Getting the good days to come....my 10+ tips for surviving fibro

With fibro, I don't have a lot of control over how functional I'll be from one day to the next.

But I'm starting to discover I do have a little control.

There are certain things I can do that help me be MORE functional (and, surprisingly, not eating sugar is not as high on the list as I thought).

Here are the things, in order of importance:

1. Sleep enough. If I don't get enough sleep, none of the rest of these will help me at all. Sleeping enough means I have to sleep when my body wants it (not when society says, so for me at 3:00 am) for as long as my body wants it (so no alarm clocks allowed). I usually need to sleep a minimum of 9 hours to have a good day. If I don't have a vivid dream that I remember when I wake up, I didn't sleep long enough.

2. Take vitamins. At night before bed, I have to take a prenatal vitamin or multivitamin, 2 calcium, and a magnesium. I can skip the prenatal vitamin, but not the calcium and magnesium. In the morning, if I remember, I take potassium and fish oil. I can take the fish oil at bedtime, but if I do it too many nights in a row, then I can't fall asleep. I'm still trying to figure out how to get the fish oil worked out right, but it definitely makes a difference.

3. Make myself get up and move around. It's so SO tempting to sit in my comfy chair all day every day, but I really feel better when I get up and do very gentle exercise every day. The key is that it has to be easy, gentle exercises that don't stress my body at all. No impacts, no tensing muscles, no breaking a sweat or getting the heartbeat going. A nice gentle walk in cool weather works wonders. Hiking, calmly and in a relaxed way without carrying anything, is also great--I think because the mountain air keeps me cool, but I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I love being out in nature and that makes the exercise more relaxing--it's kind of the opposite of a gym. Gym=evil for me.

4. Eat and drink enough. Drink only water. ONLY. Healthy food helps a lot, but sugar has less impact than I thought it did if I'm doing the previous three things. If I'm not, then sugar is really bad stuff. Mostly, though, I find that the advice in the Word of Wisdom works well: Lots of fruits and veggies, lots of grains, meat (but sparingly), and then don't worry too much about the details of it. Often, when I'm already hurting, drinking hot cocoa, hot postum, hot cafix, hot cider helps immensely. I think it's the holding the hot cup more than anything, though, not what's in it.

5. Control my movements, especially avoiding holding a position (doubly especially with any muscle tensed). Never repeat a motion more than 5 times without changing the activity a bit, never hold my arms out or up, especially with anything in them (holding a cup half full of water out to a child has been known to make me lose my temper because it causes pain). Never tense a muscle and hold it that way. I read once that people with fibro should imagine an old fashioned hoop skirt hanging from their shoulders and never move their arms outside that shape. It really does help. I have to be careful to let my body "float"--not let my wrists and hands push down into the keyboard, not hold the steering wheel tensely when I drive, not hold things tightly or move with any kind of jarring motions. I can't carry heavy things because that requires me to "tense and hold" my muscles, and that's bad. Standing (like in line) for too long is very bad because it is a whole body "hold," and holding a position is painful. Sitting in a car for a long time is the same.

6. Avoid impacts. Kids banging into me, bumping into objects, walking hard (stomping my feet, for example, or jumping), getting hugged or kissed too suddenly--all are not good. This includes all kinds of sensory impacts, not just touch impacts--sudden bright lights, sudden strong smells (like from perfumes and lotions) and sudden noises are impacts, too. Emotional impacts are also on the "out" list--no fighting, no getting yelled at, no emotional extremes without any buildup or let down--I try to stay as level as possible. My lucky kids--I pay if I get mad at them, so I try not to. (Sometimes this is inevitable--I do have six kids, after all, and sometimes they get in trouble; often, though, if I'm losing my temper it's because I'm in pain, not because of something they did; pain is common, so I ignore it until it must be dealt with, and then I often experience it emotionally first, through anger, and physically afterward, when I realize I'm hurting all over). This one is the hardest to control--by nature, impacts are not expected.

7. Stay away from tight and bulky things--especially things you wear that are tight or bulky. Anything that squeezes at all is too tight--nylons squeezing my legs, socks squeezing my ankles, skin-tight shirts squeezing my arms, waistbands squeezing my waist, earrings pinching my ears, hats squeezing my head--all are bad. Even gentle squeezes from clothing can make a whole limb ache. And I can't stand to have shirts (or anything else) tight around my upper arms, or have anything touching my armpits. It's just bad. I can barely stand to wear glasses because they squeeze my nose and ears (or else fall off). I am very limited in hairstyles I can use because I can't blow dry my hair (that's a tense-and-hold position) or put anything in my hair that makes it squeeze my head. Interestingly, I find it especially important to not have anything pushing on my toes. I can't wear nylons because they squeeze my toes. I can't wear shoes that touch my toes almost at all (shoes, in fact, are a serious issue for me--finding shoes that don't make my whole body hurt within a few minutes is very difficult, and when I find them, I wear them until they literally fall apart and can no longer be worn. My shoes have to be easy to get on, not touch my toes, soft to wear, loose but not take any effort to keep on....it's tricky!). Also, no layers (too bulky).

8. Sit when I get the urge to sit, and then only on my soft chair that reclines a little too far and cradles my back in just the right way. Sometimes I only have to sit for 5 minutes and then I can get up and get moving again, but when my body says, "Sit now," I HAVE to sit--right then--or I pay for it. Sitting on hard chairs, benches, the floor, or even the wrong kind of "soft" chair is a nightmare that makes my whole body hurt. Church is especially hard because of this.

9. Avoid temperature extremes, but especially cold. Getting too cold makes my whole body ache. Ironically, though, the things you usually use to bundle up and stay warm are all tight or bulky, and both of those are bad. My husband got me a pair of leather gloves lined with something soft, and those have been heavenly--they're a size too big, so they don't squeeze anywhere, but they keep my hands warm when I drive. I wear coats that are a little big, and my mom got me a scarf that has a hood sewn into it, so I can keep my head warm in the winter without anything ever squeezing it. I also very much enjoy the hot wax bath for my hands that I "adopted" from my mother.

10. Avoid medications as much as possible. The side effects as so much worse, usually, than whatever I'm dealing with that it's just not worth it.

11. Get in the sunshine often, but without getting hot. Sitting in the sun and getting hot doesn't help, but sitting in the sunshine when there's a cool breeze, or when I'm eating a popsicle--that helps. Sitting in the pool DOESN'T help. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because the reflection of the sun on the water is too bright, or because a pool is rarely quiet, and calm, or maybe because I don't like getting my face wet, so being around the threat of getting my face wet is too tense, or maybe it's too much chemicals. I try to avoid chemicals.

What doesn't work? Exercise (other than the extremely gentle ones I mentioned before), high anything diets (for me, fibro control is all about balance, levelness, gentleness to myself), massage (feels so nice when I'm getting one, but my whole body hurts for a week after), "toughing it out," pushing my way through the pain, walking it off, working when I'm tired, getting 8 hours of sleep on a regular schedule,

Interestingly, if I can a) get enough sleep, b) get my vitamins, and c) control my environment to adjust to all the rest of these, then I am a fairly functional person. I still can't pick up toys, but I can get a lot of things done, can have meaningful interactions with my kids, can avoid taking any medications (for sleep, for depression, for anxiety, or for pain, all of which most people with fibro need). What more could I ask?

I have a lot of friends and family with fibro, and as I write this, I'm curious: What do you do to survive? Any tips or tricks that work for you?

Ten Years Ago....

This is what Tim was doing: http://straycat.net/photos/slc2002/Feb-19/slc2002-044.html

See that firefighter with the beard? Yup. That's Tim.

And I narrowly missed being killed by a hockey puck because I dropped my ticket and bent down to pick it up....

Did I just read that?

From KSL.com: "BOUNTIFUL -- Last March, Julene Weaver gave birth to her daughter Sarai in her home, the first of her three births carried out that way. " http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=19029387&title=more-women-opting-for-home-births

She had three babies at home since last March? That's tricky. She has 3-month gestations? That would be nice...

Latest from the Kazoo Man

And I bet you didn't know Tim can make a kazoo rap.

Did I just read that?

"Wednesday, the Utah Legislature considered changes to the state sex offender registry, mandating college entrance exams for all high school students as well as changing the definition of emotional abuse in nursing homes, among other bills." Another from KSL.com's home page today.


So right now the sex offender registry apparently doesn't mandate high school students take the ACT, and the sex offender registry has defined what consists of emotional abuse in nursing homes.


Does that mean the state sex offender registry is another name for the Utah Legal Code?  What does that say about Utah's congress?

Did I just read that?

