We put our kids in the Homeschool Options program this year. It's a fabulous program that allows homeschooled kids to go to a "big school" one day a week with other homeschooled kids. They offer very cool classes--stuff we can't do easily at home, like robotics and art.
Turns out I don't love it like I thought I would.
The problem is that some of the issues I have with public education are things you can't fix in a school setting, even in smallish classes (the kindergarten class has only 16 kids, and I still think that's twice too many for that age group), because they are inherent in managing many children. Some of them are issues with the current trends in education, which the Options school has bought into by only hiring certified teachers.
So, things I have not been happy about:
--the Kindergarten in stubbornly 6 hours long. Full day. I've sat in there for 4 weeks now, and that's too long for ANY of those kids, not just my kid. They're all falling apart after lunch and still have academic classes to do.
--there are no toys in the kindergarten room, and no time given for free play. With a 6-hour K day, you'd think they'd fit in time for kids to go choose a toy and play with their friends. But no, there is a 15 minute recess ONCE a day, lunch is in the classroom, as are the 2 snacktimes, and those are all often paired with an activity, like reading, and are just barely long enough for the kids to eat, and they have PE for 45 minutes, which is structured and always either right before or right after recess. Plus there is no playground--the kids play on the lawn of the church for the 15 minutes they're released, with a teacher organizing the play of necessity--no free time at all to be kids and learn how to interact with other kids.
--There is way too much academic focus for K. They do art once a month (instead of once a day). They do music every day, but it's very structured time where they get singled out and embarrassed publicly for not singing along with the other kids, regardless of their interest in the song or in singing. And I already mentioned they are lacking the facilities and tools to allow play time.
(and all of this with a teacher who I quite like, who does cool things like have the kids make applesauce and do taste tests of different varieties of apples in class).
--Six hour days are actually too long for all of my kids. I'm actually a pretty firm believer in half-day schools up to 8th grade. So watching my kids have to suffer through 6 hours is really hard. They come home tired and unhappy (except Anda, but Anda loves everything).
--The day starts too early. No kid should have to be somewhere, alert, at 8:00 am. It interferes with the normal circadian rhythms of childhood, which dictate both eating and sleeping, forcing kids to function off their circadian rhythm (even for normal, not circadian disordered kids, 8:00 is too early to be GOING). School is set up for kids who have circadian disorders in the form of earlybird disorders (vs our nightowl disorders). Even the teachers are only functioning because they all carry coffee everywhere in class (which I'm also opposed to, but since most of Colorado drinks coffee I can't really complain on this one).
--The kids are forced to eat when they aren't hungry, and aren't allowed to eat when they are, which creates havoc and chaos for my two that are hyper-sensitive. My kids want to eat breakfast at 10:00 am. Consistently. They are not interested in eating at 7:30 am, so they go to school with no breakfast. Then at 10:00, starving, they sneak a snack. So then when lunch rolls around at 11:00 am, they aren't hungry anymore. Especially for lunch foods. Then 1:00 rolls around, when they're used to eating lunch, and they aren't allowed to eat, and so far two of them have, at that point, been reduced to tears every single day they've gone.
--There is no downtime, especially for introverts. The schools feel like recess is down time, but for kids, whose job is to play and interact with their peers, that's the most intense part of the day. For extroverts, that is an intense and satisfying part of the day. For introverts, like Caleb, that is an intense part of the day that must be "come down" from. There is no quiet, alone, unstructured time for introverts to recover so they can handle the rest of the day. Caleb needs an hour in the middle of the day to sit alone in a corner and read, or he just gets completely overwhelmed, and the school system doesn't allow for that. It's not made for introverts. (Dan needs a break, too, but not because he's an introvert. He's actually an extrovert. It's because he's exhausted from constantly facing his phobias for hours straight, and he just needs a rest).
--Schools are designed to quash creativity. In the name of keeping all the kids busy for the allotted time, I watch the teachers say things like, "Can you color it so there's no white space left?" They're trying to keep the kids busy until the slower kids are done with the activity, and keep everyone together. The kid, though, hears, "I don't color right," and the other kids hear "There's a right and a wrong way to color. I'd better learn the way the teacher thinks is right." NOT a good way to encourage talents and self esteem. It's all subtle stuff, but as an artist who grew up thinking she was no good at art, I'm sensitive to that kind of thing.
--In order to keep kids together, doing the same thing, unintentional public criticism of kids is the norm. This seems like a little deal from the adult perspective, but I have distinct memories from my childhood of times when I was "corrected" in class over something dumb--not standing exactly right in the line, for example. The kids feel it different than the teachers intend it. It's a necessity for classroom management, and I can't think of another way to do it (As a teacher, I'm actually more harsh than the kindergarten teachers are--I just tell kids, "Stop that. It's not okay." That's why I do better with Junior High, where they're a little tougher already and where they often need it told flat-out, immediately, and in clear terms so they know where the lines are in society as well as in a classroom. But I also believe in catching potential problems before the need for correction arises--like by not allowing kids to sit wherever they want).
--For all of the student-teacher interaction that goes on, there is very little connecting with the individual kids. No adult is sitting down and saying, "I like that pair of shoes. Why did you choose to wear them today?" or "Do a lot of people mix you and your sister up?" or any other real true interacting with the souls of the children. Instead, the kids get told to wait, raise their hand, and only make comments that are obviously connected to the activity or discussion at hand. Again, logistically impossible (so I understand why it's that way), but the result is there is a gap that's created between child and adult. Adults are not human to children, nor children to adults, and kids learn in school NOT to reach out and interact with adults. That has a negative impact on our culture, breaking off each generation from the previous and condemning us to constantly ignore the wisdom of those who might help us (because we're not supposed to interact with them for real). Of course, if a family is a daycare family, this would be even worse because there would be even fewer hours during the day when an adult was able to listen and talk to the kid as a person, and I know a lot of parents don't believe in treating kids like people anyway. (We have a culture of "who cares what they think?" that goes both ways and is unhealthy). This also teaches kids that they shouldn't follow the flights of fancy, but stick to the task at hand, which discourages intelligence and creativity and encourages conformity and what Tim calls "middle management mentality." We're putting the shackles on the kids minds.
--In any group learning situation, there are kids who excel, kids who are adequate, and kids who struggle. PE is no different, except that in PE, instead of teaching to the adequate, they teach to the talented, leaving 2/3 of the kids to learn that they hate physical activity and will never be good at it. This week, BOTH my big kids came home saying they hate running and will never run again. This from two kids who joyfully proclaimed not three weeks ago that running is fantastic fun, and that they had discovered that if you modify your technique, you can increase your speed and they were going to experiment with that and work until they could run REALLY FAST. In other words, the school managed to find a spark and snuff it out. This was especially discouraging for me because I had worked really hard to get the physical activity spark going in my kids, who are inclined to read or program computers all day and are, admittedly, somewhat lacking in physical fitness. How did the school do this? They set up a course on the blacktop, didn't warn the kids ahead to dress appropriately for running specifically, and had them run in the heat of the day on the black road. For a mile. With no previous running at all and with the only training they received being "jog instead of dash." Great. Naturally, about a third of the class did fine. The talented third. But what of the other 2/3? They had a bad experience and have been discouraged from both running and physical fitness. This is counter-productive. If a kid needs to be able to run a mile, I could get them to that point relatively easily. It would NOT involve running in the heat, in the wrong clothes, or starting with the end goal. So now I have to find a way to help my kids a) succeed, and b) not hate physical activity. I didn't need that extra challenge loaded onto my by the school system.
Personally, I think group PE for homeschooled kids should consist of an introduction to all the group sports, one a month, that they can't play at home. If they can do it at home, they shouldn't be doing it at Options PE because there isn't enough time in the year to cover everything. Plus I couldn't care less about the Presidential Fitness program (which is what they're doing right now in PE), especially if it makes my kids hate physical activity because they can't succeed instantly without working toward the goals. That is the ultimate in counter-productive. Homeschooling is about joy in life and excitement to try and learn and do. Not about learning to hate something because you're not the best at it or can't succeed on the first try. Why are we setting our kids up for failure?
It was, in fact, so miserable an experience for Caleb (my child who declared he loved running not two weeks ago!) that he wanted to drop out of school all together, despite the love he has for his robotics class. And Caleb is the one we most wanted to learn to be comfortable and efficient in his movement because he wants to do sports and participate, but it doesn't come naturally for him. Perhaps our time would be better spent enrolling him in a daddy-son Karate class, where they intentionally teach efficiency of movement and control.
--Anda came home saying, "I'm bad at drawing." I was blown away. Anda is my child who draws many pictures every day. And she draws fantastic drawings, with details that I would never think to include that make the pictures come alive. Her scientific sketches catch details that you wouldn't notice looking at the actual object, but that she sees, and her illustrations of imaginary animals (all colored, mind you), are incredible. She has an absolute gift for composition, too. And she LOVES drawing, choosing art to express herself every day and thinking of cool projects that she actually makes, all on her own. I keep a drawer of "junk" just for her to use for art (the other kids use it, too, but usually prompted by seeing the coolness of what Anda is creating spontaneously). She even creates art kits for the rest of the family for fun and sits us all down for art lessons that she's created about once every 3 months. She is, in short, a talented artist, even though she's still 7 years old and there's still a learning curve. (There is the rare 7 year old artist who can do with painting what Mozart could do with music, but those are the exception and MOST professional artists learned the usual way, growing up with their skills). So when she came home saying, "I'm bad at drawing and can't draw anything except trees well," I almost called the school to withdraw her right there on the spot. We enrolled her in art to give her a chance to play, and to be exposed to new media and techniques. NOT for her to learn that she's no good.
So I'm not real pleased and spent a long time talking to Tim last night about the ins and outs of it all. Does Caleb need to learn to deal with disappointment? Absolutely. But learning social skills and emotional skills is very much like learning algebra--if you wait until the brain has developed properly for that skill, the learning comes easily. Do I want to push it? And how would I know when he's ready, anyway? Do I want the kids to have to "discover" their talents and fight against the tides (which tell us that only the most exceptional have talents and the rest of us don't), or do I want them to just DO their talents and not worry about it, which is the way children are inclined until they hit school. Are they going to run into having to prove themselves anyway, so we might as well get at it and teach them those skills? And what about the PE problem? For all the sacrifices we make for them to go to school, would it be easier to just take them hiking once a week and gradually increase the difficulty of the activities so they get physically fit? I have no doubt that I can do most of what they're learning academically in school better than the system can (including art, but not including robotics), but is the non-academic learning worth it? Are they making friends and learning to negotiate systems (which, despite my dislike of them, you really have to learn to do in this world)? Or is this all putting a roadblock in the way of things they would be learning eventually anyway, but at a more appropriate emotional age......
Sigh.
Homeschooling is so much easier.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Benji's version:
Benji's acting out the story of the 3 Little Pigs instead of going to bed.
He is the Big Bad Wolf.
He says, "And I'll puff, and I'll choke, and I'll break your door in!"
(Also the pigs say: "Not by your chunny chun chin!")
He is the Big Bad Wolf.
He says, "And I'll puff, and I'll choke, and I'll break your door in!"
(Also the pigs say: "Not by your chunny chun chin!")
Monday, September 20, 2010
How to have good kids
Nurse them. Hold them a LOT. Let them play.
Sounds like what my mom did for us!
http://www.physorg.com/news204201579.html
Sounds like what my mom did for us!
http://www.physorg.com/news204201579.html
Funny Kids
Normally, I'm pretty good at figuring out what the kids are saying. Tonight, though, Daniel completely baffled me when he walked in and said, "It's been a long time since now."
Huh?
Huh?
Sunday, September 19, 2010
So I've been fixing these up: Online, free complete curricula for homeschooling
I probably should get a degree in curriculum design. I love plotting out what I want someone to learn and how to teach it.
I thought I'd finished these before, but then both google docs and the Head of the Class (the online curriculum I pull from and modify) updated their systems, so now I have been updating my stuff.
And here you have it: Complete year of lessons for "Playschool" (1-3 year old) and a complete year of Kindergarten, all online. All free. Preschool (3-4 year olds) will be ready in a couple of days. Then I'll be working on 2nd grade and 4th grade, and then the others.
Playschool can be accessed here: http://docs.google.com/View?id=ddssdqrh_162hnz9c3fr .
Kindergarten can be accessed here: https://docs.google.com/View?id=ddssdqrh_151f8h562g5
Preschool can be accessed here: http://docs.google.com/View?id=ddssdqrh_163cqgf5pdq
Do one "cluster" of links a day for a whole school year.
This is extremely web-based, and fairly light on the mother (since I'm teaching 5 kids per day) without sacrificing the education of the kid. Everything I make is for my own gifted children, so you might find you have to copy the curricula and adapt them to your children (for example, if you 2nd grader really isn't interested in the biology-intensive curriculum, including AP Biology, that I'm making for Anda, who wants to be a biologist when she grows up).
Have fun freeschooling!
I thought I'd finished these before, but then both google docs and the Head of the Class (the online curriculum I pull from and modify) updated their systems, so now I have been updating my stuff.
And here you have it: Complete year of lessons for "Playschool" (1-3 year old) and a complete year of Kindergarten, all online. All free. Preschool (3-4 year olds) will be ready in a couple of days. Then I'll be working on 2nd grade and 4th grade, and then the others.
Playschool can be accessed here: http://docs.google.com/View?id=ddssdqrh_162hnz9c3fr .
Kindergarten can be accessed here: https://docs.google.com/View?id=ddssdqrh_151f8h562g5
Preschool can be accessed here: http://docs.google.com/View?id=ddssdqrh_163cqgf5pdq
Do one "cluster" of links a day for a whole school year.
This is extremely web-based, and fairly light on the mother (since I'm teaching 5 kids per day) without sacrificing the education of the kid. Everything I make is for my own gifted children, so you might find you have to copy the curricula and adapt them to your children (for example, if you 2nd grader really isn't interested in the biology-intensive curriculum, including AP Biology, that I'm making for Anda, who wants to be a biologist when she grows up).
Have fun freeschooling!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Did I just read that?
From Foxnews.com Home page today:
Gee, that picture looks an awful lot like a complex of buildings, not the former employees of the New Mexico energy laboratory.
Gee, that picture looks an awful lot like a complex of buildings, not the former employees of the New Mexico energy laboratory.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Did I just read that?
