" stage: 4 years
The "Please can I sleep on the couch while you sit up next to me all night" stage: 4 years
The "river system/I like to play in running water and mud" stage: 4-5 years (and beyond, but it really starts at 4-5 years)
The "it doesn't look like I imagined it so I'm going to tear it up and melt down into a puddle on the floor and refuse to do ___ ever again! Loudly!" stage: 5 years
The "okay so maybe I don't actually care if you're cooking something, I don't need to stand on a chair and help/watch" stage: 5 years
The "oh, maybe I actually _don't_ want to come to the store with you" stage: 6 years
The "drawing a lot of comics" stage: 6 years
The "I delight in absurdity" stage: 6 years
The "I want to cook things on the stove myself" stage: 7 years
The "I have a lot of great ideas at bedtime and want to tell you all of them before I sleep" stage: 8 years on up
The "I think I'm going to write a novel" stage: 8.5 years
The "I'm so glad I'm weird, right?" stage: 10 years

Do you have more to add that you've noticed?

1 comment:

morelightthanburden said...

I can identify with so many of these. Wish I could add some more of my own :)