"A man is holding himself hostage at the Rite Aid pharmacy on 150 N, 900 W in Salt Lake City."  From the home page of KSL.com today.


That is tricky. He's not allowing himself to leave? Hmmm....

More reading program frustrations...

Can you tell I'm building a reading program right now?

Yeah.

I've looked at dozens (if not hundreds) of "how to read" activities online, and I have found a consistent pattern: the teachers think that in order to learn how to read, the students have to have a fundamental understanding of how reading works. (And this is categorically not true.)

So the activities have students doing things like identifying the diphthongs and the digraphs--using those vocabulary words, even--or identifying different phonemes.

The trouble is, it isn't necessary to know those things to learn how to read. It's necessary to know those words to discuss reading education, but to learn how to read? You don't need to know that "TH" is a digraph. You just need to know the sound it makes you when you come across it--both sounds, actually ("That" and "Teeth" have different TH sounds).

So these "brilliant" reading ed specialists who make these programs consistently teach things that are confusing and unnecessary, and they continue to insist that "ink" is an example of the short "i" sound--as in "pink"--and that "oo" is an example of the long U sound--as in "boot" and "foot" (because we pronounce them "beaut" and "fewt," right?) Someone needs to teach all these experts how to hear!

And then they wonder why the kids can't read.

Nathanael says,

Nathanael's primary goal in life is to get big.

Yesterday, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He didn't understand what I was asking, so I tried to clarify: "Do you want to be a doctor?"

"No," he answered solemnly. "I want to be bigger than the doctor!"

Tim has a strange job

This is what he did this week:

Diaper Duty...

I have two kids in diapers right now. I've had two in diapers for years now, and three in diapers for a little while at one point.  And last night I finally hit a wall where I suddenly realized I was sick of changing diapers. After over 10 years of having someone in diapers all the time (and usually more than one someone), I finally got sick of it.

So I started doing a little math. I estimated that the kids average out at about 6 diapers a day for 3 1/2 years before they're potty trained. (8-10 per day as newborns and for a big chunk of the first year, but it peters off to about 4-6 per day for the last two years, depending on the kid.

That means I've changed around 39,420 diapers as of today.

Yikes. And at least 6500 to go just for Nathanael and Elijah. And if we have two more kids (we've planned on having 8 for many years now), that would add another 15,330 diapers to the total....I guess I'd better stop thinking about it. I have a long way to go, and a lot more diapers to see before I'm done.

(And I estimate I will have changed over 61,000 diapers by the time I potty train my last child.....YIKES!).

Reviewing Reading Resources--ouch

I don't know why people who write educational content are not very accurate with their content. It's driving me crazy!!!

Funny does not mean "full of fun."

'wh-' makes a different sound in "Who" and "What"

"Ankle" is not an example of the short a sound.

And "ink" is not an example of ANY 'i' sound, short or long. It makes the long e sound, as does "pink."

Oh, and "sight word" means you cannot sound the word out using the rules of standard English. "Girl" is a sight word. So is "margarine."  "Light" is not actually a sight word (it follows the rule that says that "igh" makes the long i sound). "That" is not a sight word. Neither is "She" or "go," but "do" is.

Biggest pet peeve, though, is "leveled readers" that include words and sounds the student hasn't learned yet. And also "leveled readers" that have too many words in them. Reading, at first, is exhausting. First readers for K-level emerging readers should have 2 words for the students to decode.

There.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I have come to the conclusion that the best reading educational program is a reader and someone who wants to know how to read, a pen, and a paper. And lots of time. All the programs in the world can't compensate for a lack of one-on-one reading teaching. It's really the best way.

Strawberry Shortcake

Daniel informed me this week that we needed to have strawberry shortcake. Since strawberries were on sale, I thought that was a good idea. 

So today we tried it.

When my family had strawberry shortcake, we really meant strawberries and cream on angel food cake. Some people mean strawberries and spray cream on those little fake sponge cakes they sell in the stores by the bread. 

I had read recipes for strawberry shortcake before, though, and I knew it was supposed to be more like a biscuit than a cake. 

So tonight I pulled out four cookbooks and compared recipes. I picked the one that was the least amount of work (Thank you "Bed and Breakfast Cookbook"!). It said it made six, and I was going to double the recipe until I saw it had four cups of flour in it. I didn't think I needed to double it, and I was right. I made eight shortcakes, and they came out HUGE--as big as a small plate, not nearly the size of a biscuit like I had guessed (those, it turns out, belonged to the recipe in the 1950 edition of the "American Cookbook"--in that recipe, though, you had to roll them out and cut them, and then stack two biscuits and bake them that way).

And our conclusion:

There is a reason strawberry shortcake ends up in so many cookbooks. That was GOOD. It would have been better with real whipped cream, but when I was shopping yesterday I stood in front of the cream for a long time and couldn't remember why I thought I needed to buy it, so I didn't buy it. So we were stuck with cool whip. But with real fresh strawberries and real shortcakes--YUM. 

Yet more yogurt adventures

We tried more than one new kind of yogurt this week.

One of them was almond milk "yogurt," raspberry flavored, sweetened with fruit juice. It was called amande, I think.

One word:  Inedible.

More Yogurt Adventures

The guy at the Sunflower Market today told me that Noosa yogurt was very popular and that the word on the street was it's more addictive than drugs.

And it was on sale.

So I tried it.


He was right.

Noosa is a local company, though, so you might not have this most yummy of treats in your area, and I'm so sad for you if you don't. It might be worth driving to Colorado to get some.

Nathanael says,

Upon being handed a bowl of chicken and broccoli soup for dinner, Nathanael said (in the most plaintive voice), "Aaahh. I wanted a plate of marshmallows for dinner!"

The "New" Living Room so far

The wall gallery. There are 14 pictures hung on this one wall (not all are in the photo). Eventually, we'll have a piano where the two computers are, I hope, but for now we need the screens. Also, ignore the stuff piled everywhere--we're emptying cupboards and bookshelves to move them.

The ceiling fan I put together and installed, plus the temp shade. We're watching for a smaller one, but this is the only glass shade at the store the day we looked. For now, it works.

So that's the start in here. Moving forward...next step is moving bookshelves and cupboards. Then building a new full-wall shelving system with two built-in computer stations. Hooray!

Re-doing things part 2

We aren't just re-doing the living room.

I've noticed lately that Tim is on the cusp of a music revolution.

It's not all that new--he's been developing it for 10 years. But he's just right on the verge of going over the cliff now, and it's kind of exciting.

What we both noticed is that invariably, a cappella music, both recorded and live, is mixed as solo vocals with background vocals. This makes sense at first glance because all the music is being produced vocally.

But it doesn't leave the finished product with a deeply satisfying sound. It sounds rather vapid, bloodless and soulless (although harmonic). Even when a cappella groups cover dance songs, they never make you want to get up and move. They're just kind of there, being a cute novelty.

Two days ago, Tim sat me down in front of his great studio speakers and said, "Listen," and he began to play songs for me, starting with one by Nine Inch Nails (who I've never listened to ever before. Ever.). We went through a few songs--NIN, the Killers, a couple of rock groups with Eastern European folk influences, Midnight Oil, and more--and I started to hear what Tim was hearing. In the mixing of these rock songs, instruments are not treated the same way as vocals. Especially in rock music (not as much in Pop, especially since modern boy bands came along 20 years ago) instruments are pushed way more forward in the mix than background vocals, so that they are almost competing with the lead vocals (but not quite). Rock is mixed more like live orchestral music or live big band music--every part makes an equal sound to every other part, with the lead or solo line being pushed front and center, but not by too much.

I've been telling Tim that I wanted his recordings and live performances to not hold back, and to have an edge that they have been almost hitting but not quite, and when I listened to all the rock music, I understood what was missing: the background vocals needed to be mixed like instruments, treated like instruments, and given the musical status of instruments, not of background singers. The instruments are core, essential parts of the music. The background singers in most songs are color.  Can you imagine if they put the drums, bass, and guitar into a rock song in a sort of secondary role? The songs would be vapid, bloodless, and soulless.

Just like a cappella is 99% of the time, especially in recording.

And with technology the way it is now, there is no excuse for this.

Tim doesn't want to go from doing things all vocal to fronting a band. There is a sound quality that voices produce--even heavily effected voices--that is unique. You wouldn't want to substitute a tuba in for an electric bass, right? It's just a different sound, even if they can hit the same notes. Same with voices for Tim.  But he wants the voices colored and mixed and "placed" right in the performances and recordings.