On AOL news today: ""It's criminal to allow diacetyl and other untested flavoring agents to be used in these devices," said Dr. David Egilman, clinical associate professor at Brown University's Department of Family Medicine. "At the very least, it's not smart to intentionally inhale substances which have been proven to cause irreversible lung disease that has and can kill you." "
http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/your-kids-buy-e-cigs-do-you-know-whats-in-them/19633977?test=latestnews
I agree. Certainly isn't smart to inhale something that has killed you once before and could kill you again....
http://www.aolnews.com/health/article/your-kids-buy-e-cigs-do-you-know-whats-in-them/19633977?test=latestnews
I agree. Certainly isn't smart to inhale something that has killed you once before and could kill you again....
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Did I just read that?
From ksl.com today: " She managed to get out of the way just before the truck hit her." http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=12398966
So which is it? Did she get out of the way, or did it hit her? You can't really have both.....
Friday, September 10, 2010
Vitamins....
So I had discovered that taking 2 fish oil tablets helped my fibro pain immensely.
Then I got pregnant and it's been a "bad fibro" pregnancy (sometimes being pregnant makes it better; sometimes it makes it worse). And I started messing with my vitamin regime because the prenatals were making it so I couldn't sleep--I just lay there not quite asleep, thinking, all night. Plus the doctor said to take my calcium at different times of the day, instead of 1200 mg all at once at bedtime, because it absorbs better. And she told me to stop taking the magnesium because prenatals have enough of that (most actually don't have ANY, which is surprising considering the extra calcium they give you!).
Anyway, I got everything rearranged so I was taking 1 calcium, 2 fish oil, and a prenatal sometime in the middle of the day, and another calcium at bedtime.
I had more energy about an hour after taking my vitamins. I also was in significantly more pain all day and sleeping, but not deeply, at night.
I tried taking the one calcium in the morning and the rest at night. Still hurting.
So this week I went back to my regular vitamin habits: 2 calciums, 2 fish oils, and 1 multivitamin at bedtime.
Voila! Pain is lessened (not gone, but I can pour milk without severe pain now!). I can function, more or less, again (still can't clean the house, but at least I can sit in my soft rocking chair again!).
I don't know why it is that I need 1200 mg of calcium all at once, but it seems to help. Maybe I should put the magnesium back in, too!
Then I got pregnant and it's been a "bad fibro" pregnancy (sometimes being pregnant makes it better; sometimes it makes it worse). And I started messing with my vitamin regime because the prenatals were making it so I couldn't sleep--I just lay there not quite asleep, thinking, all night. Plus the doctor said to take my calcium at different times of the day, instead of 1200 mg all at once at bedtime, because it absorbs better. And she told me to stop taking the magnesium because prenatals have enough of that (most actually don't have ANY, which is surprising considering the extra calcium they give you!).
Anyway, I got everything rearranged so I was taking 1 calcium, 2 fish oil, and a prenatal sometime in the middle of the day, and another calcium at bedtime.
I had more energy about an hour after taking my vitamins. I also was in significantly more pain all day and sleeping, but not deeply, at night.
I tried taking the one calcium in the morning and the rest at night. Still hurting.
So this week I went back to my regular vitamin habits: 2 calciums, 2 fish oils, and 1 multivitamin at bedtime.
Voila! Pain is lessened (not gone, but I can pour milk without severe pain now!). I can function, more or less, again (still can't clean the house, but at least I can sit in my soft rocking chair again!).
I don't know why it is that I need 1200 mg of calcium all at once, but it seems to help. Maybe I should put the magnesium back in, too!
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Did I just read that?
From the inside of my new carton of Great Day brand eggs: "Our hens are fed an all natural, vegetarian diet rich in nutritious grains, vitamins, and minerals. Great Day hens are never fed animal by-products, antibiotics or hormones--making our hens happier and our eggs better!It's simply the way eggs should be."
Anyone who has ever dealt with chickens will wonder if these hens are happier or not. Hens are omnivores. Not only do they LIKE to eat bugs, they also eat their own eggs sometimes! Giving them a vegetarian diet might make the PETA people happier, but I doubt it will make the hens happier.
Anyone who has ever dealt with chickens will wonder if these hens are happier or not. Hens are omnivores. Not only do they LIKE to eat bugs, they also eat their own eggs sometimes! Giving them a vegetarian diet might make the PETA people happier, but I doubt it will make the hens happier.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Did I just read that?
More poorly-written fire news: " Two additional planes conducted reconnaissance in the air."
That's good, since planes don't do very good reconnaissance from the ground!
http://www.timescall.com/news_story.asp?ID=23355
That's good, since planes don't do very good reconnaissance from the ground!
http://www.timescall.com/news_story.asp?ID=23355
Did I just read that?
This article was full of errors! http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/09/08/colorado-wildfire-evacuees-wait-wonder-homes-toll-destroyed-buildings/
There are math issues:
"Authorities say at least 136 homes have been destroyed by a wildfire burning in canyons and foothills west of Boulder. A list released Wednesday the Boulder County sheriff's includes four other structures and at least 12 homes damaged by the 6,168-acre fire."
and
"Seven of the country's 19 heavy air tankers have been sent to Colorado to fight the blaze, considered the nation's top firefighting priority. Two more have been dispatched to the fire, said Ken Frederick, spokesman for the National Interagency Fire Center in Boise, Idaho." (Why don't we just say "nine" and call it good? Or is a blaze and a fire different?)
Objects doing uncharacteristic things:
"About 3,500 people have been evacuated from about 1,000 homes that broke out in a parched area north of Boulder on Monday. " (So, homes are like acne for water-starved land?)
Interesting "what?"s:
" Firefighters encountered a tangle of rattlesnakes, downed power lines and combustible propane tanks Wednesday as they struggled to get an upper hand on a wildfire that has destroyed dozens of homes." (Snakes, power lines, propane tanks all tangled up together in one massive heap....but no fire! I suppose the downed power lines were wreaking havoc on the snakes, and possibly igniting the propane?)
and again: "Laura McConnell, a spokeswoman for the fire management team, said as many as 300 firefighters are at the fire and more are on the way. She said they're dealing with downed power lines, debris, poison ivy and rattlesnakes. They also have to be watchful for propane tanks in the area." (but no fire?)
I guess when the land is on fire, the editors lose their minds.
There are math issues:
"Authorities say at least 136 homes have been destroyed by a wildfire burning in canyons and foothills west of Boulder. A list released Wednesday the Boulder County sheriff's includes four other structures and at least 12 homes damaged by the 6,168-acre fire."
and
"Seven of the country's 19 heavy air tankers have been sent to Colorado to fight the blaze, considered the nation's top firefighting priority. Two more have been dispatched to the fire, said Ken Frederick, spokesman for the National Interagency Fire Center in Boise, Idaho." (Why don't we just say "nine" and call it good? Or is a blaze and a fire different?)
Objects doing uncharacteristic things:
"About 3,500 people have been evacuated from about 1,000 homes that broke out in a parched area north of Boulder on Monday. " (So, homes are like acne for water-starved land?)
Interesting "what?"s:
" Firefighters encountered a tangle of rattlesnakes, downed power lines and combustible propane tanks Wednesday as they struggled to get an upper hand on a wildfire that has destroyed dozens of homes." (Snakes, power lines, propane tanks all tangled up together in one massive heap....but no fire! I suppose the downed power lines were wreaking havoc on the snakes, and possibly igniting the propane?)
and again: "Laura McConnell, a spokeswoman for the fire management team, said as many as 300 firefighters are at the fire and more are on the way. She said they're dealing with downed power lines, debris, poison ivy and rattlesnakes. They also have to be watchful for propane tanks in the area." (but no fire?)
I guess when the land is on fire, the editors lose their minds.
Home Again
We made it. Back to CO.
Long drive, especially after several days of not enough sleep. Plus driving that far always makes my whole body hurt.
But we're home, with the same familiar souvenir we always bring home from tours: colds. Hooray?
And we made it just in time to do Daniel's birthday today and 5 kids' doctors appointments over the next 3 days.
Long drive, especially after several days of not enough sleep. Plus driving that far always makes my whole body hurt.
But we're home, with the same familiar souvenir we always bring home from tours: colds. Hooray?
And we made it just in time to do Daniel's birthday today and 5 kids' doctors appointments over the next 3 days.
Sunday, September 05, 2010
The Adventure Continues Part 3
So Saturday morning rolled around and we all rolled out of bed and got ready for the day. The plan was to babysit Gates, the adorable 2-year-old of one of the ladies Tim is singing with, and then half-way through the day they were all going to come back and we'd all go to the Nebraska State Fair together.
So the singers all left and I settled into handing out snacks and trying to find things to do.
I had some trail mix from our drive, and I had a little and so had to share. I was even careful when I handed some to Dan to remove any nuts he'd never tasted--he got chocolate chips and almonds, things he'd had many times before.
But it wasn't like before. He ate ONE almond and immediately said, "My throat feels wrong."
This time I didn't wait. I dropped everything and RAN into the bathroom and gave him a dose of bendadryl, and then watched as he kept trying to clear his throat and got more uncomfortable.
I was on the edge of panicking. Here was me, sitting with six kids, heavily pregnant, in a strange city. Not enough car seats for all the kids. Nobody to watch the other 5 kids. No idea where the hospital was. No idea how to get ahold of a member of the church. No phone books. And no adults with cell phones that I could reach. I knew Dan needed a blessing and possibly a rush to the emergency room, and I couldn't get those things.
Then I remembered Tim gave me a blessing a week ago that said that God would not deny us any blessing we needed just because Tim wasn't available. So Dan and I went into the other room from the other kids and we prayed, fervently and with more faith than I've ever had before. I was trusting that the blessing I got before was going to save my baby's life now. We prayed and then I dug out the epi-pen, but didn't use it.
Immediately, Dan's breathing in his chest and throat cleared out, so he could take deep, deep breaths. He was suddenly breathing quietly and clearly, and the asthma cough disappeared completely, and he stopped sticking his tongue out. Instead, his nose swelled up (instantly) like he'd been punched in the face, and the insides of his outer ears swelled. Nose and ears swollen doesn't seem particularly dangerous.
I relaxed. Dan was still worried, so we prayed again, and I felt like I should give him the other half of the benadryl dose (I had forgotten that 5 year olds can have 1-2 tsp. I only gave him one). Then we called the front desk and they agreed to watch the other five kids for a bit and told me how to find an urgent care place. Dan was more worried than I--I could hear him breathing and see him walking as fast as I was, and he was okay, but scared because he'd never had a swollen nose and ears before, and his whole body itched.
Still, wanting to be on the safe side, I took the kids to the front desk and left them, and took Dan and Nathanael to the urgent care facility that the front desk directed us to. They refused to see us because we had no money and no insurance and they don't deal in out-of-state medicaid. (And no, the new health care laws won't fix this problem--there is still no access to medical care for poor people.). I said, "My kid is having an allergic reaction to nuts, and you won't even tell the doctor?" No. Wouldn't even talk to me until her superviser came in and made her tell me how to find the ER, which took 10 minutes. "Prompt" care, it said on the building. Had Dan been in anaphylactic shock, I would have had a dead kid thanks to the promptness of their care.
As we walked out, Dan said, "Mom, I'm fine now." And he was. So we came back.
Took the kids to the fair for the afternoon. That, in and of itself, was exhausting, hot, dusty, and exhausting some more. We bought a box of ice cream on the way home and made milkshakes. Then gave Dan more benadryl before bed to counter any rebound reaction (they happen with severe allergies when the benadryl wears off).
And then we pretty much collapsed into bed and slept HARD. What a day!
So the singers all left and I settled into handing out snacks and trying to find things to do.
I had some trail mix from our drive, and I had a little and so had to share. I was even careful when I handed some to Dan to remove any nuts he'd never tasted--he got chocolate chips and almonds, things he'd had many times before.
But it wasn't like before. He ate ONE almond and immediately said, "My throat feels wrong."
This time I didn't wait. I dropped everything and RAN into the bathroom and gave him a dose of bendadryl, and then watched as he kept trying to clear his throat and got more uncomfortable.
I was on the edge of panicking. Here was me, sitting with six kids, heavily pregnant, in a strange city. Not enough car seats for all the kids. Nobody to watch the other 5 kids. No idea where the hospital was. No idea how to get ahold of a member of the church. No phone books. And no adults with cell phones that I could reach. I knew Dan needed a blessing and possibly a rush to the emergency room, and I couldn't get those things.
Then I remembered Tim gave me a blessing a week ago that said that God would not deny us any blessing we needed just because Tim wasn't available. So Dan and I went into the other room from the other kids and we prayed, fervently and with more faith than I've ever had before. I was trusting that the blessing I got before was going to save my baby's life now. We prayed and then I dug out the epi-pen, but didn't use it.
Immediately, Dan's breathing in his chest and throat cleared out, so he could take deep, deep breaths. He was suddenly breathing quietly and clearly, and the asthma cough disappeared completely, and he stopped sticking his tongue out. Instead, his nose swelled up (instantly) like he'd been punched in the face, and the insides of his outer ears swelled. Nose and ears swollen doesn't seem particularly dangerous.
I relaxed. Dan was still worried, so we prayed again, and I felt like I should give him the other half of the benadryl dose (I had forgotten that 5 year olds can have 1-2 tsp. I only gave him one). Then we called the front desk and they agreed to watch the other five kids for a bit and told me how to find an urgent care place. Dan was more worried than I--I could hear him breathing and see him walking as fast as I was, and he was okay, but scared because he'd never had a swollen nose and ears before, and his whole body itched.
Still, wanting to be on the safe side, I took the kids to the front desk and left them, and took Dan and Nathanael to the urgent care facility that the front desk directed us to. They refused to see us because we had no money and no insurance and they don't deal in out-of-state medicaid. (And no, the new health care laws won't fix this problem--there is still no access to medical care for poor people.). I said, "My kid is having an allergic reaction to nuts, and you won't even tell the doctor?" No. Wouldn't even talk to me until her superviser came in and made her tell me how to find the ER, which took 10 minutes. "Prompt" care, it said on the building. Had Dan been in anaphylactic shock, I would have had a dead kid thanks to the promptness of their care.
As we walked out, Dan said, "Mom, I'm fine now." And he was. So we came back.
Took the kids to the fair for the afternoon. That, in and of itself, was exhausting, hot, dusty, and exhausting some more. We bought a box of ice cream on the way home and made milkshakes. Then gave Dan more benadryl before bed to counter any rebound reaction (they happen with severe allergies when the benadryl wears off).
