Benjamin

Just 17 months old, this child has become the largest source of work I have ever encountered.

He has a lot of energy, for one.

And he's a climber, so he can reach just about anything in the house.

He's smart.

And he's pretty sure that he knows more than anyone else. Even me. He's so sure he's right that you can't even negotiate with him. He just gives you this look and then, the instant your back is turned, goes back to what he was doing.

Strong-willed, which I am and have done 3 times already, doesn't begin to describe this child.

Benji is the little duck from the old cartoon "I want to flush it again," Dennis the Menace, Calvin, and that kid from "the Ransom of Red Chief," all rolled into one and too young to punish.

Oh, he knows what 'no' means--he says it to the other kids all the time, scolding them for getting in his way--but he doesn't care if someone says it to him. They don't really know what they're talking about.

And he loves to empty things. Like a new box of paper, down to the individual sheets. The dirty dishes out of the dishwasher onto the floor as fast as I get them into the dishwasher--and then he closes it on your hands while you're loading it still. Water out of anything--sink, pot soaking on the counter, toilet, etc.--especially onto the floor. Boxes of toys, books, garbage, fabric, clothes, or anything else. Keys off the keyboards. Generally speaking, the increasingly full floor is the receptacle of these things. It's bad enough when he tosses a plate full of grated cheese onto the floor. It's so much worse when he's already dumped onto the same spot a box of toys, a box of baby clothes, and every dirty dish that was sitting on the table. The ants think he's wonderful.

The 3 year old and 5 year old think he's wonderful, too. Half the time, they joyfully join in the shenanigans, more than tripling the trouble that can be--and is--caused.

Ben's the kind of person who, when Tim said, "Don't touch my mic stand," he moved his hand down two inches and grabbed it again, and then looked at Tim, grinning, to see what he would do. They repeated this behavior until Benji had been told not to touch every inch of the mic stand--one inch at a time. I don't think he's touched it since then, but the process of getting there is enough to get any parent pulling their hair out and any teacher calling for ritalin. I can just hear him at 13 years old, saying, "But you didn't say not to touch the legs of the mic stand." or "But you didn't say anything about not touching the mic." or "Did you mean the whole mic stand? I thought you meant just don't touch it right there on that spot."

Tim literally had to take him off the chair and out of the room, saying, "Don't touch my computer" 6 or 8 times before Benji took him seriously and burst into tears. For about 15 seconds. And then he found something else to do.

But what parent has time or energy to teach a child a lesson ten times before he realizes you're serious about not putting spoons in the microwave or drinking from the toilet?

Benji loves an audience, so it's getting difficult to keep any number of children in the room with him still and quiet--like for bedtime, or singing time in nursery--because he sees quiet people as his own personal audience, and immediately and determinedly begins to entertain. And he's good at it. He knows exactly what to do to run the show, get the kids going (even kids who have different things that get them riled up), and then keep the show rocking and the audience focused on him and entertained. This may be a great asset to him if he goes into Tim's field. It makes putting 4 kids to bed in the same room (and they insist on sleeping in the same room) impossible. Last night Dan, who is sick, fled to my room. Benji followed him, climbing on my bed and standing in the middle, singing at the top of his lungs 'I know we can do it" (a song Anda wrote that Ben and Dan sing together often) and dancing the dance that goes with it. He was earnestly trying to entice Dan into one of his favorite games--do a show on Mom's bed. I finally left the big kids reading Calvin and Hobbes while I put me and Ben in a dark, quiet room to calm him down, where he protested sincerely, "I'nna sing. I'nna dance."

To his credit, he also loves to cuddle. He loves to sing and dance and gets great delight from making people happy. He works incredibly hard, and rarely gives up, despite opposition or difficulty (see, this is an asset that, at this moment, drives me nuts because I can't get him to stop doing a wrong thing), and even when people won't help him. I have watched him more than once cry because he can't move something that's too big and heavy for him, but keep working through his tears until the task is accomplished. He is loving and devoted. He's a born leader, hard worker, and sensitive to other's pain. He gets over sorrows quickly, and is generally cheerful and friendly. In fact, most of the things that make him a difficult toddler will make him an exceptionally incredibly adult. If he makes it that far.

This child will grow up to be a force to be reckoned with. I just hope he is a force for good. And that is not something anyone is going to be able to coax him to--he's going to have to decide for himself.