Interestingly, one of his good friends stopped by this week with a new toy--a super-cool mega effects pedal. When they were playing with it, I was upstairs and couldn't tell if they had turned on a professional music track or if they were looping. It sounded AWESOME. And the new effects pedal pushed everything into that realm that Tim was looking to reach. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, it's an instrument effects pedal, not a voice effects pedal.

Tim's friend, Matt, pretty  much summed it up. He told Tim, "I don't want to sound like a voice anymore."

So the revolution has begun.

And I predict that very soon people will no longer try to class Tim with the singer-songwriters at events, and nobody will ever again try to put him in a little cafe in the corner at festivals...any more than you would put the Killers there.

Tim is finally defining his sound, and I think it's going to surprise you. In a good way.

We're re-doing things around here....

I stared at my house for a long time the week before Thanksgiving, and I realized that we never really moved in to this house.

We've been here for a little over 2 years now (this second time around), and we never really unpacked boxes. Never really unstacked the boxes, even.

Consequently, everything was everywhere, and when we cleaned it was just boxing up the chaos again and moving the boxes to a different spot.

I decided I needed to do something about that.

Then Tim got us a couch for Christmas, and that spurred the change. We needed to make a space to put the couch in.  Right on the heels of that, the one lamp we had in the living room burned out and I couldn't find the right specialty bulb for it, and it was broken anyway--propped up in the corner by a table because it could no longer stand on its own.

I sat down one night and thought through every single room and what I wanted to do to make it right. And I sent the list to Tim. The next day he came home with the shelf I wanted for the bathroom.

Not long after, we sat up one night after the kids were in bed and talked through the whole living room, puzzling out how to rearrange it.

So when Tim went to Vegas, I took down the Christmas tree. Then, as soon as he was back, we started changing things up.

First, I re-did the living room arrangement--took out the table full of mostly-unused computers, moved a bookshelf and my rocking chair, put in the couch.

Then I tackled the lighting problem. For a couple of days, Tim and I searched for one of those lights you hang from a hook and run a chain to the outlet--swag lights, I learned they were called. No good. Nobody's made those for years, and even the people at the thrift stores hadn't seen one come through in a long long time. But on one of my loops through Home Depot, I discovered they make a swag chain kit for a ceiling fan!

Every summer for years now, since 2004 when we bought this house, I've wished for a ceiling fan in the living room. But we don't have an overhead light fixture in the living room, and, to complicate things, we have no attic or crawl space, so installing a ceiling fixture seemed impossible, and a ceiling fan doubly so. So finding a swag chain kit for a ceiling fan got me all excited.

I bought that. The next day, I went out in search of a ceiling fan to install. I finally found one in a box at the local thrift store for $6. There were others, some even all put together, but they cost more. A quick survey let me know that all the parts--including the installation manual--except the glass cover for the light bulbs was there. Even the screws were all in the box. The fan was dirty, but it was complete. So I bought it, brought it home, and started searching for instructions for installing a ceiling fan.

Turns out there are tons of instructions, but none for installing one directly to the joist, not to an electrical box. Finally, I took the hanging bracket to the Home Depot and asked for the right hardware. Turns out there is a kit for installing ceiling fans directly to the joist! So I bought that.

Then, with three kits, three sets of poor-written instructions (one set with no words, and pictures that were so tiny they were impossible to read), and no overall instructions, I set to work. I opened everything and examined all the parts, dragged the ladder in from the garage roof (where it's been for 3 months because I was too lazy to move it), and got to work.

I quickly discovered that people with fibro arm pain shouldn't install things on the ceiling. I also discovered that Elijah likes ladders and is perfectly willing to climb them. Still, I got the mounting plate up working 5 minutes at a time, resting 10 minutes to half an hour between.  Every time I got off the ladder, I had to fold it up and lay it on the floor again so the baby wouldn't go up.

The biggest problem I had was the ceiling mounting box had a hole for the swag chain kit to attach to, but it was the wrong shape and size. I tried a zillion different things (or it felt like it anyway), but nothing would hold for long enough for me to get the box and the mounting bracket attached to the ceiling plate--especially since I couldn't do it without immense pain in my arms.

Finally, I MacGyvered it with a couple of paper clips, and it worked. Tim had to mount the box and the hanging bracket (which go on at the same time), though, because I just couldn't hold my arms up over my head that long. (Sometimes, I am reminded dramatically that fibro is a disability).

Once that mess was solved, the rest of the installation was very straightforward. We got the motor mount and canopy up, the fan blades assembled and installed, and the light fixture installed without too much trouble (from them anyway--the kids were another matter). Plugged it in, and--voila!--an overhead light and ceiling fan, in the living room. They're elegant, too. I am very excited and pleased.

Thank goodness Tim came home to do the overhead work though. He had spent most of the evening giving a lecture on the historical origins of modern college a cappella, comedy a cappella, and the Yale Whiffenpoofs at DU for their music series (my husband is a genius, by the way, in case you hadn't noticed...).

Now I just have one more swag hook to install (it got to be bedtime, so I had to quit working), and the glass piece to buy tomorrow, and then we'll be on to part 3 of the living room: designing and building built-in shelves/cupboards for the living room so we can put away all the junk that has been sitting around in boxes for 2 years.

Six

Tim showed me a few pictures of my best friend from 3rd grade on facebook. She's all grown up now, of course, with her own family.  And when I saw her family, my first thought was, "HOLY COW! Look at all those kids!"

And then I counted.

She has six.

Oh. Um....

I have six.

No wonder people stare at me when I go to the grocery store with everyone!

Nathanael says,

Nathie and I went to the store on New Year's Eve.  As we walked past the milk, he noticed the cartons of milk (we always buy jugs). The Horizon Brand especially caught his eye--it has a picture of a cow on the carton.

"Look, mom!" he said, "Cow juice! Wait.....um?"

Christmas

The only thing I've wanted for Christmas for 4 or 5 years in a row was to hear Tim sing "O Holy Night". And this year he got to!

But Elijah was fussing because he wanted to go up and be with Daddy, and Benji was seriously on one--as hyperactive as I've ever seen him, all over the stand, sticking his head into the piano, running, throwing fits....Out Of Control.  So half way through the first verse, it became imperative I take them both out (since this was all happening during sacrament meeting).

So I stood in the lobby sobbing while one sister took Elijah, another took Benji (who ran across the chapel one way, and then across the stage the other a minute later). He escaped from both of us, so she took the other kids and I had Benji, and then his teacher had him (Tim said it was like watching the Keystone Cops routine).

And I just cried and cried and missed it.

Even after the song, the bishop's talk, the end of the meeting, Benji was running off, caught, running off, caught. It got so that every time I passed someone in the ward (afterward, when they were all socializing), they would just point and say, "He went that way" so I managed to navigate the maze of humans along the path Benji squirmed and ran over and over. And then we were getting everyone else's coats on and someone came in and said, "He's out playing in the snow" and by the time we got out there, he was down the block to the corner, half-way home.

And by the time I got home, he was in the back yard playing on the swings, and Tim was exhausted, and I was a wreck.

Merry Christmas to us. Some day no doubt I'll laugh (no doubt the rest of the ward was laughing), but for now, I'm discovering that it's possible to be so disappointed that you feel it in your gut, and it makes me sick with sorrow.

Maybe next year....

Did I just read that?

"Depression and Sleep: Getting the Right Amount" http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-report/major-depression/depression-and-sleep-the-right-amount.aspx?xid=ob_cs_abilify

Because there is a right amount of depression you need to have...

Did I just read that?

from ABC news: " "His recovery was really remarkable considering the extent of his lethal injuries."" http://abcnews.go.com/Health/arizona-accident-victim-emerges-coma-poised-donate-organs/story?id=15208351#.TvZamdRSSbE

Recovering from anything lethal is remarkable, indeed.

Also, sometimes doctors say stupid things.

Descent into sleep madness

Last Wednesday, we slept from about 6:00 am until about 3:00 pm.  That was our normal last week--and I was trying to figure out what to do to fix it because it's just the wrongest hours I can think of.

Wednesday night, I got the kids into bed by 4:00 am, and the little kids at 6:00 am. Big kids were supposed to sleep a few hours before they had to get up for their one-day-a-week adventure with school. When I came to wake them at 7:30 am, I hadn't gone to sleep at all yet, and it turned out neither had Caleb or Anda, and Dan had only slept an hour or 90 minutes.

But they got up and I got them to school. Daniel, overtired, had a hard time letting me leave, so I was there until nearly 9:00 am. I came home and went to bed for my Wednesday night but it was clearly Thursday daytime. I couldn't fall asleep until 11:00 am. Then I had to get up and get everyone else up at 1:00 so I could take the little kids to see the big kids' Christmas concert (which was great--the kids performed a bunch of times and did well).