And then we pretty much collapsed into bed and slept HARD. What a day!
The Adventure Continues Part 2
So, after we survived the first day of school (and the kids LOVED LOVED LOVED it, even though Dan was terrified), we hopped in the car, ran home for some diaper rash medicine, ran to the store for some snacks, and hit the road. Nebraska was my goal, 500 miles due East.
It turned out to be a very pleasant drive. I had one of the kids sit in front with me the whole time to help hand food back to the others, and we had treats and snacks, and they involved me in "The DoppelGamer"--the kids favorite make-believe game that is a mixture of the Animorphs books, the Harry Potter books, Pikmin, and this imaginary battle they've been fighting against their own doppelgangers. We had to play 20 questions as if we were in their imaginary world, so when I asked, "Is it ficitonal?" they said, "No" even though it was a space ship weapon they were thinking of......
We made a single stop, right on the border, and mostly the kids were good and we just drove and drove and drove.
Nebraska is the only place I've ever been where there are whitish clouds rising from among the cattle on the cow farms, and the clouds are thick enough that they actually obscure the road somewhat and act like fog. Oh, and they STINK like a cow farm blowing all over your car. Nasty.
There were other places, too, that didn't have cows but still had that mysterious white mist hovering over them--not as thick as where the cows were, for some reason, and not stinky. That was puzzling to me.
I was surprised when we got to Grand Island, NE, how NOT muggy it is. It's still pretty dry out here, although not as dry as Utah. More like the Colorado plains, which isn't surprising, actually, since it's all the same landscape. (We live right on the edge of the plains, in view of the mountains but not touching them, so it was familiar).
It was SO nice to see Tim after a long and stressful week. I actually wasn't even out of the car before he was standing right there, ready to kiss me. And boy was I ready to kiss him! The kids were excited to see him, too. The whole trip over, my sugar-loving Daniel broke every piece of candy in half that I gave him and saved one piece for Daddy. Plus a juice box.
And here we are. In a hotel. Again. This time we ended up with two adjoining rooms, and that's been heaven. There are enough bed spaces for everyone, with 2 king-sized beds and a full hideabed. Hooray!
It turned out to be a very pleasant drive. I had one of the kids sit in front with me the whole time to help hand food back to the others, and we had treats and snacks, and they involved me in "The DoppelGamer"--the kids favorite make-believe game that is a mixture of the Animorphs books, the Harry Potter books, Pikmin, and this imaginary battle they've been fighting against their own doppelgangers. We had to play 20 questions as if we were in their imaginary world, so when I asked, "Is it ficitonal?" they said, "No" even though it was a space ship weapon they were thinking of......
We made a single stop, right on the border, and mostly the kids were good and we just drove and drove and drove.
Nebraska is the only place I've ever been where there are whitish clouds rising from among the cattle on the cow farms, and the clouds are thick enough that they actually obscure the road somewhat and act like fog. Oh, and they STINK like a cow farm blowing all over your car. Nasty.
There were other places, too, that didn't have cows but still had that mysterious white mist hovering over them--not as thick as where the cows were, for some reason, and not stinky. That was puzzling to me.
I was surprised when we got to Grand Island, NE, how NOT muggy it is. It's still pretty dry out here, although not as dry as Utah. More like the Colorado plains, which isn't surprising, actually, since it's all the same landscape. (We live right on the edge of the plains, in view of the mountains but not touching them, so it was familiar).
It was SO nice to see Tim after a long and stressful week. I actually wasn't even out of the car before he was standing right there, ready to kiss me. And boy was I ready to kiss him! The kids were excited to see him, too. The whole trip over, my sugar-loving Daniel broke every piece of candy in half that I gave him and saved one piece for Daddy. Plus a juice box.
And here we are. In a hotel. Again. This time we ended up with two adjoining rooms, and that's been heaven. There are enough bed spaces for everyone, with 2 king-sized beds and a full hideabed. Hooray!
The Adventures Continue
So Tim left for Nebraska August 27 in the morning. We drove him to the airport and said good-bye.
The official plan was for us to survive one week, get through the first day of school, and then, if some money showed up to pay for gas, we'd join him in Nebraska.
So we survived the week. That wasn't easy, since we got news that my Dad's cancer surgery wasn't so successful...and then found out a few days later that the (incompetent) PA had just read the charts wrong and the surgery was a success and the cancer was gone. (I was more than a little mad at the PA for all the stress he put us under because he can't read a chart!).
And the money showed up. We had agreed to babysit the daughter of another cast member while we were in Nebraska, if we could just get there. So she forwarded us the babysitting money. As we climbed into the car, I looked down and there was a hundred dollars sitting there! Tim had lost a hundred dollars he'd set aside for food and tithing, and he'd searched the car thoroughly, so we chalked it up to lost. And there it was, in plain sight.
So, with the money in hand, we prepared to go. We took Dan to the dentist TWICE in the same day--first time we got lost and they rescheduled. Second time we were 10 minutes late and they cancelled on me because his toothache wasn't as important as people who just walked in with toothaches. Huh? So much for medicaid!
We did my doctor's appointment with 3 small children in tow. That was difficult enough that I just didn't bother with the glucose screening and the office just had to be fine with that. No options. So of course they were.
Then we did the first day of school for any of us ever. The Aurora Public Schools has this awesome, state-wide program for homeschoolers called "Options". Any homeschooler can register for a year of school that meets ONLY with other homeschoolers and ONLY one day a week. For free. The kids go to school every friday and we got to choose their classes, so Caleb is taking robotics, piano, PE, drama, and other classes, and Anda is taking robotics, science, art, Spanish, drama, PE, etc--stuff I can't really teach at home as well as they can teach in a class. Plus they have a one day a week kindergarten for Daniel. AND they provide the rest of the at-home curriculum for you at no cost (except workbooks if you want to order them), and you still get to choose your books and curricula, and there is no teacher supervising that you have to check in with. It's a very cool program that is appropriately tailored to the peculiarities of homeschooling families and kids, and appropriately respectful to homeschooling culture (for example, the dress code is more modest, the behavior and discipline system more discussion-based and natural consequences based, and they aren't checking in with parents on what they're doing at home like most cyber "home" schooling systems do).
Still, even with the coolness of the program, and even with us having spent the last part of August fixing our sleep schedule so we could be alert and go, I was nervous. I've always done everything myself, and I was going to be trying to go to classes the first day with 3 kids all at the same time. Plus juggle Nathanael (thankfully, a homeschooling friend took Benji for the day). Not only were we starting school (and I had no idea how the kids would like it), we were leaving from the school to drive to Nebraska--a 6 hour drive with just me and the kids, and I don't drive long distances well (first my body starts to hurt, and then I get too sleepy to drive--a gut reaction to try to get rid of the fibro pain that comes from driving).
So we went to school.
And I loved it. I walked into the room and found 170 kids with their parents--and among them we were not weird. It was the strangest thing to walk into a room full of people and discover that we're part of a large and established culture. It's a culture of larger families, so nobody looked at us and said, "How do you do it?!" like they do everywhere else I go. (Homeschooling families have a stay-at-home mom and, usually, an intact traditional family, or it's not possible. That's conducive to having more children than 2. They also tend to like kids, or they wouldn't have any desire to be with them all day every day). It's also a culture of smarter moms (you have to know how to learn in order to homeschool, and you've covered K-whatever age your kids are usually more than once, so you could win "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" when most people can't; plus you don't homeschool if you don't have some confidence in your ability to do better than the public schools with education--that means you're comfortable with learning and education stuff). It's also a culture where parents are accustomed to sacrificing for their kids, where appearance doesn't matter as much, and where "the way it's done" is not nearly as important as what's right. It was a room full of free-thinking women who decided what they wanted was kids--and do everything they could possibly do to make their kids lives work. It was also a room full of kids who, for whatever reason, don't fit in the system well. Most of them were smarter than your average kid. A handful were skittish and in constant motion (not surprising). Bunches were from mixed-race families. At least one family had a deaf member and was pretty clearly into the deaf culture.
The thing that struck me most was that there were over 170 kids in the room (170 plus toddler and baby siblings) and I didn't see a single sullen, rude, selfish, defiant, aggressive, druggie, immodest, or bullying kid in the bunch. I saw a whole lot of kids who would be mistreated in public schools, both by the other students and by the adults who are trying to maintain order (and "can't you just put your bottom in your seat?!"). And I saw kids on all ability levels. But I didn't see any "bad" kids or any "trouble" kids. I saw a bunch of fun-loving, respectful kids, even when their parents were elsewhere. That struck me--you know I just wrote that post on socializing homeschoolers. What I saw was a bunch of kids who were not only properly socialized with their peers (and I watched them in their peer groups while the other mothers were in a meeting and I was with a terrified Daniel), but they were properly socialized to adults, to kids older and younger than themselves, and to everyone they came in contact with. They weren't submissive or abused. They were polite and courteous, and extremely responsive to others, both adults and children, strangers and friends. And I saw a bunch of adults who loved to be around their children but were completely comfortable letting their kids go--letting them be who they are, letting them learn what they need and want to.
What struck me was that I saw a hundred families that were functioning. And it was a pretty powerful thing.
The official plan was for us to survive one week, get through the first day of school, and then, if some money showed up to pay for gas, we'd join him in Nebraska.
So we survived the week. That wasn't easy, since we got news that my Dad's cancer surgery wasn't so successful...and then found out a few days later that the (incompetent) PA had just read the charts wrong and the surgery was a success and the cancer was gone. (I was more than a little mad at the PA for all the stress he put us under because he can't read a chart!).
And the money showed up. We had agreed to babysit the daughter of another cast member while we were in Nebraska, if we could just get there. So she forwarded us the babysitting money. As we climbed into the car, I looked down and there was a hundred dollars sitting there! Tim had lost a hundred dollars he'd set aside for food and tithing, and he'd searched the car thoroughly, so we chalked it up to lost. And there it was, in plain sight.
So, with the money in hand, we prepared to go. We took Dan to the dentist TWICE in the same day--first time we got lost and they rescheduled. Second time we were 10 minutes late and they cancelled on me because his toothache wasn't as important as people who just walked in with toothaches. Huh? So much for medicaid!
We did my doctor's appointment with 3 small children in tow. That was difficult enough that I just didn't bother with the glucose screening and the office just had to be fine with that. No options. So of course they were.
Then we did the first day of school for any of us ever. The Aurora Public Schools has this awesome, state-wide program for homeschoolers called "Options". Any homeschooler can register for a year of school that meets ONLY with other homeschoolers and ONLY one day a week. For free. The kids go to school every friday and we got to choose their classes, so Caleb is taking robotics, piano, PE, drama, and other classes, and Anda is taking robotics, science, art, Spanish, drama, PE, etc--stuff I can't really teach at home as well as they can teach in a class. Plus they have a one day a week kindergarten for Daniel. AND they provide the rest of the at-home curriculum for you at no cost (except workbooks if you want to order them), and you still get to choose your books and curricula, and there is no teacher supervising that you have to check in with. It's a very cool program that is appropriately tailored to the peculiarities of homeschooling families and kids, and appropriately respectful to homeschooling culture (for example, the dress code is more modest, the behavior and discipline system more discussion-based and natural consequences based, and they aren't checking in with parents on what they're doing at home like most cyber "home" schooling systems do).
Still, even with the coolness of the program, and even with us having spent the last part of August fixing our sleep schedule so we could be alert and go, I was nervous. I've always done everything myself, and I was going to be trying to go to classes the first day with 3 kids all at the same time. Plus juggle Nathanael (thankfully, a homeschooling friend took Benji for the day). Not only were we starting school (and I had no idea how the kids would like it), we were leaving from the school to drive to Nebraska--a 6 hour drive with just me and the kids, and I don't drive long distances well (first my body starts to hurt, and then I get too sleepy to drive--a gut reaction to try to get rid of the fibro pain that comes from driving).
So we went to school.
And I loved it. I walked into the room and found 170 kids with their parents--and among them we were not weird. It was the strangest thing to walk into a room full of people and discover that we're part of a large and established culture. It's a culture of larger families, so nobody looked at us and said, "How do you do it?!" like they do everywhere else I go. (Homeschooling families have a stay-at-home mom and, usually, an intact traditional family, or it's not possible. That's conducive to having more children than 2. They also tend to like kids, or they wouldn't have any desire to be with them all day every day). It's also a culture of smarter moms (you have to know how to learn in order to homeschool, and you've covered K-whatever age your kids are usually more than once, so you could win "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" when most people can't; plus you don't homeschool if you don't have some confidence in your ability to do better than the public schools with education--that means you're comfortable with learning and education stuff). It's also a culture where parents are accustomed to sacrificing for their kids, where appearance doesn't matter as much, and where "the way it's done" is not nearly as important as what's right. It was a room full of free-thinking women who decided what they wanted was kids--and do everything they could possibly do to make their kids lives work. It was also a room full of kids who, for whatever reason, don't fit in the system well. Most of them were smarter than your average kid. A handful were skittish and in constant motion (not surprising). Bunches were from mixed-race families. At least one family had a deaf member and was pretty clearly into the deaf culture.
The thing that struck me most was that there were over 170 kids in the room (170 plus toddler and baby siblings) and I didn't see a single sullen, rude, selfish, defiant, aggressive, druggie, immodest, or bullying kid in the bunch. I saw a whole lot of kids who would be mistreated in public schools, both by the other students and by the adults who are trying to maintain order (and "can't you just put your bottom in your seat?!"). And I saw kids on all ability levels. But I didn't see any "bad" kids or any "trouble" kids. I saw a bunch of fun-loving, respectful kids, even when their parents were elsewhere. That struck me--you know I just wrote that post on socializing homeschoolers. What I saw was a bunch of kids who were not only properly socialized with their peers (and I watched them in their peer groups while the other mothers were in a meeting and I was with a terrified Daniel), but they were properly socialized to adults, to kids older and younger than themselves, and to everyone they came in contact with. They weren't submissive or abused. They were polite and courteous, and extremely responsive to others, both adults and children, strangers and friends. And I saw a bunch of adults who loved to be around their children but were completely comfortable letting their kids go--letting them be who they are, letting them learn what they need and want to.
What struck me was that I saw a hundred families that were functioning. And it was a pretty powerful thing.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Socialization and Homeschool
The BIGGEST thing opponents of homeschooling bring up is a vague issue they've heard about elsewhere and quote randomly without really knowing what it means: "How will your children be properly socialized?"