When we got home, Caleb and Anda went to bed by 4:00 pm, and so did the rest of us. Except, amazingly, Nathanael, who stayed awake playing computer games. Elijah woke up at 7:30 pm, and an hour later Nathanael crashed to sleep, and Benji and Dan woke up an hour later. And then Nathanael woke up at 11:00 pm. That's Thursday night.

So then Anda and Caleb woke up at 3:30 am for Friday morning, and Tim went to sleep for Thursday night at 4:40 am, and then the little boys and I didn't get into bed for Thursday night until 6:00 am, but then Elijah couldn't sleep because people were awake--until he crashed out at 8:00 am. Or was it 10:00 am?

Friday we were supposed to go to a homeschoolers party, but Tim had to call an emergency rehearsal, so we just slept right through the party--couldn't get there anyway, with no car and all.

So we woke up around 4:00 pm, and Anda and Caleb had been awake and on their own all day. Anda went back to bed at 8:00 pm, and Caleb drifted around until I forced him into bed at 1:00 am, many many many hours after he woke up the previous morning at 3:30 am.

With the big kids sleeping, I was delighted I could get the little kids into bed by 3:15 am. Everyone was asleep--success! So I made the cheesecakes for the ward party on Saturday and rejoiced.

I was ready for bed by 6:00 am, and then Anda woke up. And so did Nathanael, Benji, and Daniel. And then Caleb. And they woke Elijah. At 8:00 or 10:00 (sometime in there), Tim took the wide awake baby and let me sleep some.  Eventually he came back to bed, too.

So baby and I slept until about 4:30 pm. And then we had a crazy time getting ready for the ward party and going. The kids all sat at the table picking at their dinner and begging to be allowed to go home and to bed.

So we eventually came home and by now it was 9:00 on a Saturday night, and everyone went to bed. Everyone. Even me and Tim. I rejoiced in our miracle--our sleep schedule was fixed!

I rejoiced too soon.

Elijah woke up from what he considered at afternoon nap at 11:00 pm.  Nathanael, Benji, and Dan followed at 4:00 am (and Elijah hadn't gone back to sleep at that point). With everyone else up, Elijah was delighted--and he wouldn't go back to sleep.

At 7:30 am, I went to bed anyway, and Tim woke up from Elijah crawling all over him and Tim, who had been asleep the whole night, got up. Unfortunately, Tim hadn't slept at the right hours for his internal clock, so he was deeply exhausted still. I tried to sleep, but, being a mommy, I don't sleep well when kids are awake.

Elijah finally FINALLY came back to bed and fell asleep. 4 minutes later, my alarm rang to get people to church.  Dan apparently went back to bed at some point, too, because he was sleeping in the crib in my room.

I went back to bed, hoping to sleep some, and Tim took all the kids to church, where Nathanael promptly fell asleep and, while Tim was dealing with him, Benji slipped away and was caught by our home teacher--walking home by himself!

So Nathanael was carried home and put to bed (and didn't wake up until we woke him at 8:00 pm--he fell asleep around noon). Benji went back to church, finished church, but went back to sleep before I got up for the day at 5:00 pm--and he was also wakened at 8:00 pm but refused to stay awake.

Caleb wanted to go to bed at 6:00 pm, but gamely stayed awake until 8:00. Anda went to bed at 9:00 pm. Elijah had a short nap at 9:00 pm.

And we got to Sunday night with no resolution in sight--big kids are in bed on the right schedule. Nathanael thinks he's on Monday morning, but sleeping noon to 8:00 pm is totally unacceptable, even for us. I doubt Elijah will go to bed again until dawn because he woke up at 5:00 pm. By then, the big kids will be awake, and neither he nor I will be able to sleep....

This is more of a nightmare than before! At least in the past we were all sleeping at the same wrong time....

Did I just read that?

" Adults with ADHD scored less well on seven EF assessments compaired to adults with ADHD." http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201112/the-curse-being-gifted/adhd-and-high-iq-still-impaired

Compaired? Adults with ADHD score less well than adults with ADHD. That's tricky.

Did I just read that?

 From Boulder Craigslist gig ad today: "I want to illiterate that is film is NON pornographic" http://boulder.craigslist.org/tlg/2758771896.html


Illiterate indeed.

Did I just read that?

From the LL Bean Holiday Catalog that came in the mail: "Premium suede make these classic gloves more durable than similar styles you'll find--and at this price you can buy more than one!"

Good thing because I have more than one hand!

(Oh, and PS: suede makes, suedes make. Just an fyi.)

Nathanael says,

"I'm not firsty. I'm firsty for the frosting on top of my cookie!"

Did I just read that?

""I've never had any discussion that resembled that with Speaker Gingrich," Linda Upmeyer said of Bergman's remarks. "I have no doubt there are people that reject Mormonism but I've never engaged in a conservation regarding that, ever." http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57342648-503544/gingrich-iowa-staffer-resigns-after-cult-of-mormon-comment/


Never engaged in a conservation? What?

Did I just read that?

"24-year-old woman breaks both legs after UTA bus hits her"

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=960&sid=18465328&title=24-year-old-woman-breaks-both-legs-after-uta-bus-hits-her

She was so mad  at that bus that she went and broke both her legs. I wonder how she managed it?

The first line of the story gives a little hint: "WEST VALLEY CITY — A 24-year-old woman had both her legs broken after being hit by a UTA bus Monday."  So she got someone to help her--maybe a mobster. They have experience.

Hint for the journalist: adverbs are not interchangeable.  "When" is the one you wanted, not "after."

Google is obeying the law--and making kids cry

Federal law makes it hard for kids under 13 to have accounts on the internet except through their schools. Homeschooled kids are out of luck--we can't get Google Education products because you have to be an accredited school to get them.

I needed my kids to be online. I wanted them to write blogs. I wanted them to be able to make and post videos. I wanted them to email assignments to me, and to be tech literate. I assign them to make websites for school. They share google docs with friends and cousins in other states so they can work on collaborative projects. They turn in assignments via google docs.

But I couldn't legally get them their own accounts. So I set up accounts under my name and let them use them. At least, I was pretty sure that's how I arranged it.

Yesterday, news started leaking out that Google was cracking down on kids using the service, deleting the accounts without warning--not even enough time to back up your work, download letters from Grandma or Dad, copy your blog posts to a word document. All to follow Federal law (which once again takes control from the parents, since obviously we can't keep our own kids safe).

So today I set out to figure out if I set up the accounts right--as my own accounts, which I was letting the kids use--since I know at least two of those accounts were set up before that law went into effect.  Turns out it is nearly impossible to find out what information you gave google when you signed up. It isn't in your profile anywhere. We did find one hint--you can set your YouTube account (which is a google account) to tell your gender and age, and you can't modify those two pieces of data on your YouTube profile. So presumably that information comes from your original login information. For both Caleb and Anda, those were listed as Female, 35. That would be me--so I set them up right. I think. But I can't be sure Google will honor that, given that I allow my children to use the accounts. I don't see that as any different than if they were sending emails from the account I use most, or not. I also have a google account that is used exclusively by my phone.  Large companies can be both arbitrary and capricious, and once the info is gone, there is no guarantee I'd ever get it back.

But I couldn't be absolutely sure, so I spent a big chunk of the day backing up and downloading copies of everyone's accounts onto my computer. Every blog post, every google doc, every email. We used dataliberation.org and some of the tools they have there to even download backup copies of the kids' google sites (and I backed up my sites at the same time). I also set up a new hotmail account and have the kid's email accounts forwarding to that (via POP mail) into their own back up folders on hotmail (since you can't just download backups of your email--you have to use a POPmail service).

So now I'm confident we won't lose everything if Google decides me letting the kids use my accounts is a TOS violation.

I'd still be pretty devastated if they did that, though. Too bad they discriminate against homeschoolers!

Baked Alaska

I realized the other day that the kids always eat the ice cream and the frosting when we have birthday cake, but never the cake. So I thought it might be fun to have an ice cream cake.

While I was researching how to make one, I came across several recipes for baked alaska.

I've always wanted to try that. So for Elijah's first birthday party tonight, we had baked alaska.

It was fairly dramatic to pull an ice cream cake out of the oven. It tasted great, too. But as soon as we broke the meringue shell, the meringue all slid off onto the baking sheet. I think we had too much meringue on it (the recipe called for 8 egg whites, and I'm pretty sure we only needed 3), so when the top browned and set, it became too heavy for the underneath layer, which didn't cook. That's my guess anyway.

That was a fun adventure. This time I used vanilla ice cream and strawberry ice cream, with a layer of frozen berries and mangoes in between. Next time, I think I'd like chocolate chocolate chunk ice cream with raspberry ice cream, with a layer of fresh raspberries frozen between.