In other words, "homeschooled kids don't act like public school kids, and that makes me uncomfortable. Also, won't they grow up to be weird adults, too?"
Usually I say, "Most homeschool families get their kids out of the house into interest-, age-, and talent-based social groups all the time, and research shows that homeschooled children grow up to be better socialized adults--more involved in their communities, more likely to work and enjoy it, more likely to vote and volunteer--than other children do."
But my answer the shortened version of what I actually think, and that has three main parts to it.
1. Just taking the sheer numbers, there are more public-schooled kids and adults who are weird than homeschooled children and adults. It's just that for some reason the "weird" homeschoolers seem to stand out more. I think it's because, given a group of ten children, if ONE is weird, you notice. Given a group of a hundred children, if only 10 are weird, you really are so busy with the other 90 that you don't see the ten. The homeschooling population is smaller, so that even if the percentages of weird vs nonweird are the same, it doesn't "show" the same way. "Weirdness" is tied up so much in personality, genetics, and culture that you can't really attribute it to homeschooling. Besides, who's to say which came first--some kids are homeschooled BECAUSE they were "weird" (have ADD, autism, or Tourette's Syndrome, or a physical, emotional, or intellectual disability, have OCD, are overweight, are religious--lots of Christians and lots of Muslims homeschool--are different from other kids for a number of reasons, or are just plain gifted intellectually or artistically) and were being mistreated for it, not the other way around.
Also, what makes someone "weird"? Lots of homeschooled children come across as weird because they are polite, considerate of children who are of other ages, and are (gasp!) comfortable talking to adults. They also tend to be excited about learning or about their hobbies and willing to express that, and they're a little more emotionally honest, which sometimes is surprising to people who are used to working with kids who have been emotionally beaten into hiding their real thoughts and feelings by the end of first grade. Some tend to be more open about their religions or otherwise seem to have a strong moral, intellectual, or ideological center (whether religious or not). I would submit that "weird" usually just means "not what I expected," and that some things we don't expect are not bad.
2. What is the point of socialization? What does it mean to be properly socialized? (See, nobody asks the naysayers this, and many don't know the answer.) To me, properly socialized means that a person can interact with society in a way that is mutually beneficial, meaningful and appropriate, and that allows the person to eventually become an active, contributing member of our society (socially, politically, etc.), with friends, family, and a job that allows them to support their family. It DOESN'T mean, "Blends in nicely and knows how to act just like other kids." Serious, scholarly research supports the conclusion that homeschool is actually BETTER for socializing children (making them functioning members of society) than public schools.
3. (This is the answer I hear from other homeschooling moms when we're just talking to each other). If you want your child to learn algebra, do you give them a math book (but no answer key) and sit them in a room of other children, who then teach each other their own version of what algebra is? No. That's a ludicrous idea. But that is what we're doing to our kids socially in public schools.
Public schools don't allow children to interact with adults almost at all, and they don't allow children to interact with each other in a meaningful, natural way in a supervised setting. All the "socialization" that takes place in public schools happens in locker rooms, lunch breaks, and recess and is minimally supervised by people who have proper, well-developed social skills. So what you end up with is a bunch of kids making it up--they're teaching each other what they think is the right way to interact. The inexperienced "natural man" is teaching instead of a more refined, skilled, and conscious teacher.
How many moms have complained (or observed) that their kindergartner came home after the first day (or week) and was a different person? What I hear is the child has become, within a week, more brash, disobedient, louder, crass, selfish, judgmental, and bossy (or, alternately, quiet, shy, embarrassed, apologetic, and lacking in confidence and joy). They are also more inclined to pick on other children and distrust adults, more hesitant to try something new or get excited by anything other than the latest media-driven fads. Why would you want that?
From my observations (and I not only went to pubic schools, I taught school for many years), children in public schools learn social skills that their parents spend hours desperately trying to help them un-learn, and that actually hinder the child in work, school, and real-life social interactions.
This so-called "proper" socialization includes kids teaching each other to be catty, selfish, rude, crude, sneaky. It teaches that adults are not to be trusted or confided in (and in fact should be avoided), that kids older than you are scary and kids younger than you are dumb. It teaches that a person's value and potential for contribution to society are firmly revealed by their appearance, that people can never change, that bullying is okay, that sneaking, lying, and manipulating are good. It teaches that conformity is ideal and non-conformity is evil and to be dealt with swiftly and firmly. It teaches that smart is bad, that excelling is embarrassing, and that laziness is the way to go. It teaches kids how to get away with doing as little as possible (in groups, on assignments, in life). It teaches kids not to finish things, that work is bad, that learning is boring or tedious, that public approval is God. It teaches boys that they can't have feelings and that violence is good, and teaches girls that their physical appearance determines their value, and that haughtiness and putting others down (including adults) is acceptable. It teaches children to be irreverent and disrespectful (and, in fact, teaches that respect means fear, which it doesn't). It teaches children intolerance and entitlement. It teaches that your value is extrinsic, instead of intrinsic. It teaches that bodies are for stimulating and showing off, and that sex and sexiness is good and commonplace, even among children. It teaches that politeness is embarrassing, and sensationalism is exciting, that religion is foolish and the media accurately portrays what life should be like. It teaches that having stuff is more important than doing stuff, and that badges are more important than kindness (and, in fact, that kindness is embarrassing). It teaches people to be "good enough" (by society's self-set standards) and not really try to reach your potential, discover and develop talents (other than artistic or musical talents), or stretch yourself to learn, grow, and accomplish. It teaches a false value system, that leaves some kids with unrealistically inflated egos and others with unrealistically deflated self-esteem, and all believing that "status" matters and defines who we are and our value and potential. Kids teach each other lies about themselves and others, about "discovering who you are," about how people should interact with each other.
Most of the behaviors taught as "proper socialization" are included in lists of emotionally abusive behaviors, including belittling, mocking, bullying, "mean girl" actions, manipulations, dishonesty, "gentle teasing," "constructive criticism."
Often I read that the long-term prognosis for childhood disorders like ADD and Tourettes is good except for life-long side effects of the way the children are treated in school, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, etc. The so-called "proper" socialization is actively destroying kids who are "different" (through no fault of their own) for their entire lives. Why would I want that for my kid, both if they are different or are taught to notice and care about difference--even if they aren't outright mocking it?
You think that all the things employers complain about young employees comes from proper socialization? You think the bullying problems that are finally being acknowledge (but that have been epidemic for decades) are a result of proper socialization? You think the failing social structure of the teens in our nation (with sex, drugs, gangs, violence, crime, etc) are the result of proper socialization? You think the disintegrating families, increasing racism and bigotry, and belittling of all things religious are the result of "proper socialization"? I think not.
To me, sending your child to a public school to be "properly socialized" is like sending a juvenile offender to an adult prison to teach them how to be an active, functioning part of society. From other, more experienced criminals. (Prison, I have been told by people who have lived there, is a place where criminals learn from each other how to not get caught next time.)
Why would I want that?
In other words, "homeschooled kids don't act like public school kids, and that makes me uncomfortable. Also, won't they grow up to be weird adults, too?"
Usually I say, "Most homeschool families get their kids out of the house into interest-, age-, and talent-based social groups all the time, and research shows that homeschooled children grow up to be better socialized adults--more involved in their communities, more likely to work and enjoy it, more likely to vote and volunteer--than other children do."
But my answer the shortened version of what I actually think, and that has three main parts to it.
1. Just taking the sheer numbers, there are more public-schooled kids and adults who are weird than homeschooled children and adults. It's just that for some reason the "weird" homeschoolers seem to stand out more. I think it's because, given a group of ten children, if ONE is weird, you notice. Given a group of a hundred children, if only 10 are weird, you really are so busy with the other 90 that you don't see the ten. The homeschooling population is smaller, so that even if the percentages of weird vs nonweird are the same, it doesn't "show" the same way. "Weirdness" is tied up so much in personality, genetics, and culture that you can't really attribute it to homeschooling. Besides, who's to say which came first--some kids are homeschooled BECAUSE they were "weird" (have ADD, autism, or Tourette's Syndrome, or a physical, emotional, or intellectual disability, have OCD, are overweight, are religious--lots of Christians and lots of Muslims homeschool--are different from other kids for a number of reasons, or are just plain gifted intellectually or artistically) and were being mistreated for it, not the other way around.
Also, what makes someone "weird"? Lots of homeschooled children come across as weird because they are polite, considerate of children who are of other ages, and are (gasp!) comfortable talking to adults. They also tend to be excited about learning or about their hobbies and willing to express that, and they're a little more emotionally honest, which sometimes is surprising to people who are used to working with kids who have been emotionally beaten into hiding their real thoughts and feelings by the end of first grade. Some tend to be more open about their religions or otherwise seem to have a strong moral, intellectual, or ideological center (whether religious or not). I would submit that "weird" usually just means "not what I expected," and that some things we don't expect are not bad.
2. What is the point of socialization? What does it mean to be properly socialized? (See, nobody asks the naysayers this, and many don't know the answer.) To me, properly socialized means that a person can interact with society in a way that is mutually beneficial, meaningful and appropriate, and that allows the person to eventually become an active, contributing member of our society (socially, politically, etc.), with friends, family, and a job that allows them to support their family. It DOESN'T mean, "Blends in nicely and knows how to act just like other kids." Serious, scholarly research supports the conclusion that homeschool is actually BETTER for socializing children (making them functioning members of society) than public schools.
3. (This is the answer I hear from other homeschooling moms when we're just talking to each other). If you want your child to learn algebra, do you give them a math book (but no answer key) and sit them in a room of other children, who then teach each other their own version of what algebra is? No. That's a ludicrous idea. But that is what we're doing to our kids socially in public schools.
Public schools don't allow children to interact with adults almost at all, and they don't allow children to interact with each other in a meaningful, natural way in a supervised setting. All the "socialization" that takes place in public schools happens in locker rooms, lunch breaks, and recess and is minimally supervised by people who have proper, well-developed social skills. So what you end up with is a bunch of kids making it up--they're teaching each other what they think is the right way to interact. The inexperienced "natural man" is teaching instead of a more refined, skilled, and conscious teacher.
How many moms have complained (or observed) that their kindergartner came home after the first day (or week) and was a different person? What I hear is the child has become, within a week, more brash, disobedient, louder, crass, selfish, judgmental, and bossy (or, alternately, quiet, shy, embarrassed, apologetic, and lacking in confidence and joy). They are also more inclined to pick on other children and distrust adults, more hesitant to try something new or get excited by anything other than the latest media-driven fads. Why would you want that?
From my observations (and I not only went to pubic schools, I taught school for many years), children in public schools learn social skills that their parents spend hours desperately trying to help them un-learn, and that actually hinder the child in work, school, and real-life social interactions.
This so-called "proper" socialization includes kids teaching each other to be catty, selfish, rude, crude, sneaky. It teaches that adults are not to be trusted or confided in (and in fact should be avoided), that kids older than you are scary and kids younger than you are dumb. It teaches that a person's value and potential for contribution to society are firmly revealed by their appearance, that people can never change, that bullying is okay, that sneaking, lying, and manipulating are good. It teaches that conformity is ideal and non-conformity is evil and to be dealt with swiftly and firmly. It teaches that smart is bad, that excelling is embarrassing, and that laziness is the way to go. It teaches kids how to get away with doing as little as possible (in groups, on assignments, in life). It teaches kids not to finish things, that work is bad, that learning is boring or tedious, that public approval is God. It teaches boys that they can't have feelings and that violence is good, and teaches girls that their physical appearance determines their value, and that haughtiness and putting others down (including adults) is acceptable. It teaches children to be irreverent and disrespectful (and, in fact, teaches that respect means fear, which it doesn't). It teaches children intolerance and entitlement. It teaches that your value is extrinsic, instead of intrinsic. It teaches that bodies are for stimulating and showing off, and that sex and sexiness is good and commonplace, even among children. It teaches that politeness is embarrassing, and sensationalism is exciting, that religion is foolish and the media accurately portrays what life should be like. It teaches that having stuff is more important than doing stuff, and that badges are more important than kindness (and, in fact, that kindness is embarrassing). It teaches people to be "good enough" (by society's self-set standards) and not really try to reach your potential, discover and develop talents (other than artistic or musical talents), or stretch yourself to learn, grow, and accomplish. It teaches a false value system, that leaves some kids with unrealistically inflated egos and others with unrealistically deflated self-esteem, and all believing that "status" matters and defines who we are and our value and potential. Kids teach each other lies about themselves and others, about "discovering who you are," about how people should interact with each other.
Most of the behaviors taught as "proper socialization" are included in lists of emotionally abusive behaviors, including belittling, mocking, bullying, "mean girl" actions, manipulations, dishonesty, "gentle teasing," "constructive criticism."
Often I read that the long-term prognosis for childhood disorders like ADD and Tourettes is good except for life-long side effects of the way the children are treated in school, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, etc. The so-called "proper" socialization is actively destroying kids who are "different" (through no fault of their own) for their entire lives. Why would I want that for my kid, both if they are different or are taught to notice and care about difference--even if they aren't outright mocking it?
You think that all the things employers complain about young employees comes from proper socialization? You think the bullying problems that are finally being acknowledge (but that have been epidemic for decades) are a result of proper socialization? You think the failing social structure of the teens in our nation (with sex, drugs, gangs, violence, crime, etc) are the result of proper socialization? You think the disintegrating families, increasing racism and bigotry, and belittling of all things religious are the result of "proper socialization"? I think not.
To me, sending your child to a public school to be "properly socialized" is like sending a juvenile offender to an adult prison to teach them how to be an active, functioning part of society. From other, more experienced criminals. (Prison, I have been told by people who have lived there, is a place where criminals learn from each other how to not get caught next time.)
Why would I want that?
What my kids are learning this year
I've been refining the kids' curricula and have finished both Nathanael's (he begs to do school, so I had to have something for him to do) and Benji (who hovers and watches everyone else's school, so I wanted something level-appropriate for him to do).
I posted the links to the lists of activities they're doing--4 or 5 from the list each day.
You can see what my kids are doing for school here:
http://learninglynx.blogspot.com/2010/08/preschool-curriculum.html
and here:
http://learninglynx.blogspot.com/2010/08/playschool-curriculum-for-ages-1-3.html
I posted the links to the lists of activities they're doing--4 or 5 from the list each day.