Turns out ice cream cakes can be more work than a regular cake--especially if you turn them into a large baked alaska.

Fun adventure, though! Worth trying, for sure. Tim said, "Next time, we should do it for an adult party. They'd appreciate it more".  Next time I'm using a smaller bowl to mold the ice cream "bombe," too.

I don't want to miss it.

Robert Downey, Jr., said, "“It’s so easy in life to get caught up with the ‘now I am in a good spot, now I am in a bad spot’ but the thing is to turn it up to 110 degrees and stir slowly. I don’t want to miss what is actually happening.” http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/12/10/robert-downey-jr-embarrassed-that-his-wife-watched-him-cross-dress/?intcmp=trending#ixzz1gDBtOw64

I need to remember that. I don't want to miss what is actually happening.

A few weeks ago, Nathanael insisted he wanted to come to the store with me. So I put him in the car and while we drove, I tried to have a conversation with my 2 year old.  "What's your favorite thing to do, Nathie?" I asked him.

"Come to the store with you," he replied. And that was that. No matter how much I asked him other things, reworded my thoughts, tried to figure out his favorite things to do, he insisted his favorite thing was to sit in his car seat and drive to the store--which is exactly what we were doing.

It hit me that a 2 year old lives in the moment. What we're doing right now is either the best, most desirable thing, or it's not and we throw a fit until it changes. 

Later, when we were coming home, he was tired and told me his favorite thing would be to get out of the car and never go shopping again.

I thought about that for a long time--what he was doing right now is his favorite thing.

I decided I could learn a lot from that--like RD,jr. said, "I don't want to miss what is actually happening." On the other hand, it's a good thing to live outside the moment, too. Someone has to plan ahead, make decisions based on the greatest possible good, and respond in a thoughtful way. Living in the moment has its advantages, but avoiding knee-jerk reactions and always responding instead of acting are two of the not among them.  Maybe that's why 2 year olds throw fits--side effect of being stuck in the moment, either loving it or hating it but nothing in between. 

But living so that you don't miss what is actually happening, here and now, well that sounds like a good idea.

Did I just read that?

"Police suspect foul play in LDS church parking lot shooting"  http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=18439122&title=police-suspect-foul-play-in-lds-church-parking-lot-shooting

They suspect foul play? I would assume foul play was involved. Is there a kind of shooting (of a human, I mean) that isn't foul?

Did I just read that?

"DOJ awarded to prosecution team of Elizabeth Smart case" http://www.ksl.com/?nid=960&sid=18429690&title=doj-awarded-to-prosecution-team-of-elizabeth-smart-case

They totally scored on that one. Not only did they win their case, they got the whole Department of Justice as their reward!

The joys of having kids

Tonight I was looking at pictures of my nephew's wedding, and I thought, "Oh, how pretty! Her dress has a blue ribbon across it!"

Then I scrolled down.

Uh...nope.

Crayon on the screen of my laptop.

Sigh.

Did I just read that?

In case you think I only target Fox News, here's one from CNN: "Own a piece of Liz Taylor"

Gross.

Did I just read that?

"Currently, two women are pregnant with his child."

 http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/12/08/fda-says-man-donating-sperm-is-breaking-law/?test=latestnews#ixzz1g0jnvPOd

Now that's just tricky, getting one baby into two wombs at once. Like twins, only in reverse.

Did I just read that?

"The Misplaced Stuff: NASA loses moon, space rocks" (http://www.ksl.com/?nid=1012&sid=18413432&title=the-misplaced-stuff-nasa-loses-moon-space-rocks)

Doggone it! They're supposed to know where the moon is. My 2 year old could probably help them out. 

Regrets of the Dying

http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

This is really fascinating. Since I know a lot of you don't click links, here is a recap. The dying regret:

Working so hard at jobs, living as someone else expected them to be instead of as themselves, not expressing their feelings, not staying in touch with friends, and not allowing themselves to be happier.

In other words, they regret buying into those goals we learn as teenagers and invest our lives in as 20-somethings: conforming socially (being socially "in", or not being seen as "weird") and being rich (which makes us work too much and not connect with people as a result)

What a shame.

Good thing we have time to do it the way God recommends, where families and friends and using our talents are important, where the purpose of existence is Joy, and where work is to enrich our lives and provide for our needs, not to be all-consuming or make us rich. In fact, those things are the focus of commandments from God. Obviously, he knows what it's all about.

A Peek into the Future, or, 2 Dozen Reasons you should donate $10 to Mister Tim's Kickstarter

Tim might kill me for this, since none of these songs is truly ready for release yet, but I want you to get a taste of what I hear every day coming from my basement to give you an idea of why I'm so anxious for Tim to get to go down to Vegas and work with Angel Angelov, a producer he knows who I really feel will be able to give Tim's recordings a commercial "edge" they need.

These are almost all drafts. Some are not finished songs. Even through the unfinishedness of them, though, you can hear the brilliance and the poetry.

 I am anxious for his kickstarter to get enough funding that he can go and make music. He won't get to record all these songs--just 3. But 3 is enough to get started, to open doors (hopefully) to allow him to make more. Have a listen. You won't regret it. (If you're seeing this in an email, hop on over to the actual blog post to hear the songs: http://beccajones.blogspot.com/2011/11/10-reasons-you-should-donate-10-to.html). It's a sneak peek of unreleased material...you don't want to miss it!

 One of my favorite songs, "Upper Crust":

 I find this an intensely compelling piece of storytelling. "Crimson Skies":

 Peter Pan was walking to the hall of fame....."Red Hot Blues":

 My kids love to listen to this in the evenings. It's hauntingly beautiful and made me cry the first time I heard it. "Down and Down":
 

 LoveLoveLove this song. "Bang on the Door":

 Tim often opens his theater shows with this song. "Beatnik":

Just a snippet of a comedy song he's written. "If I":

The first time I heard this, I told Tim, "You Can NOT put comedy words to that. It's too pretty." So he didn't. "Rumba":
 

 Tim wrote this after holding his newborn baby. First time I heard it, I could feel the love infused all through it. "So Warm":
  

This is a horrible live recording of a remarkable, powerful song. "The Sound Goes Around":

 You won't be able to get this out of your head...."Sunkist Mountain Tops":

 First time I heard this one, I couldn't tell if it was hopeful or sad, or both. "So Long Old Song":

Every time I tell Tim I love this song, he says, "Just wait until you get to hear the finished version!" "Fire Can":
 

 One of the first looping songs Tim wrote, almost nobody has heard this one, and I love it! "Mr. B":

 This song first strikes you as silly, but it's actually astonishingly emotionally powerful when you hear it live. "I Have Become":
 

 Sorry for the robot voice in this--Tim used audio technology to move his voice into the female register. "Sweet" has some of the cleverest lyrics I've ever heard:



 Many people have said this is a really catchy, appealing song. Tim wrote it on an airplane flying home from a gig. "Momma":
 

I adore this song. It really hits home for me. "Half n Half":

LOVE this song. "John Brown":
 

 I think this is one of Tim's best songs, and he's won awards for it, but he doesn't think it's one of his better songs. Ha! "LaaDeeDah":
 

 Can't get this one out of my head. It's a really sweet love song, but I don't think it's finished. "Do You Believe":



 This song is really touching. It's the Dad's point of view at graduation. "Goodbye":
 

 This song was pulled from the 9th Chapter and 15th verse of several books in the Bible. LOVE it, but it's also 9 minutes, 15 seconds long. It, too, has won awards. "9:15":



A song sung by the Christmas Tree, the day after Christmas. Also, it's about the people we forget at Christmas, like the elderly, the widows, etc. "In the Corner All Alone":


 And finally, a song that is layered with meaning. It is about ancient Israel, about the life of an artist, about Jackson Pollock, about Tim. You can find some of the lyrics in the book of Jeremiah in the Old Testament:




These are mostly rough recordings, and some of them unfinished songs, that I hope some day will be made into finished products. If Tim gets to go to Vegas to work with the producer we are excited about, he will get the tools and connections he needs to both get an agent (to help him book more shows so he can afford to keep spending hours making new music) and to record more songs, and these might actually get finished.

Did I just read that?

So, I was checking out the list of people running for president in 2012, and I found some interesting names on the list (which you can find here: http://www.fec.gov/press/press2011/presidential_form2nm.shtml):

President Emperor Caesar

and HRM Caesar St. Augustine de Bounaparte of the United States of Turtle Island, whose principal campaign committee is The Sole Royal Embassy of the United States of Turtle Island (I did NOT make that up!)

and Jonathon the Impaler Sharkey

are all candidates who have file to run for President.