You can see what my kids are doing for school here:
http://learninglynx.blogspot.com/2010/08/preschool-curriculum.html
and here:
http://learninglynx.blogspot.com/2010/08/playschool-curriculum-for-ages-1-3.html
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Did I just read that?
From foxnews.com today: "Felony drug possession convictions face a maximum sentence of 4 years in Nevada, and that's what Hilton's charged with " (foxnews.com home page)
Wow. I don't think Paris Hilton would mind being sentenced to 4 years in Nevada. Unless maybe they meant a town like Hawthorne. I'm not sure she'd enjoy that much. But Vegas, I suspect, would be high on her list of places to be stuck for 4 years.....
Say, is that what's wrong with Nevada? It's actually a prison in disguise?
Wow. I don't think Paris Hilton would mind being sentenced to 4 years in Nevada. Unless maybe they meant a town like Hawthorne. I'm not sure she'd enjoy that much. But Vegas, I suspect, would be high on her list of places to be stuck for 4 years.....
Say, is that what's wrong with Nevada? It's actually a prison in disguise?
9 yo says to me today:
and I QUOTE, "That's the incorrect plural form of that word, Mom. It should be fungi."
Later, him: "Why is the term called, 'nebulous'?"
me: "I don't know. It's nebulous."
him: laughter. Lots of it.
You think maybe he's smart? Yeah. Me, too.
Later, him: "Why is the term called, 'nebulous'?"
me: "I don't know. It's nebulous."
him: laughter. Lots of it.
You think maybe he's smart? Yeah. Me, too.
What's been on my mind lately:
4 And it shall be, that thou shalt drink of the brook; and I have commanded the ravens to feed thee there.
5 So he went and did according unto the word of the Lord: for he went and dwelt by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan.
6 And the ravens brought him bread and flesh in the morning, and bread and flesh in the evening; and he drank of the brook.
7 And it came to pass after a while, that the brook dried up, because there had been no rain in the land.
9 Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which belongeth to Zidon, and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a awidow woman there to sustain thee.
10 So he arose and went to Zarephath. And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, the widow woman was there gathering of sticks: and he called to her, and said, Fetch me, I pray thee, a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.
11 And as she was going to fetch it, he called to her, and said, Bring me, I pray thee, a morsel of abread in thine hand.
12 And she said, As the Lord thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die.
14 For thus saith the Lord God of Israel, The barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail, until the day that the Lord sendeth rain upon the earth.
15 And she awent and did according to the saying of Elijah: and she, and he, and her house, did eat many days.
16 And the barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord, which he spake by Elijah."
Few things I noticed: Elijah's stream dried up. And God had other plans for him. But I can't help but imagine how he felt, that God had provided for him, and it didn't work out anyway. At least, not how I would have guessed it would, were I in his place. But that didn't mean God had forgotten him. Just that the plan was not a forever plan, and there was another way to go.
Also I noticed that the widow didn't suddenly have an abundance. But the barrel of meal wasted not--in other words, it wasn't full, but the handful of meal didn't get any LESS. And the cruse of oil didn't fail--it didn't run out--but nobody said it got full. But they didn't starve.
Monday, August 30, 2010
This is what I've noticed, too
I guess some other people have started to clue into the latest rhetoric toward religious people: Your argument isn't valid because I say so, so I will belittle you and not listen. I hate that.
Articles discussing it (thanks, Laramie!):
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/08/26/AR2010082605233.html
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704147804575455523068802824.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read
http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=12996&x=49&y=9
Also, one of those ends with a fantastic section of "Did I just read that". I love it!
Articles discussing it (thanks, Laramie!):
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/08/26/AR2010082605233.html
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704147804575455523068802824.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read
http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=12996&x=49&y=9
Also, one of those ends with a fantastic section of "Did I just read that". I love it!
Did I just read that?
from foxnews.com today: "Police are searching for motives behind the actions of a gunman accused of fatally shooting a Mormon church official dying in a shootout with police."
So the bishop was already dying from a shootout with police, and then another gunman shot him? Huh?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Strange beliefs we run across often:
1. Marriage is a temporary state, like having a boyfriend/girlfriend, so a married person (male or female) is always potentially available someday. This changes interactions between sexes a great deal and (unfortunately) both devalues and weakens marriage, and therefore society.
2. We have a lot of kids because Tim decided he wanted a lot of kids and I had to go along with it. For some reason it never crosses people's minds that we might have decided this together or that (gasp!) I might have wanted a lot of kids! The reality is that with 5 kids in a row, I was the one who started saying, "I think it's time to have another baby." Tim likes kids, so he was okay with that and excited about it, and we ultimately made the decision to go ahead with it together, but it has NEVER been his decision, and if I ever said, "I'm done," he'd say, "Okay." Tim considers each child a gift and thanks me for being willing to have each one--he understands that it's a sacrifice for me, and he would never impose that on me. But it's also a sacrifice for him. And it's a joint decision. It is, after all, not just his family. It's OUR family. And we BOTH wanted a lot of kids, as incomprehensible as that might be to the "modern" woman. And, what's more, having a lot of kids has given BOTH of us an immense amount of joy. Not just Tim. Me, too. And no, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Or that someone imposed this on me.
2. We have a lot of kids because Tim decided he wanted a lot of kids and I had to go along with it. For some reason it never crosses people's minds that we might have decided this together or that (gasp!) I might have wanted a lot of kids! The reality is that with 5 kids in a row, I was the one who started saying, "I think it's time to have another baby." Tim likes kids, so he was okay with that and excited about it, and we ultimately made the decision to go ahead with it together, but it has NEVER been his decision, and if I ever said, "I'm done," he'd say, "Okay." Tim considers each child a gift and thanks me for being willing to have each one--he understands that it's a sacrifice for me, and he would never impose that on me. But it's also a sacrifice for him. And it's a joint decision. It is, after all, not just his family. It's OUR family. And we BOTH wanted a lot of kids, as incomprehensible as that might be to the "modern" woman. And, what's more, having a lot of kids has given BOTH of us an immense amount of joy. Not just Tim. Me, too. And no, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Or that someone imposed this on me.
How Nice to know
Since we moved out of Utah (where I was surrounded by my gifted family and gifted peers), I have grown to understand that I'm weird. I never saw myself as weird before, but I know I'm weird here.
Fortunately for me, two things happened along with that realization: 1) we discovered that we moved to maybe the only state where, culturally, people are not just tolerated but actually valued for being different and 2) I was told by many women that knowing me, and me being comfortable with being weird (they didn't know I didn't realize I was weird) gave them "permission" to be themselves, and they've been much happier since. So I embraced the "weirdness" even though I don't really understand what about me is so different from other women. And I still don't know how to answer people when they say, "You're children are really different from kids their age." And I hear that a LOT. (I think I usually reply, "Now you understand why we home school!"
So today I came across this article, http://hoagiesgifted.org/optimum_intelligence.htm , and was delighted to find that, at least in some circles, I am perfectly normal (not at all weird). And this woman's experience sounds like my mom's life. And my dad's. And my husband's.....Really, I guess I'm not so weird after all!
Fortunately for me, two things happened along with that realization: 1) we discovered that we moved to maybe the only state where, culturally, people are not just tolerated but actually valued for being different and 2) I was told by many women that knowing me, and me being comfortable with being weird (they didn't know I didn't realize I was weird) gave them "permission" to be themselves, and they've been much happier since. So I embraced the "weirdness" even though I don't really understand what about me is so different from other women. And I still don't know how to answer people when they say, "You're children are really different from kids their age." And I hear that a LOT. (I think I usually reply, "Now you understand why we home school!"
So today I came across this article, http://hoagiesgifted.org/optimum_intelligence.htm , and was delighted to find that, at least in some circles, I am perfectly normal (not at all weird). And this woman's experience sounds like my mom's life. And my dad's. And my husband's.....Really, I guess I'm not so weird after all!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
7 Lies about marriage
I read this: http://www.ivillage.com/great-expectations-7-lies-about-marriage/6-a-126549?ivNPA=1&sky=otb|ivl|pp|&obref=obnetwork&p=1
Expecting to argue with it.
But I was surprised--I think the guy is right.
And, amazingly, he points out things that the church has been teaching all along. That's what surprised me. So much about our culture that we don't pay attention to is destroying marriage.
The one thing I think he missed: Number 5 points out that having both spouses working away from the home makes both miserable and breaks down marriages (this is something I hadn't ever thought about; I knew it was unfair to women for our culture to expect them to be everything, but I hadn't thought about what it does to marriage!). The thing the author fails on here is he says the answer is men need to do more housework. In reality, I think the better answer is God's answer: as often as possible, women need to stay at home and do just that one job instead of trying to be home and in the workforce. I just didn't realize that could strengthen marriage!
Expecting to argue with it.
But I was surprised--I think the guy is right.
And, amazingly, he points out things that the church has been teaching all along. That's what surprised me. So much about our culture that we don't pay attention to is destroying marriage.
The one thing I think he missed: Number 5 points out that having both spouses working away from the home makes both miserable and breaks down marriages (this is something I hadn't ever thought about; I knew it was unfair to women for our culture to expect them to be everything, but I hadn't thought about what it does to marriage!). The thing the author fails on here is he says the answer is men need to do more housework. In reality, I think the better answer is God's answer: as often as possible, women need to stay at home and do just that one job instead of trying to be home and in the workforce. I just didn't realize that could strengthen marriage!
Christianity and Teens
Apparently 75% of teenagers claim to be Christian, but most don't even know what they believe. Except...get this...Mormon teens and evangelical teens. (I was glad they included Mormons as Christian on this one!).
"Dean talks to the teens who are articulate about their faith. Most come from Mormon and evangelical churches, which tend to do a better job of instilling religious passion in teens, she says.
"Dean talks to the teens who are articulate about their faith. Most come from Mormon and evangelical churches, which tend to do a better job of instilling religious passion in teens, she says.
"No matter their background, Dean says committed Christian teens share four traits: They have a personal story about God they can share, a deep connection to a faith community, a sense of purpose and a sense of hope about their future.
""There are countless studies that show that religious teenagers do better in school, have better relationships with their parents and engage in less high-risk behavior," she says. "They do a lot of things that parents pray for."" http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/27/almost.christian/
""There are countless studies that show that religious teenagers do better in school, have better relationships with their parents and engage in less high-risk behavior," she says. "They do a lot of things that parents pray for."" http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/27/almost.christian/
And the reason for most teens not knowing or living the gospel they profess to believe?
""If teenagers lack an articulate faith, it may be because the faith we show them is too spineless to merit much in the way of conversation," wrote Dean, a professor of youth and church culture at Princeton Theological Seminary."
In other words, their parents aren't living and believing it, either.
Also this: "Teens want to be challenged; they want their tough questions taken on, she says. "We think that they want cake, but they actually want steak and potatoes, and we keep giving them cake," Corrie says."
And this: "She says pastors often preach a safe message that can bring in the largest number of congregants. The result: more people and yawning in the pews."If your church can't survive without a certain number of members pledging, you might not want to preach a message that might make people mad," Corrie says. "We can all agree that we should all be good and that God rewards those who are nice.""
Interesting that it took them hundreds of years to make this observation: when the people pay the minister, the gospel becomes secondary.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Rough Week
This week, we finished another round of chronotherapy, trying to get sleeping at normal times (like night). No matter how you do it, shifting your sleep schedule 10 hours is always terrible. Especially when you're doing it to a couple of toddlers. There were days that we were so exhausted that even the big kids went to bed in tears. No school happened this week while we tried to work the sleep out.
I took all the kids to church by myself. Difficult is an understatement when I have one that's just starting nursery and won't go by himself and one that still won't go to primary or his class by himself. How do you juggle that?
Tim was out of town and then got back home, but he was on a different sleep schedule than we were. That was weird. He brought all the rest of our stuff from Utah, so now everything we own is in one place again. But mostly still packed because the house still needs a lot of work and who has energy for that?!
My sister was in and out of the hospital with complications from childbirth.
Monday, my parents used money from a stock sale (from stocks they forgot they had) and paid off their house. That was exciting, actually.
Also Monday, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I tried to be reasonable about that and remind myself that it would most likely be okay (it's a fairly common kind of cancer in white men and has a high 5-year survival rate), but I cried myself to sleep. Wednesday he had surgery, which went well. Everything looks good, but it was a traumatic few days for my whole family and still hasn't really settled down--especially since my parents were supposed to leave on a mission to Portugal in a week (and it looks like they still will--that's how well everything seems to be going on that). I don't know when that will settle down--the cancer has a high survival rate but also a fairly high recurrence rate.
Thursday, exhausted from bad sleep for a week, we finally slept dusk to dawn (instead of dawn to late afternoon, as we had been). I think it will still be a few days before we get used to it and settle down to normal life. I, for one, still feel deeply sleep deprived and therefore anxious and grouchy.
Thursday we took Daniel to the dentist with a toothache. I knew he needed work done (there is visible decay), but when you sleep all day, doing things like dentist and doctor appointments is impossible. So now that we're awake at the right hours, that's top priority. Anyway, we found out Dan needs a root canal and crown or his tooth pulled, plus at least 4 other visits to get his mouth in order. For a 4 year old, that usually amounts to a trip to the Children's Hospital to get all the work done at once when the child is asleep. Tuesday we find out more after we see a specialist.
Thursday night Tim took the three big kids to the Scouts activity. They were fishing, and Daniel caught the first and only fish of the night--which they threw back. They had a lot of fun.
We managed to get a free king sized mattress that is both newer and in better condition than the one we have been sleeping on for almost 11 years (which we got used in the first place). That meant we had to re-do our whole bedroom (which wasn't bad because we found the missing lost piece to our bed and could finally put it together right after a year). Lot of work, though.
$800 worth of checks Tim has earned didn't arrive this week like they were supposed to. I hate it when that happens. I have had to come to grips with the fact that, like most of the rest of the people my age in the nation, doing fine might have to be okay (vs living in wealth and luxury like we grew up thinking we should pursue).
Sleep deprived kids have been fighting and crying all week. Sleep deprived me hasn't been able to figure out what to do about that. Daniel, especially, has been either crying, playing wildly, or screaming at me for 6 days straight, from the time he wakes up until well after he's supposed to be asleep.
Tim had to work feverishly to get all his work done this week and still get ready for his next gig--singing at a state fair for 12 days, 4 shows a day. We did a whole summer of fairs when Daniel was a baby, and I remember how miserable they can be. And a lot of work for what amounts to between $8 and $9 an hour. At least he's singing, but I almost told him to pass on the gig and try for temp work for $10-$12/hour where he could stay at home. The thing that stopped me? The temp agencies in town are so swamped that they won't even call Tim back or respond when he fills out the applications!
The house is hot again. It has been raining every afternoon for a month, and now it's not. So we have heat. All day. And despite our coolers working their best, it's up to 80 degrees in the house every afternoon. Makes it hard to make dinner. And when kids are hot, sleepy, grouchy, toothachy, and miserable, what do they want to do? Drape themselves all over me. Just what I want when it's hot and I'm also grouchy and tired and stressed.
We got a letter today from the home insurance people. They never inspected the house before we bought it. They've never inspected it since. They have, however, raised our premiums (and lowered our deductible) without warning or our permission several times since we signed up. So when they sent me an "anonymous" survey about how they're doing, I told them I wasn't really pleased. So what do we get now? A notice that we'll have an exterior inspection in the next 90 days and if they don't like it, they'll cancel the insurance. Never mind that the house looks mostly the same as it did when they signed us up with no inspection 5 years ago! So now I'm terrified that they'll show up and say, "Sorry. To keep your insurance with us, you have to paint the house, fix the broken window, repair the balcony that is loose, fix the flat roof, put grass in the front yard, etc." (And those things do need to be done--this house was built in 1972 and is still wearing it's original coat of paint. It's never been repainted ever.). It's not that I'm opposed to doing those things. They're on the list. For when we have the money for them. NOW is not the time for that to become a requirement.
And next week we're facing me teaching primary (subbing for Dan's class), Caleb giving a talk in primary, Daniel having a dentist appointment, me having a doctor appointment, the kids' first day of school ever (for a group homeschool run by the state, so it's free, and that gets GREAT reviews from the other homeschooling parents), and possibly me driving the kids six hours back to Nebraska so we can be with Tim. All with just pregnant me and five kids under the age of 10.
So is it any wonder that I cried when we dropped Tim off at the airport this morning?
I took all the kids to church by myself. Difficult is an understatement when I have one that's just starting nursery and won't go by himself and one that still won't go to primary or his class by himself. How do you juggle that?
Tim was out of town and then got back home, but he was on a different sleep schedule than we were. That was weird. He brought all the rest of our stuff from Utah, so now everything we own is in one place again. But mostly still packed because the house still needs a lot of work and who has energy for that?!
My sister was in and out of the hospital with complications from childbirth.
Monday, my parents used money from a stock sale (from stocks they forgot they had) and paid off their house. That was exciting, actually.
Also Monday, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I tried to be reasonable about that and remind myself that it would most likely be okay (it's a fairly common kind of cancer in white men and has a high 5-year survival rate), but I cried myself to sleep. Wednesday he had surgery, which went well. Everything looks good, but it was a traumatic few days for my whole family and still hasn't really settled down--especially since my parents were supposed to leave on a mission to Portugal in a week (and it looks like they still will--that's how well everything seems to be going on that). I don't know when that will settle down--the cancer has a high survival rate but also a fairly high recurrence rate.
Thursday, exhausted from bad sleep for a week, we finally slept dusk to dawn (instead of dawn to late afternoon, as we had been). I think it will still be a few days before we get used to it and settle down to normal life. I, for one, still feel deeply sleep deprived and therefore anxious and grouchy.
Thursday we took Daniel to the dentist with a toothache. I knew he needed work done (there is visible decay), but when you sleep all day, doing things like dentist and doctor appointments is impossible. So now that we're awake at the right hours, that's top priority. Anyway, we found out Dan needs a root canal and crown or his tooth pulled, plus at least 4 other visits to get his mouth in order. For a 4 year old, that usually amounts to a trip to the Children's Hospital to get all the work done at once when the child is asleep. Tuesday we find out more after we see a specialist.
Thursday night Tim took the three big kids to the Scouts activity. They were fishing, and Daniel caught the first and only fish of the night--which they threw back. They had a lot of fun.
We managed to get a free king sized mattress that is both newer and in better condition than the one we have been sleeping on for almost 11 years (which we got used in the first place). That meant we had to re-do our whole bedroom (which wasn't bad because we found the missing lost piece to our bed and could finally put it together right after a year). Lot of work, though.
$800 worth of checks Tim has earned didn't arrive this week like they were supposed to. I hate it when that happens. I have had to come to grips with the fact that, like most of the rest of the people my age in the nation, doing fine might have to be okay (vs living in wealth and luxury like we grew up thinking we should pursue).
Sleep deprived kids have been fighting and crying all week. Sleep deprived me hasn't been able to figure out what to do about that. Daniel, especially, has been either crying, playing wildly, or screaming at me for 6 days straight, from the time he wakes up until well after he's supposed to be asleep.
Tim had to work feverishly to get all his work done this week and still get ready for his next gig--singing at a state fair for 12 days, 4 shows a day. We did a whole summer of fairs when Daniel was a baby, and I remember how miserable they can be. And a lot of work for what amounts to between $8 and $9 an hour. At least he's singing, but I almost told him to pass on the gig and try for temp work for $10-$12/hour where he could stay at home. The thing that stopped me? The temp agencies in town are so swamped that they won't even call Tim back or respond when he fills out the applications!
The house is hot again. It has been raining every afternoon for a month, and now it's not. So we have heat. All day. And despite our coolers working their best, it's up to 80 degrees in the house every afternoon. Makes it hard to make dinner. And when kids are hot, sleepy, grouchy, toothachy, and miserable, what do they want to do? Drape themselves all over me. Just what I want when it's hot and I'm also grouchy and tired and stressed.
We got a letter today from the home insurance people. They never inspected the house before we bought it. They've never inspected it since. They have, however, raised our premiums (and lowered our deductible) without warning or our permission several times since we signed up. So when they sent me an "anonymous" survey about how they're doing, I told them I wasn't really pleased. So what do we get now? A notice that we'll have an exterior inspection in the next 90 days and if they don't like it, they'll cancel the insurance. Never mind that the house looks mostly the same as it did when they signed us up with no inspection 5 years ago! So now I'm terrified that they'll show up and say, "Sorry. To keep your insurance with us, you have to paint the house, fix the broken window, repair the balcony that is loose, fix the flat roof, put grass in the front yard, etc." (And those things do need to be done--this house was built in 1972 and is still wearing it's original coat of paint. It's never been repainted ever.). It's not that I'm opposed to doing those things. They're on the list. For when we have the money for them. NOW is not the time for that to become a requirement.
And next week we're facing me teaching primary (subbing for Dan's class), Caleb giving a talk in primary, Daniel having a dentist appointment, me having a doctor appointment, the kids' first day of school ever (for a group homeschool run by the state, so it's free, and that gets GREAT reviews from the other homeschooling parents), and possibly me driving the kids six hours back to Nebraska so we can be with Tim. All with just pregnant me and five kids under the age of 10.
So is it any wonder that I cried when we dropped Tim off at the airport this morning?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Today I.....
Today I spent all day on the phone helping moms start homeschooling for the first time. It was amazing to find that they had the same questions and worries I did the first few years of homeschooling my kids.
I guess muddling through it for the last 4 1/2 years and growing up in an environment where alternative education was welcome, I've learned a few things.
But the biggest thing I can offer moms that they're not going to find almost anywhere else is I know how to homeschool when you have NO money to invest in it. The people I talked to today, on the whole, were in the same boat we are: can't even print online worksheets because the ink and paper cost too much. And I have spent a lot of time getting educated and finding resources for just that situation. What I've found is that if you can access the internet, you can homeschool for really truly free and without the pressures a cyberschool puts on you. And I really believe you can get a better education than you can through any of the programs out there, if you just know where to look (and I think it's great fun to find those where to look places).
Honestly, if it could be my job to interview kids and then create custom homeschooling online curricula for them, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That sounds like fun to me! And the parents I've talked to today were, across the board, excited about the possibility of customizing their child's learning to match their abilities, challenges, and talents. It's really very fun. And liberating. Especially as you grasp the idea that YOU really are in charge, and you can do great, fun things without having to do busy work.
So what I'm doing now is, as I finish each of my children's curricula, I'm going to be putting them up, complete, online so that other parents can access and use them as a starting point for making their own for their kids. Granted, not everyone is going to want to include materials science for their kindergartener, but at least it will give people an idea of what they can do.
And you know what? I REALLY enjoy helping people get started homeschooling. It's a way of teaching, and I love teaching.
I guess muddling through it for the last 4 1/2 years and growing up in an environment where alternative education was welcome, I've learned a few things.
But the biggest thing I can offer moms that they're not going to find almost anywhere else is I know how to homeschool when you have NO money to invest in it. The people I talked to today, on the whole, were in the same boat we are: can't even print online worksheets because the ink and paper cost too much. And I have spent a lot of time getting educated and finding resources for just that situation. What I've found is that if you can access the internet, you can homeschool for really truly free and without the pressures a cyberschool puts on you. And I really believe you can get a better education than you can through any of the programs out there, if you just know where to look (and I think it's great fun to find those where to look places).
Honestly, if it could be my job to interview kids and then create custom homeschooling online curricula for them, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That sounds like fun to me! And the parents I've talked to today were, across the board, excited about the possibility of customizing their child's learning to match their abilities, challenges, and talents. It's really very fun. And liberating. Especially as you grasp the idea that YOU really are in charge, and you can do great, fun things without having to do busy work.
So what I'm doing now is, as I finish each of my children's curricula, I'm going to be putting them up, complete, online so that other parents can access and use them as a starting point for making their own for their kids. Granted, not everyone is going to want to include materials science for their kindergartener, but at least it will give people an idea of what they can do.
And you know what? I REALLY enjoy helping people get started homeschooling. It's a way of teaching, and I love teaching.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Things we teach high schoolers that writers should note:
Good storytelling, summed up in one page: http://www.readwritethink.org/files/resources/printouts/goodstorytellingR.pdf
Writing for children, summed up in one page:
http://www.readwritethink.org/files/resources/printouts/tipsforteensR.pdf
Writing for children, summed up in one page:
http://www.readwritethink.org/files/resources/printouts/tipsforteensR.pdf
Musician Pay
I frequently laugh that musicians do get paid in money, but often get paid in other ways, too. For example, we get free hotel rooms and admission to whatever event Tim is singing at (state fairs, arts festivals, etc.). We get meals sometimes. Often we get exposure to new fans and people who are hiring entertainment (Tim gets paid for good work by getting more work.).
The funny thing is, Tim is most often paid the "secondary" payment in T-shirts. And maybe second in stuffed animals.
This weekend, Tim did a fantastic show in Logan and got paid more in tips than he ever has gotten for tips before.
Plus he was paid in the form of three red potatoes and a miniature watermelon.
I guess that's what you get when you play farmer's markets!
(And, quite frankly, I was delighted. Getting paid in food makes a lot of sense to me!)
The funny thing is, Tim is most often paid the "secondary" payment in T-shirts. And maybe second in stuffed animals.
This weekend, Tim did a fantastic show in Logan and got paid more in tips than he ever has gotten for tips before.
Plus he was paid in the form of three red potatoes and a miniature watermelon.
I guess that's what you get when you play farmer's markets!
(And, quite frankly, I was delighted. Getting paid in food makes a lot of sense to me!)
Latest "project"
I mentioned before that I was working like crazy to get the kids' school curricula ready for them. This entails finding activities in each subject to supplement the Head of the Class curriculum they are signed up for because I find Head of the Class to be a nice seed, but not a complete, fulfilling curriculum. But it's free and I love the interface--and they let me put other activities from around the web into their interface. Anything that has a website or a download link can be inserted, so I've been digging for web activities, interactives, interviews, lessons, and .pdfs to add to what Head of the Class provides.
It's a fun search, but doing it for 5 kids is a little overwhelming. Especially since I keep finding things that really fit into other years of my master plan, so I've also been filling out 1st and 3rd grade extensively (and I don't have anyone in those grade) 5th grade pretty heavily, and 6-8 lightly (and I don't have anyone those ages yet!).
The search has been really interesting, and has resulted, I think, in learning materials that are more appropriate for gifted kids than the usual options (either the material is too easy by far and too repetitive by far but appropriately entertaining, or the material is intellectually stimulating but not really high interest and fun). For example, Anda's biology curriculum, as it's coming together, consists of core lessons from AP Biology on Hippocampus surrounded by coloring sheets, art projects, kiddie animal music videos, interviews with biologists, outdoor experiences, videos from Bill Nye, materials from Mythbusters, cut-and-glue worksheets, and other more traditional materials pulled from the entire K-12 spectrum. So, for example, she'll read a passage from a college-level textbook about animal adaptation, and then watch a video of a picture book of camouflage, do an interactive activity about tide pool animals versus coral reef animals, play a "find the camouflaged animal" interactive designed for 8th graders, watch a clip of a National Geographic movie on animal adaptation, and then color a picture or create a wall mural or puppets from cut-outs. By collecting materials from the whole range, we can stimulate both her brain and her interest and keep the learning fun without making it boring.
And I'm doing that for 5 kids, covering 2 different preschools (one for kids who can't get control a pen well or click-and-drag and one that is really kindergarten-level, learning to write and do math), Kindergarten (which is really more akin to an average 1st grade), 2nd grade, and 4th grade. Really, none of the years actually resemble what they do in public schools, though. I just find it easier socially and mentally when interacting with the public schools to call them by their age-grades and just make sure the material is actually appropriate for my child.
So it's been fun. And it's been really fun to have the kids gather around and watch me collecting learning experiences for them and have them saying, "Can I do school right now?"
It's a fun search, but doing it for 5 kids is a little overwhelming. Especially since I keep finding things that really fit into other years of my master plan, so I've also been filling out 1st and 3rd grade extensively (and I don't have anyone in those grade) 5th grade pretty heavily, and 6-8 lightly (and I don't have anyone those ages yet!).