My guess? You don't have to be a real person to run for US President. Just a hunch. (I'm also guessing you don't have to show an ID to file....)

Did I just read that?

"North Carolina officials have tracked down less than three dozen of the thousands of residents forced to undergo sterilizations between 1929 and 1974. The Charlotte Observer reported Sunday  that state officials believe at least 1,500 of the 7,600 people sterilized under a state program are still alive. But only 41 files have been matched to living survivors or relatives of the dead."  http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/11/07/in-nc-only-41-sterilization-victims-found-so-far/?intcmp=obinsite#ixzz1eKFvdFeY

So a dozen is 15 now? Because last I heard, less than three dozen meant 35 or fewer. And they found 41.

Tim's show that week

After all that trouble had getting there, it sounds like the audience thought it was brilliant anyway.

Watching this, it's hard to believe leading up to it Tim had 3 dead cars and only 8 hours of sleep--all over 4 days.

Wow. Just Wow. Really long story and I hope most ofit never happens again.

So....how was Tim's trip, you ask?

Well....I had been really nervous and unsettled all week. I felt like Calphurnia, in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, telling Tim I was really nervous and wished he wouldn't go. It came to a head as he packed and started putting stuff in the car. I found I was really wishing he would fly, even if I couldn't justify it, and as he filled the car, I got so overwhelmingly nervous I was nearly sick. I figured it was because his last tour was impossibly difficult--a freak snowstorm in the middle of October had down a bunch of limbs in our yard--one right on top of Daniel (he was fine, but I had PTSD for a couple of days from watching that)--and it knocked out our power. (We prayed and were saved within 5 minutes by a friend who took us to her house for the night--all while Tim was in Utah.) So I swallowed my fear and actually told Tim, "This is good you're going because everything will be fine, just like every other tour is, and I'll realize that and not be scared of you going anymore. This will stop my irrational fear from developing into a phobia."

I was wrong. Oh, so so SO wrong.

The plan: Drive to Nebraska, do a radio show. Drive to Ohio. Do a couple of coaching/private lessons, 2 days of workshops and 2 shows. After the last show on Saturday night, leave and drive as far as possible, sleep, and then drive all day Sunday to get back in time for shows in Colorado on Monday. That's 20 hours of driving each way, the first set spread over several days, the second trip crammed into one long day.

So, on Tuesday night, armed with borrowed gas money because the budget has been really tight lately, he left after Scouts and drove to Nebraska. Got there in the middle of the night and slept in the van. In the morning, he did a radio show.

Then Wednesday afternoon and evening he drove. And drove. And drove. He had to get to Ohio by Friday. Ohio is 20 hours from Colorado.

He was going to drive until late at night, sleep some, and then get to Ohio on Thursday with plenty of time to visit friends, rehearse, edit video.

He called me from St. Louis and we talked, wished we were together, normal trip stuff.

A little over an hour, he called me again. Driving down the freeway at regular freeway speeds, he had a deer step out into the road right in front of him. He swerved away, but the deer ran into his path and he hit it. Deer went flying. Car was crunched, but still driveable. So he drove to the nearest exit, car steaming and smoking, and found himself at a WalMart. Couple of cops saw the car was broken and stopped to help, but had to call a sheriff because he hit the deer on county, not city, property.

And all of a sudden, Tim was stuck in the middle of Illinios, in Vandalia, with no way to get on to his shows, no money for a new car, no options we could think of. It was a devastating and hopeless feeling.

So he waited. And waited. And finally the sheriff showed up and took a report, and he called the car insurance company--it was an old car, so I hadn't kept the good insurance on it, and they couldn't do anything. at. all.

At least Tim wasn't hurt, despite the fact that he his a deer at 70mph and the air bags never even deployed. And his cell phone worked! Often it doesn't when he travels. But he was stuck stuck stuck.

So Tim did the smartest thing he could think of at 4:30 am. He unrolled his sleeping bag in the back of the broken car and fell asleep.

So, next morning I was awakened by a certified letter. I signed for it and then got online to see what was going on with Tim. It was 11:30 am here. He was online with my mom, chatting.

Stuck in the middle of Illinois, he had to figure out what to do with himself and a car full of sound equipment. My mom lent Tim all the money she had, plus all she could borrow from her overdraft (and I feel so guilty about that because she's a missionary! And I hate having to borrow money, besides). I started posting on facebook--anyone know somebody in the middle of Illinois? Any ideas what to do?

There were no vans for sale in our price range in Vandalia, IL. And there were no car dealerships there. And Tim had to be in the middle of rural Ohio, 8 hours away, by midday the next day. He called around everywhere and finally discovered the only way to rent a car that he could return somewhere else was to rent it from an airport. The only airport he knew of was an hour and a half back up the road in St. Louis. But a shuttle that far was horrendously expensive and we couldn't get ahold of the bishop in town.

And then into the picture came my cousin Deborah. I have not seen Deborah in over 10 years, but we have interacted on facebook for a couple of years.  She lives an hour and a half from Vandalia, IL, and she said there was another airport--in Springfield, IL, near her house, and she offered to come pick Tim up, but couldn't come until 6:00. There was a scurry to see if that gave them enough time to get to a rental counter at the airport--it did, but barely--and then Deborah managed to rearrange her schedule so she could come earlier, and she left right away. It took 4 hours from the time I signed for the letter until we got it figured out to that point.

The new plan: With Deborah on her way, Tim was going to Springfield, IL, to rent a car to get him to Dayton, OH, buy a van there, continue his trip and come home.

While she was en route, Tim took the little crunched van (Still running, but no radiator left, so not for long) a mile up the road to a shop for an estimate. They were nice and gave him the estimate free. $4500 damage. He said the car was worth $3000. We think it was worth less than that, but still! Tim thanked the guy and drove back to WalMart, ate a little, and got ready to head to the airport in Springfield, IL.

That trip, at least, was uneventful. I was relieved--surely things would go smoothly from here on out. Problems solved, right? I got online and there were vans for sale that were possibilities.

A little while later, though, the phone rang again. Tim was at the airport, and they wouldn't rent him a car because he had a debit card instead of a credit card, but if someone was willing to accept the liability, he could use a different person's credit card.

So I started calling around, and so did he, and my brother agreed to do that for us.

So Tim stood in line again, got to the front, and the car rental guy said, "Sorry. Credit card holder has to be here with you." They wouldn't let my brother call his own card number in! And since my brother was in Utah, being there in person was laughable. Except we were too tired and frustrated to laugh.

Frustrated and exhausted from little sleep, Tim went to find a different car rental place. Fortunately, the next place rented him the car on the debit card, but charged him twice what the first place charged.

So Tim headed back the hour and a half to the little broken van to load his sound equipment. I was sure when he got there, the equipment would be stolen. It had been that kind of a day. Every step of the way something seemed to be going wrong!

Fortunately, the sound equipment was there.

Tim cleaned out Melody Yellowvan, closed her up, and left, and I couldn't stop crying. I have never much cared about a car, but that one I loved. 270,000 miles was a lot, though, so I knew she was going to die soon. But it was still really difficult to know he was driving away and that was that. She was gone. He planned to get back on Sunday in time to get a junk dealer out to pick her up, so he left the plates on. Later, we'd both regret that....

All of that took all day. By the time he was leaving Vandalia, IL, it was dark. But he was on the road and I had some hope. The new plan was to get to Dayton Ohio, sleep there for a few hours in the rental car, and then spend all morning searching for a new van and buying it. Dayton, OH, was supposed to be 5 hours away.

We didn't count on the freeway being closed in Indianapolis. Everyone was being routed toward Chicago.

Tim had to get off and go through town, find the freeway again--and it was still closed. Off again, through town more, find the freeway...and he was moving forward again, but it took 40+ minutes.

By the time he drove into Dayton, it was a dawn on Friday. He slept a couple of hours in the passenger seat of the rental and then set out to find a van.

Meanwhile, back home, I had been searching online classified for possibilities and finally found him three that were promising. So he called them in the morning. One had 200,000+ miles on it (and, the ad claimed, seated 150 people). One, it turned out, had a broken steering column. Running out of time, Tim let the salesman at the lot show him a cargo van. It worked, it looked terrible but solid, and it was cheap. But they wanted cash. $950 cash.

So Tim went to get cash. The ATM had a limit of $500.  No banks would take his debit card and give him cash from his account in Utah.

So he called me, and I got online and found the nearest WalMart, where he could get a cashier's check from the debit card. When he got there, he didn't get a cashier's check. Instead, he bought 5 candybars, one at a time with 5 different cashiers, and got $100 cash back each time.

That obstacle overcome, he headed back and bought the van, loaded it with his sound equipment, and left it on the lot. He had to return the rental car and take a cab back to the lot in Springfield, OH. (Turns out Ohio and Illinois have all the same towns....). He had no title for the van, though, and so couldn't get temporary tags. See, in Ohio, you have to get the title from a title office, and it was closed for Veteran's Day. So the dealer left the dealer plates on it and Tim agreed to mail them back when he got home to Colorado, and then they'd mail him the title. Easy-peasy.  Then, when he got home, we could sell the cargo van for what he paid for it, plus gas, and buy a family van.

He hung up from telling me all that at 11:11 am on 11/11/11. I noticed the display on the phone had a line of 11s on it and thought it was odd.

All of that took way way too long, and Tim still had to drive 2 hours to Albany, OH (outside Athens, OH), where he was supposed to workshop some students and then do a show.

He got there 2 hours late.  (Of course, he had warned them what was going on...). But he made it. And the kids LOVED him, loved the workshops. And the show went fantastically, amazingly well. Really brilliant. The audience loved it, and Tim called as he left and sounded tired, but really good.

He was really really looking forward to sleeping in a bed for more than 3 hours. It had been two days in a row of not getting any sleep as he drove all night and then dealt with problems. I was so relieved that he was going to get some sleep, in a hotel where he would be comfortable. So relieved that he would get to let the stress go, and everything surely would go smoothly from there on out.

A little while later, I got a call.

The new van had DIED. He'd checked the oil before he left and added some, so he was surprised when a car passed him and he saw the engine smoking. Rearview mirror revealed sparks and little flaming things falling off the van behind him. Then it made a whole lot of noise and then died. Completely.  Once again, he was stuck in the middle of rural mid-west in the middle of the night.

But he was loosely caravaning with an old friend who had come to see the show and was then staying at the same hotel as he was, so he was going to text Mike Yanchak for help.

He hung up the phone with me, and I looked at the time on my computer. 11:11 pm on 11/11/11. That cargo van lasted exactly 12 hours.

And Tim was once again stuck on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere in the midwest in the middle of the night. Again! How to get him home with all his equipment? He had gigs in Colorado on Monday and Tuesday, so he couldn't just mess around finding another van.

We needed a new plan. So I got online, in tears, and I looked it up and found out he could fly home for $230. So I bought him a plane ticket right there. At least then I could get him home and worry about the sound equipment later.

Luckily, Mike got the text and turned around and came back for Tim. They loaded as much stuff out of the cargo van into Mike's car as they could (because, it turned out, the cargo van's back doors had no lock.).

And then discovered that Mike's car had died!

I'm not making this up. I would have stopped long ago because this is too outlandish.

You remember the "mom" parts of Home Alone, where she is trying desperately to get back to her house to get her son who was alone, and every step of the way something went wrong that got her into deeper and deeper messes? That's what this was beginning to feel like, and it wasn't over yet.

So Mike called AAA. And they couldn't find him.

A cop stopped and talked to AAA. And they STILL couldn't find him.  An hour later the tow truck found them and got the car started--the battery had died.

And they were off to Dayton to their hotel. At close to dawn. Again.

Unfortunately, Tim had to start his next day's work at the a cappella conference at 8:00 am!

So, once again, he only slept a few hours.

And once again, he left a car on the side of the road with stuff in it he had to go back for. (Except this time, Mike went back--what a life saver!).

The next morning, Saturday, he got a ride to the venue with his stuff and workshopped kids all day.

Meanwhile, I called the place that sold him the bum van and said, "That van you sold us died and is on the side of the road with your dealer plates on it. I don't know where exactly it is, you'll have to call Tim."
Then I settled in to Tim's day must be okay, and I went to bed. Finally.

A few hours later, the guy who sold Tim the van called me back and woke me up. Remember, the title office was closed? Yeah, so suddenly this guy is really really motivated to go get that van back because the title is in his name and so is the registration. He even said he'd buy it back, but for junk (so not the full amount Tim spent on it. Bummer.). So he was going to call Tim, and I went back to bed.

I felt terrible. We had spent a bunch of my mom's money to get a van and it died. She was really nice about it, but I was devastated. Tim was even more devastated. And that left our family with no car again.  Mom and I talked options, but there were no good ones. Mom concluded our only option was to sell her wedding ring to buy a van. But I couldn't even entertain that idea.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, my Aunt Mona had been reading the facebook updates I had put up over the course of the last few days to my Uncle Brent, who owns a car dealership. They decided they needed to help us. Also unbeknownst to me, my Mom, Brent's sister, emailed him and asked if there was anything he could do (and I had emailed him to ask if there were any laws that might help us with the dealer in Ohio because even a used car ought to last more than 12 hours). And, also unbeknownst to me (and to each other) my sisters (and a bunch of other people) had all been praying that someone would help us get a car somehow.

So I was back in bed sleeping and unhappy when the phone rang again. I hopped up, and it was my brother in law, Jared, saying he had been online with my parents and my mom wanted me to call the dealership. I told him I had, and he said, no she means your Uncle Brent. So I got online to chat with my mom, and then I called my Uncle Brent and explained everything to him.

He talked me through a bunch of stuff and said he wanted to help us, but it wasn't very promising because we have 8 people in our family, but it's really really difficult to find a van that seats more than 7. "Like a needle in a haystack" were his words. I thanked him for being willing to help and said I'd check with Tim when he got a break and see if we could make 7 passengers work.

I hadn't even gone back to bed again when he called back. "You're in luck!" he said. Someone had just that very morning traded in a rare 8 passenger mini van. He had even had his sales manager go out and count the seatbelts for us to be sure. And he decided it would be best if he just gave it to us, to help support a musician (he is a musician himself), and for love of my mother and to support her on her mission. I couldn't believe it. Few phone calls later, my sisters had the van and were taking it back to one of their houses to keep it until we could get it.

I cannot express how grateful I am for this. I really can't. There are not words to tell Uncle Brent enough Thank Yous.

That settled, I was much happier (how could I NOT be?).

Then the car dealer who sold us the bum car called. He was mad at me and wanted to know where that van was, and I had no idea ("Not here in Colorado!" I said.). So I had to track Tim down and get him to call this angry guy. And I did the math and realized Tim was on stage--no way he would answer his phone. He doesn't even take it on stage with him (how tacky would THAT be?!). The organizer of the event was in the audience, and I had his number. So I called and texted Tim and left messages, called the organizer and left a message, and then realized Mike Yanchak would know where the van was and if it was empty and ready to be towed. But I didn't have his phone number.

But how many Mike Yanchaks from Pennsylvania can there be?

Turns out three.

I called the number in the phone book and got his Grandma. She was really nice and gave me his cell phone number.

So I texted Mike.

And then I talked to the home teachers, who came to visit, and also was babysitting a friend's kids (who are actually easy to babysit because they distract my kids), so I had to feed them something (they'd all been eating the caramel I had made to cheer myself up on Tuesday).

When the home teachers left, I found Mike had texted me back.

So I called the angry guy and Tim had called him, too, so he wasn't as angry, and between us he got enough information to get the cargo van, and he promised Tim he'd pay him back some (but not all. Sigh.). (One of my home teachers is a very good attorney, though, and he threatened to write mean letters if it comes to that.)

Then Tim called me. He had finished his set. He didn't get to watch SONOS even though he'd been really excited to see their show (they're really really good) because he was on the phone trying to figure out what to do with his sound equipment, with the dead vans (both of them!), etc.

Plus he was bone-deep exhausted from sleeping no more than 3 hours a night all week.  It's actually a miracle that he could do his shows. Mike Yanchak actually gave him some good advice on that: "So the energy is different than you're used to. Just run with it." Tim is also really really really good at his job. And since performers don't really get days off when life gets crappy (the show must go on, right?), it's good that Tim is good at that part of his job. His muscle memory is fantastic.

When the event finally ended, the organizer let Tim lock all his equipment in the high school equipment room, where it would be totally safe, and Tim went back to his hotel to sleep 4 hours.  Again.

Then he got up, got to the airport in Vandalia, OH, and came home. Despite the unbelievable difficulties and obstacles, he actually made it to both days of workshopping and both shows. He missed a workshop with some college kids and a private lesson (with Mike Yanchak, actually), but everything else he made it for and was able to do. Amazing.

I have never been so happy to see him walk in. Woke me up and I was so SO glad.

And then we all fell back asleep, all of us exhausted from not sleeping all week as we tried to work out the problems, and we slept all the way through church--I didn't even hear the alarm ring.