The search has been really interesting, and has resulted, I think, in learning materials that are more appropriate for gifted kids than the usual options (either the material is too easy by far and too repetitive by far but appropriately entertaining, or the material is intellectually stimulating but not really high interest and fun). For example, Anda's biology curriculum, as it's coming together, consists of core lessons from AP Biology on Hippocampus surrounded by coloring sheets, art projects, kiddie animal music videos, interviews with biologists, outdoor experiences, videos from Bill Nye, materials from Mythbusters, cut-and-glue worksheets, and other more traditional materials pulled from the entire K-12 spectrum. So, for example, she'll read a passage from a college-level textbook about animal adaptation, and then watch a video of a picture book of camouflage, do an interactive activity about tide pool animals versus coral reef animals, play a "find the camouflaged animal" interactive designed for 8th graders, watch a clip of a National Geographic movie on animal adaptation, and then color a picture or create a wall mural or puppets from cut-outs. By collecting materials from the whole range, we can stimulate both her brain and her interest and keep the learning fun without making it boring.
And I'm doing that for 5 kids, covering 2 different preschools (one for kids who can't get control a pen well or click-and-drag and one that is really kindergarten-level, learning to write and do math), Kindergarten (which is really more akin to an average 1st grade), 2nd grade, and 4th grade. Really, none of the years actually resemble what they do in public schools, though. I just find it easier socially and mentally when interacting with the public schools to call them by their age-grades and just make sure the material is actually appropriate for my child.
So it's been fun. And it's been really fun to have the kids gather around and watch me collecting learning experiences for them and have them saying, "Can I do school right now?"
Kids at church
I was watching all the boys in primary yesterday while I sat with a terrified 4 year old, and I saw that every boy and girl who was over 5 years old--the ones who have been the school--didn't quite act like my kids. The girls were playing with toys and ribbons and not paying attention, and the boys were downright irreverent--mocking those who were singing the songs, refusing to participate in the prayers, talking and squirming and ignoring the teachers. And then there were my kids: so totally different from most of their peers (not all--there were other well-behaved kids scattered around the room, but they were mostly on the other side of the room from me, and heavily overshadowed by the kids surrounding me). My kids were sitting quietly, listening, singing when it was time to sing, praying.
And I sat and looked at them acting more like the 4 and 5 year olds (who were, on the whole, reverent) than the "big kids" and wondered if there was something wrong with my kids.
Then Primary ended and I dragged my exhausted family out into the hall and found all 4 little kids gathered around Caleb because he was holding a single chocolate chip cookie. He said he'd answered a question in class and earned one cookie, and then at the end, the teacher just gave him another. He asked me to break it into 4 pieces. So I did, and handed him the first one. "No," he said. "I only asked for 4 pieces. These are for the other kids. I already had some." He had saved the entire second cookie for his siblings--none for himself at all.
I came away with tears in my eyes.
My kids might be different, but I'd say that it isn't that there's something wrong. There is something very very right.
And I sat and looked at them acting more like the 4 and 5 year olds (who were, on the whole, reverent) than the "big kids" and wondered if there was something wrong with my kids.
Then Primary ended and I dragged my exhausted family out into the hall and found all 4 little kids gathered around Caleb because he was holding a single chocolate chip cookie. He said he'd answered a question in class and earned one cookie, and then at the end, the teacher just gave him another. He asked me to break it into 4 pieces. So I did, and handed him the first one. "No," he said. "I only asked for 4 pieces. These are for the other kids. I already had some." He had saved the entire second cookie for his siblings--none for himself at all.
I came away with tears in my eyes.
My kids might be different, but I'd say that it isn't that there's something wrong. There is something very very right.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
This irks me.
Labeled "national interest", Fox published a story about a lesbian couple in Texas whose daughter was refused admittal to a conservative Christian private school on the grounds that the school was confident the girl would not be comfortable there, being taught conservative Christian values that went against her lifestyle at home.
And the article sides with the LESBIANS. Not the school, who were absolutely right. It's totally unfair to admit a child who has a lifestyle they will be preaching against on a regular basis. And, to the school's defense, their admissions policy apparently is to reject ALL children of parents who aren't living their standards, homosexual or heterosexual.
Two things struck me about this: one, it's not a story that should be of "national interest." It's a local story that goes on almost every day with almost every private school. Kids are refused admission all the time for not fitting the profile. Nobody complains when a kid with an IQ of 85 is not admitted to a school for gifted students whose IQs average 185--even if the reason is that the kid wouldn't be comfortable or thrive in the environment. Private schools have the right, actually, to refuse admission for no reason at all if they want. They are PRIVATE organizations, not public. So this is not an issue of "national interest."
The other thing that struck me was that the article so clearly spun the situation to make it negative for religion and paint it so that religion is victimizing lesbians. That is absolutely NOT true.
I think the media is doing more to destroy the first amendment than anyone else.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/08/21/texas-school-rejects-lesbian-couples-daughter/
And the article sides with the LESBIANS. Not the school, who were absolutely right. It's totally unfair to admit a child who has a lifestyle they will be preaching against on a regular basis. And, to the school's defense, their admissions policy apparently is to reject ALL children of parents who aren't living their standards, homosexual or heterosexual.
Two things struck me about this: one, it's not a story that should be of "national interest." It's a local story that goes on almost every day with almost every private school. Kids are refused admission all the time for not fitting the profile. Nobody complains when a kid with an IQ of 85 is not admitted to a school for gifted students whose IQs average 185--even if the reason is that the kid wouldn't be comfortable or thrive in the environment. Private schools have the right, actually, to refuse admission for no reason at all if they want. They are PRIVATE organizations, not public. So this is not an issue of "national interest."
The other thing that struck me was that the article so clearly spun the situation to make it negative for religion and paint it so that religion is victimizing lesbians. That is absolutely NOT true.
I think the media is doing more to destroy the first amendment than anyone else.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/08/21/texas-school-rejects-lesbian-couples-daughter/
Social Upheavals?
I find it very interesting that the world around me has had a resurgence of Feminism being pushed, and a new set of scientists pushing the idea that men and women are identical in their brains, and only nurture, not nature separates them.
It's like we've come back to our parent's challenges once more.
It's like we've come back to our parent's challenges once more.
Sugar
After a very difficult summer vacation (this spring), Caleb took himself off sugar.
He and I have both noticed that he's calmer, happier, more social, and more able to focus on his math assignments (the only ones he struggled with last year).
Could be he's just older.
Could be the sugar.
He and I have both noticed that he's calmer, happier, more social, and more able to focus on his math assignments (the only ones he struggled with last year).
Could be he's just older.
Could be the sugar.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
More on Mormon Feminism
My brother, Jon, is a brilliant scholar and thinker. He's also an open and active Mormon Apologist (which means "defender of the faith" not "apologizer for what we are"). He's a great example to me--I'm usually terrified to speak or write in defense of what I know is right. I almost didn't hit "publish" on my last post on Mormon Feminism for fear of the backlash (which never came--I suppose because Mormon Feminists don't like to read blogs of happy Mormon women--it disproves their points. All of them.).
ANYWAY, Jon wrote a nice piece on Mormon Feminism. You can read it here:
http://www.sixteensmallstones.org/why-the-new-mormon-feminism-will-fail
I don't know why the Feminism thing has hit so hard and so fast and so strong and so suddenly, but a LOT of my friends have noticed it. Jon's insights are both enlightening and comforting--if we, as women, stay the course and trust in God, he will protect his church and us.
The thing that has struck me in recent days is that the world is increasingly requiring us to rely on our faith in God just to get by (all of you women who are trying to hold things together and raise your babies while your husband spends months and years searching for work will know exactly what I'm talking about. And you're not the only ones). The Mormon Feminists are another voice out there that is subtly (and not-so-subtly) attacking our faith, planting doubts, and generally making it more difficult to hold to the rod. (And the sad things is, they're PROUD of this! Proud that they're making life difficult and trying to move us further from God and closer to the world.)
But what do we do with the voices in the Great and Spacious Building? We don't listen to them.
Just cling to the rod, even if other women in the church mock and laugh. As Jon so aptly reminds us--God is the one in charge, and his is the only opinion we need be concerned with.
ANYWAY, Jon wrote a nice piece on Mormon Feminism. You can read it here:
http://www.sixteensmallstones.org/why-the-new-mormon-feminism-will-fail
I don't know why the Feminism thing has hit so hard and so fast and so strong and so suddenly, but a LOT of my friends have noticed it. Jon's insights are both enlightening and comforting--if we, as women, stay the course and trust in God, he will protect his church and us.
The thing that has struck me in recent days is that the world is increasingly requiring us to rely on our faith in God just to get by (all of you women who are trying to hold things together and raise your babies while your husband spends months and years searching for work will know exactly what I'm talking about. And you're not the only ones). The Mormon Feminists are another voice out there that is subtly (and not-so-subtly) attacking our faith, planting doubts, and generally making it more difficult to hold to the rod. (And the sad things is, they're PROUD of this! Proud that they're making life difficult and trying to move us further from God and closer to the world.)
But what do we do with the voices in the Great and Spacious Building? We don't listen to them.
Just cling to the rod, even if other women in the church mock and laugh. As Jon so aptly reminds us--God is the one in charge, and his is the only opinion we need be concerned with.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Did I just read that?
From craigslist today: "Candidate would need their own computer, ink-jet printer, and a reliable means of transpiration. An excellent candidate would also be enthusiastic, extremely-efficient, and hard working." http://boulder.craigslist.org/dmg/1902909783.html
And also a plant. Swamp Things encouraged to apply.
("Transpiration" is evaporation from plant leaves.)
And also a plant. Swamp Things encouraged to apply.
("Transpiration" is evaporation from plant leaves.)
Did I just read that?
from ksl.com today: "6 badly injured in 'miracle' crash flown to Bogota" http://www.ksl.com/?nid=235&sid=12014397
I'd say it's a miracle if they can fly a crash anywhere!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Why I'm Not a Mormon Feminist
It has come to my attention that many of my friends from my childhood--all brilliant--have grown up to be the new leaders in the Mormon Feminist movement.
This has left me pondering some over the past few days. I have never self-identified as a Mormon Feminist--or, indeed, as a feminist at all. While it chafes me that women still get less pay for equal work, and I am deeply offended when rape victims are blamed for the crime, and I can't stand the idea of male supremacy, I also find that the feminist movement has done more damage than the men have to my freedom to be a happy, fulfilled woman. I get more opposition from feminists than I ever do from men. I deeply respect people like Susan B. Anthony and Brigham Young who worked hard and long for respect and equality for women, but I hate that feminists tend to be philosophy-nazis (if you don't toe the party line--our party line--you are evil and to be taken care of and put in your place).
So why am I not a Mormon Feminist when so many of my friends are?
Well, first of all, what I see from the Mormon Feminists is a whole bunch of women who have planted their feet firmly in the world and are trying to force the rest of us to join them in whatever the current social trends tell us is "right." This doesn't sit well with me because I have studied history: current social trends tend to be passing and also tend to be oppressive and ultimately bad for society, regardless of their rhetoric (take, for an example, the Inquisition. Also the Salem Witch Trials. Also the free love, lotsa drugs '60s Hippie Movement.). Personally, I really do believe that there is a God, and that He knows everything, and that He loves me, and that He is talking to prophets who relay HIS message, not their own. Consequently, I believe that his instructions, even if they don't make perfect sense to me, will make me happier ultimately than anything I come up with on my own. Therefore, trying to change God's instructions to match the current social trends doesn't make sense. I'm all about pushing for change or rejecting things I disagree with in social, political, cultural institutions that are run by people. Seriously. Why else would I homeschool? Why else be so nonconformist as I am? People are stupid and swayed by trend and tradition, and sometimes need to be pushed to change for the better.
But that is the key reason I'm not a Mormon Feminist: Their actions and beliefs indicate they believe the church is run by people. My actions and beliefs indicate I believe the church is run by God. It makes a difference--a significant difference.
There are other things, which really all spring from that one key difference. For example, the Mormon Feminists seem bent on carving out a cultural "Women's Place" in the church that is founded primarily on Wiccan philosophy and approach to womanhood. I personally don't find that necessary. Women HAVE a place in the church--a very important one--but it's not based on celebrating womanhood, but on taking what women are especially good at and serving others. Where the Mormon Feminists want to look at and focus on us as us for our own sakes, the Church asks us to focus on us as us for OTHER'S sakes--other women and families. Personally, I believe more in the latter. It's more unifying, strengthening, and bonding, and ultimately puts women in an even more important position than a Wiccan "goddess nest" would. The MFs believe in making a place for women at the exclusion of others (because they believe that makes us stronger). The Church has a place for women--called Relief Society--that is focused on women's true place in the world: as part of a family and part of our world. A woman's true strength and value cannot be separated from other people--men and children--because life cannot and should not be separated that way.
Everything the Mormon Feminists do and work toward ultimately seems to point to a single goal: Getting women the priesthood. The result of that is their actions subtly devalue the power and authority of the priesthood, replacing ordinances, for example, with rituals that exclude men and celebrate women. It's almost as if they value themselves so little that they're running around saying, "I'm going to prove that I don't need YOU." When really, that's not how it works. God set it up on purpose that the women need the men--and the men need the women. BOTH are necessary. The MFs have confused the Priesthood with power, when really it is an obligation to service much like motherhood. In fact, the scriptures make it abundantly clear that if a man tries to use the Priesthood to elevate himself or give himself power, he loses it.
I, personally, see the priesthood as God's way of putting men closer to the natural position of women as integral to His plans. Women, by their nature and birthright, are necessary for God's plan to go forward (who else can give bodies to the babies and nurture them? Nobody). In order to not lose the men, they had to have some reason that they were also integral to the plan, so that families would lean in toward relying on each other, instead of apart, with women doing the family thing and men doing the sperm donor, violence, selfishness thing and leaving all the women to run the civilized world. In highly feminist organizations we've been involved in, we've found the men are roundly rejected from a young age as worthless. That thwarts God's plan, which is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of ALL his children--men and women. (And, if you've been to the temple, you'll know that men and women really can't get there without each other. Neither is more important than the other, but our world has a hard time grasping the concept of equally important and still very different.)
I guess that's the thing with the whole women and the Priesthood issue: you can't come at it from the World's point of view, or it doesn't make sense. But if you try to look at from God's point of view (as much as is possible based on the scriptures), it's a whole different issue.
There are other things, too. I keep wanting to tell the women that if, for example, they feel left out of Sunday school, perhaps they should put the work into becoming Sister Scriptorians, as President Kimball begged them to, and then go into the class and Raise Their Hands to make comments, rather than petitioning the church to change things. Also that if they want things changed, perhaps asking the bishop is less productive than appealing to the Lord, who is the one in charge. If they don't understand something, perhaps they might try what Sister Beck urged them to and get some personal revelation rather than simply rejecting it. God does talk to women, after all. Directly. All the time.