Tim got up after just a few hours, though, to get to the very end of church.

And then he spent the afternoon catching up on emails, arranging a way for him to get to his show tomorrow and contacting THAT show organizer, etc.

We still aren't sure how he's going to get his equipment back. He can't do much with no mics and no looping pedals! But we're working on that....

Meanwhile, my siblings decided it was important to them that we get a chance to do what we had planned before all hell broke loose and come out for Thanksgiving. So my sister-in-law is actually driving out the new van in the morning (Monday) and will fly home. What a huge blessing for us!

So the story isn't completely over, but it's mostly over.  We still have to find someone to take Melody Yellowvan away, and hopefully mail us her plates (doggone it!). Have to get the sound equipment here. Have to find out what happened to the cargo van for sure. We're working on all that...

I discovered that the right insurance coverage (at least on the new van) that would have saved us $1200 costs $35 every six months. So guess what kind of coverage the new van has? Yeah. Comprehensive is not so expensive as everyone says it is. At least not on a chevy venture van. That was a very expensive lesson to learn.

And very exhausting.

I also learned that people are anxious to help.

And that sometimes in the middle of the dark, with shadows looming, it's easy to think that God has forgotten you. Faith requires patience sometimes, too.

I spent a lot of time thinking about this while Tim was gone (and he said he did, too):

And my brother sent me a great quote that hits me just right (since I'm a writer and often have seen my life as a story):

""But in order that life should be a story or romance to us, it is necessary that a great part of it, at any rate, should be settled for us without our permission. If we wish life to be a system, this may be a nuisance; but if we wish it to be a drama, it is an essential. ... A man has control over many things in his life; he has control over enough things to be the hero of a novel. But if he had control over everything, there would be so much hero that there would be no novel. ... The thing which keeps life romantic and full of fiery possibilities is the existence of these great plain limitations which force all of us to meet the things we do not like or do not expect. ... To be in a romance is to be in uncongenial surroundings. To be born into this earth is to be born into uncongenial surroundings, hence to be born into a romance."
- G.K. Chesterton, Heretics"

It's true.

Kickstarter

Tim has the opportunity to go work with a great producer in Las Vegas. We have to find a way to get him down there and to pay for studio time.

We don't know anyone who has the full $2500 we need, but we do know over 250 people. If everyone we know can donate $1-$10 before Dec 4, we'll have enough to send him down there.

We set up a kickstarter:  http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1106967712/mister-tim-ep.

If you have any spare, consider helping out? (There are rewards--if you go through Kickstarter, you're not actually donating $10, for example, you're actually buying $10 worth of music from Tim. Kickstarter is just a way for us to collect and dedicate the funds for this specific project).

Thank you!!!!!

Pizzabet Soup

I invented a new recipe tonight!

It was really really good, too.

So I'm posting it so I can find it again. (I always forget the recipes I create....)

1 can kidney beans
1/8-1/4 tsp garlic powder (depending on how much you like)
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 tsp italian seasoning

Mix these in a large soup pot, mashing the beans slightly. Then add:

2-3 ribs of celery, split in half lengthwise and then sliced thin
2 carrots, split in fourths lengthwise and sliced into small triangles
1 tbsp minced dried onion or 1 med onion, minced
1 can crushed tomatoes
3 c water.

Bring this to a boil and then turn the heat down, cover, and let simmer for half an hour. Then add 1 beef bouillon cube and 1/3 c alphabet or tiny star noodles.  Return to a boil and cook 15 minutes or until the noodles are done.

Top each serving with:

grated cheese
2 slices of pepperoni, cut into fourths

and any other pizza toppings you like (olives would be fantastic).

Home Made Laundry Soap

On some social network or other I found a recipe for home made laundry soap. It was cheap, and the reviews were pretty good. And I discovered that two of my cousins make their own laundry soap, so I thought I'd try it.

The recipe I found was 1 c borax, 1c washing soda, and 1 bar of soap (preferably laundry soap because harsh soaps can destroy all the elastic in your socks, waist bands, etc.). You grate the soap and then stir all these things together until it looks like corn meal. The recipe said 5 minutes. It took a lot lot longer than that, and I ended up blending it in small batches in the blender. And then I was scared to use my blender because even though it's glass, it held on to the smell of the soap. Since borax and washing soda are both toxic, and nobody wants to eat soap, that wasn't very good for my kitchen blender.  The recipe insisted multiple times that you only need 1 tbsp for a load of laundry, or maybe 2 if it's a heavily soiled load. The people who really really loved it also mixed in a box of oxy-clean, but I figure if you're going to spend all that money (since oxy-clean is not cheap), you might as well buy Tide and not have to mix it all up.

The recipe source said these are all natural and safe ingredients, and, they concluded, therefore non toxic. It's not true. People so often forget that natural doesn't mean gentle, safe, or  nontoxic. Deadly nightshade is natural. So is poison ivy. So is radium. Borax has boric acid in it. Boric acid kills cockroaches and ants, and it's so toxic that you're not even supposed to breathe the dust that kicks up into the air. And washing soda is also used in swimming pools, and the swimming pool chemicals bag is clearly labeled poison. This might be all natural, but it's not nontoxic--and safe for what? Clothes? Kids to eat? That's just a nice phrase that is totally empty without elaboration. So it comes out a pretty white toxic powder that you have to keep away from your kids.

The first thing I discovered is that, while grating soap is surprisingly easy, I can't stir anything for well over 5 minutes straight. Even when I cook, I can take breaks. My arms just don't handle that kind of action. So it was really hard to get it mixed up properly. Also, I'm generally allergic to the perfumes they put into soaps. So when I grated that bar of Zote and released that smell, I wasn't a happy breather for a few days.

The next thing I discovered is that whoever decided you needed one tablespoon per load must have been washing for one, with the smallest load possible. I needed four times that to get moderately clean clothes.

So, the results?

About as good as using Sun brand laundry detergent (cheapest one in the store).  In other words, not great.

It only took one washing for all my whites to turn dingy. When your clothes are old anyway, having them go dingy is a bad bad thing. It makes worn clothes look ready for the rag bag--and we can't afford to throw everything that's worn away.

Heavy duty spots didn't come out--things like breast milk, baby spit-up, baby poop, food spots all required a second washing with a spot remover on them. My normal washing choice, Arm and Hammer, got those things out really well (although it didn't remove grease spots--but what does?!).  Since I am a nursing mom with a baby, a toddler, a very messy preschooler, and three big kids, not getting everyday spots out on the first washing was kind of a big deal for me.

Also, I just didn't feel like the clothes were really, deep-down clean. For one thing, Benji's underwear (which he pees in every single day still) didn't look clean. Even worse, they didn't smell clean. I'm not talking about "they lacked the perfumes detergents leave in the clothes." I understand that the perfumes are used to convince you that something is clean and it's all an artificial experience. The problem was, Benji's underwear still had a faint odor of urine around them. Just faint, but enough that I was afraid my poor kid was going to walk around attracting attention for smelling bad. And my clothes didn't smell really clean. Alas, sweaty person though I am, I don't really want a faint odor of homelessness to follow me around. Don't get me wrong--it was very very faint, and only on certain items, like my nylon garments.  But it was there and it said to me "I'm not clean."

Call me crazy, but I think I should be able to even press warm-from-the-dyer underwear to my face and smell nothing--not perfumes, not dryer sheets, and not people.

So I'm guessing by the smell that the people-dirt didn't wash all the way out, and I'm guessing by the dinginess that the soap didn't rinse all the way out, either. But I already run my laundry on a double rinse cycle, and with 6 kids, I can't really rinse it more than that.  Maybe that's why most people use detergent instead of soap? Just a guess.

So today I gave up and bought a big box of Arm and Hammer (why that, when I find that Tide gets things cleanest? Well, Arm and Hammer is cheaper than Tide, and it gets the clothes clean, and it's consistently good for rashy-skinned kids, like Daniel. Even better (by far) than the hypoallergenic-free-of-everything detergents. I think that might be because Arm and Hammer actually washes away more completely than the others.). I won't throw away the home made stuff. I'm just going to use it for what the boxes of ingredients say it really is: a laundry booster, not a detergent replacement.

Did I just read that?

A caption on a picture in an article about food on KSL.com: "Cellulose, or wood pulp, is an increasingly common food additive which allows foot to maintain a moist, smooth mouthfeel without adding sugar or fat to the product." (http://www.ksl.com/?nid=1070&sid=17899791&title=whats-in-your-food-wood-it-turns-out).

Just in case you happen to put your foot in your mouth....

(It's actually an interesting article, by the way. Worth reading, despite the typo.)