Ultimately, the reason I think I'm not a Mormon Feminist is I've tried living life the way the church suggests, and I've studied the scriptures and words of the prophet, and I've found that it did, indeed, work at making me happy. So why agitate for change? I'm not discontent, and I don't believe in creating discontents just to have something to work for.
This has left me pondering some over the past few days. I have never self-identified as a Mormon Feminist--or, indeed, as a feminist at all. While it chafes me that women still get less pay for equal work, and I am deeply offended when rape victims are blamed for the crime, and I can't stand the idea of male supremacy, I also find that the feminist movement has done more damage than the men have to my freedom to be a happy, fulfilled woman. I get more opposition from feminists than I ever do from men. I deeply respect people like Susan B. Anthony and Brigham Young who worked hard and long for respect and equality for women, but I hate that feminists tend to be philosophy-nazis (if you don't toe the party line--our party line--you are evil and to be taken care of and put in your place).
So why am I not a Mormon Feminist when so many of my friends are?
Well, first of all, what I see from the Mormon Feminists is a whole bunch of women who have planted their feet firmly in the world and are trying to force the rest of us to join them in whatever the current social trends tell us is "right." This doesn't sit well with me because I have studied history: current social trends tend to be passing and also tend to be oppressive and ultimately bad for society, regardless of their rhetoric (take, for an example, the Inquisition. Also the Salem Witch Trials. Also the free love, lotsa drugs '60s Hippie Movement.). Personally, I really do believe that there is a God, and that He knows everything, and that He loves me, and that He is talking to prophets who relay HIS message, not their own. Consequently, I believe that his instructions, even if they don't make perfect sense to me, will make me happier ultimately than anything I come up with on my own. Therefore, trying to change God's instructions to match the current social trends doesn't make sense. I'm all about pushing for change or rejecting things I disagree with in social, political, cultural institutions that are run by people. Seriously. Why else would I homeschool? Why else be so nonconformist as I am? People are stupid and swayed by trend and tradition, and sometimes need to be pushed to change for the better.
But that is the key reason I'm not a Mormon Feminist: Their actions and beliefs indicate they believe the church is run by people. My actions and beliefs indicate I believe the church is run by God. It makes a difference--a significant difference.
There are other things, which really all spring from that one key difference. For example, the Mormon Feminists seem bent on carving out a cultural "Women's Place" in the church that is founded primarily on Wiccan philosophy and approach to womanhood. I personally don't find that necessary. Women HAVE a place in the church--a very important one--but it's not based on celebrating womanhood, but on taking what women are especially good at and serving others. Where the Mormon Feminists want to look at and focus on us as us for our own sakes, the Church asks us to focus on us as us for OTHER'S sakes--other women and families. Personally, I believe more in the latter. It's more unifying, strengthening, and bonding, and ultimately puts women in an even more important position than a Wiccan "goddess nest" would. The MFs believe in making a place for women at the exclusion of others (because they believe that makes us stronger). The Church has a place for women--called Relief Society--that is focused on women's true place in the world: as part of a family and part of our world. A woman's true strength and value cannot be separated from other people--men and children--because life cannot and should not be separated that way.
Everything the Mormon Feminists do and work toward ultimately seems to point to a single goal: Getting women the priesthood. The result of that is their actions subtly devalue the power and authority of the priesthood, replacing ordinances, for example, with rituals that exclude men and celebrate women. It's almost as if they value themselves so little that they're running around saying, "I'm going to prove that I don't need YOU." When really, that's not how it works. God set it up on purpose that the women need the men--and the men need the women. BOTH are necessary. The MFs have confused the Priesthood with power, when really it is an obligation to service much like motherhood. In fact, the scriptures make it abundantly clear that if a man tries to use the Priesthood to elevate himself or give himself power, he loses it.
I, personally, see the priesthood as God's way of putting men closer to the natural position of women as integral to His plans. Women, by their nature and birthright, are necessary for God's plan to go forward (who else can give bodies to the babies and nurture them? Nobody). In order to not lose the men, they had to have some reason that they were also integral to the plan, so that families would lean in toward relying on each other, instead of apart, with women doing the family thing and men doing the sperm donor, violence, selfishness thing and leaving all the women to run the civilized world. In highly feminist organizations we've been involved in, we've found the men are roundly rejected from a young age as worthless. That thwarts God's plan, which is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of ALL his children--men and women. (And, if you've been to the temple, you'll know that men and women really can't get there without each other. Neither is more important than the other, but our world has a hard time grasping the concept of equally important and still very different.)
I guess that's the thing with the whole women and the Priesthood issue: you can't come at it from the World's point of view, or it doesn't make sense. But if you try to look at from God's point of view (as much as is possible based on the scriptures), it's a whole different issue.
There are other things, too. I keep wanting to tell the women that if, for example, they feel left out of Sunday school, perhaps they should put the work into becoming Sister Scriptorians, as President Kimball begged them to, and then go into the class and Raise Their Hands to make comments, rather than petitioning the church to change things. Also that if they want things changed, perhaps asking the bishop is less productive than appealing to the Lord, who is the one in charge. If they don't understand something, perhaps they might try what Sister Beck urged them to and get some personal revelation rather than simply rejecting it. God does talk to women, after all. Directly. All the time.
Ultimately, the reason I think I'm not a Mormon Feminist is I've tried living life the way the church suggests, and I've studied the scriptures and words of the prophet, and I've found that it did, indeed, work at making me happy. So why agitate for change? I'm not discontent, and I don't believe in creating discontents just to have something to work for.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Interesting quote from article on why religion is not delusion:
"Second, an important finding that has emerged over the past 20 years or so from the cognitive science of religion is that religious thinking builds quite seamlessly on our natural modes of cognition. By evolutionary design, we tend to see the world in terms of intentional, meaningful patterns. Religious thinking simply takes this mode of thought to its very logical conclusion: we're inclined to think the world is an intentionally created, meaningful place because it is. Since religious thinking comes naturally to us, it is actually the skeptical mindset that requires greater effort to consistently maintain. Which leads to an interesting hypothesis: given the relatively greater mental effort required to maintain skeptical beliefs, it should be atheistic thinking, more so than religious thinking, that is prone to slide into pathology."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-j-rossano/why-religion-is-emnotem-d_b_611148.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-j-rossano/why-religion-is-emnotem-d_b_611148.html
On the disenchantment with a false savior.
I thought this was a nice, well-written piece:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704164904575421363005578460.html
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704164904575421363005578460.html
Friday, August 13, 2010
"What are you up to"?
What am I up to lately? People keep asking.
Well.....
I've calculated the number of school lessons I want each child to do in a year, and I've been going through their curricula one at a time (that's 5 years worth of learning), checking each lesson that's on there to be sure I didn't overdo one thing or not cover another. I've been also searching out lessons online to fill in the gaps (I figure the big kids need 2100 lessons for the year, and Nathanael needs 720. That's a lot of ABC videos and color games on a preschool level!).
We started school a week ago, so we've been getting used to doing that every day again.
I gave Caleb a standardized test to satisfy the homeschooling law. Without even doing most of 3rd grade math, he ended up in the 92nd percentile overall. The law states you have to be above the 17th percentile to continue homeschooling, so we have no problems there. We're also trying to finish 3rd and 4th grade math for Caleb this year, so that he's not behind anymore.
I came to the conclusion that it's easier to just tell everyone what grades my kids are in by age instead of ability level. So they are now in K, 2, and 4. Never mind that "2" in our house means college biology, 3rd grade language arts, and 2-4th grade math all in one year. Never mind that 4 means college history and biology. He's just in 4th grade, and our curriculum is a little different from yours, that's all! (Or not, since so many of you have gifted kids, too!).
The downstairs toilet flusher arm broke (the nut cracked and fell off), so I bought a new one and installed it. Then the upstairs toilet flusher arm broke (the arm itself cracked and fell off), so I recycled the old one I'd removed and used it with the still-good nut from upstairs and fixed it. I love having just a little mechanical ability--saves us lots of stress, time, and money, and allows me to fix things even when Tim is out of town or busy.
Nathanael taught himself how to use the computer mouse to point and click (still can't click and drag yet, but we'll get there). That's pretty good for a guy who is still learning the names of the foods he eats! So I've spent a deal of time teaching him how to use the computer. I had to teach him what an arrow was and what sparkles were so he could use starfall.com, which is very toddler-friendly and educational. He's only 19 months old, so teaching introductory computer science is a little tricky, and we sometimes have tears when he can't get a non-link to do something (you mean you can't click on anything on the screen and get action?), or when he gets to the wrong page and doesn't know how to go back. It's especially frustrating for both of us when he can't explain what he was trying to do or what he wants, only just sit there and cry and say, "Help, mommy. Help. Aggigator." (This morning I had to go through half a dozen, "Is this the website you wanted?" before we found the right site, and then half a dozen more "Is this the game you wanted?" before we found the right screen.). We also had to switch him to a one-button mouse because he kept right-clicking on flash animations, which puts up a little box you can't just get rid of by clicking somewhere else. And I have to get up every five minutes or so and pick up the mouse and move it back to the center of the workspace because he gets mad that he can't move the pointer low enough to click on something without the mouse falling off the table. But he's pretty sure he's cool because he can use the computer by himself now. (And now you know why I keep all those old computers sitting around set up. If he clicks all over and fries the hard drive, which has happened before to other of my toddlers, we just throw it away and hook up another old computer. No great loss.). And I think it's pretty cool that my toddler can stay busy by himself long enough that I can do insane things like go potty or take a shower ALL BY MYSELF.
We took the kids out to hang out with a naturalist who had a telescope and a lot of knowledge, and we watched the Perseid meteor shower together. Boy, that guy can tell ancient myths so that they are more interesting than any movie you've ever seen. Perseus and Andromeda was suddenly the most exciting story ever told!
Also we're doing the usual round of dishes, dinners, shopping, reading to people, trash, baths (these got put on hold yesterday, though, because one of the kids lost the bathtub plug. Again. Last time I found it on the roof.).
There has been a measure of "How are we going to get a trip to Nebraska to work for all of us," since Tim got a gig there.
What else? Trying to set my brother in Utah up on a blind date with a girl in Utah--going through me in CO and my friend in New Zealand. Go figure.
Spent a lot of time on the phone this week getting news from home as the parents get geared up to leave on a mission in a month and my sister just had a baby. (Hooray Beth!).
So, yeah. Normal life. Not much to report.
Well.....
I've calculated the number of school lessons I want each child to do in a year, and I've been going through their curricula one at a time (that's 5 years worth of learning), checking each lesson that's on there to be sure I didn't overdo one thing or not cover another. I've been also searching out lessons online to fill in the gaps (I figure the big kids need 2100 lessons for the year, and Nathanael needs 720. That's a lot of ABC videos and color games on a preschool level!).
We started school a week ago, so we've been getting used to doing that every day again.
I gave Caleb a standardized test to satisfy the homeschooling law. Without even doing most of 3rd grade math, he ended up in the 92nd percentile overall. The law states you have to be above the 17th percentile to continue homeschooling, so we have no problems there. We're also trying to finish 3rd and 4th grade math for Caleb this year, so that he's not behind anymore.
I came to the conclusion that it's easier to just tell everyone what grades my kids are in by age instead of ability level. So they are now in K, 2, and 4. Never mind that "2" in our house means college biology, 3rd grade language arts, and 2-4th grade math all in one year. Never mind that 4 means college history and biology. He's just in 4th grade, and our curriculum is a little different from yours, that's all! (Or not, since so many of you have gifted kids, too!).
The downstairs toilet flusher arm broke (the nut cracked and fell off), so I bought a new one and installed it. Then the upstairs toilet flusher arm broke (the arm itself cracked and fell off), so I recycled the old one I'd removed and used it with the still-good nut from upstairs and fixed it. I love having just a little mechanical ability--saves us lots of stress, time, and money, and allows me to fix things even when Tim is out of town or busy.
Nathanael taught himself how to use the computer mouse to point and click (still can't click and drag yet, but we'll get there). That's pretty good for a guy who is still learning the names of the foods he eats! So I've spent a deal of time teaching him how to use the computer. I had to teach him what an arrow was and what sparkles were so he could use starfall.com, which is very toddler-friendly and educational. He's only 19 months old, so teaching introductory computer science is a little tricky, and we sometimes have tears when he can't get a non-link to do something (you mean you can't click on anything on the screen and get action?), or when he gets to the wrong page and doesn't know how to go back. It's especially frustrating for both of us when he can't explain what he was trying to do or what he wants, only just sit there and cry and say, "Help, mommy. Help. Aggigator." (This morning I had to go through half a dozen, "Is this the website you wanted?" before we found the right site, and then half a dozen more "Is this the game you wanted?" before we found the right screen.). We also had to switch him to a one-button mouse because he kept right-clicking on flash animations, which puts up a little box you can't just get rid of by clicking somewhere else. And I have to get up every five minutes or so and pick up the mouse and move it back to the center of the workspace because he gets mad that he can't move the pointer low enough to click on something without the mouse falling off the table. But he's pretty sure he's cool because he can use the computer by himself now. (And now you know why I keep all those old computers sitting around set up. If he clicks all over and fries the hard drive, which has happened before to other of my toddlers, we just throw it away and hook up another old computer. No great loss.). And I think it's pretty cool that my toddler can stay busy by himself long enough that I can do insane things like go potty or take a shower ALL BY MYSELF.
We took the kids out to hang out with a naturalist who had a telescope and a lot of knowledge, and we watched the Perseid meteor shower together. Boy, that guy can tell ancient myths so that they are more interesting than any movie you've ever seen. Perseus and Andromeda was suddenly the most exciting story ever told!
Also we're doing the usual round of dishes, dinners, shopping, reading to people, trash, baths (these got put on hold yesterday, though, because one of the kids lost the bathtub plug. Again. Last time I found it on the roof.).
There has been a measure of "How are we going to get a trip to Nebraska to work for all of us," since Tim got a gig there.
What else? Trying to set my brother in Utah up on a blind date with a girl in Utah--going through me in CO and my friend in New Zealand. Go figure.
Spent a lot of time on the phone this week getting news from home as the parents get geared up to leave on a mission in a month and my sister just had a baby. (Hooray Beth!).
So, yeah. Normal life. Not much to report.
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