First Lines

Nathan Bransford (see sidebar for link to his blog) recently had a first line contest, and I learned a lot. I was already puzzling over the first line of my novel. I knew it was wrong, but, ever since I cut the old introduction, I haven't been able to figure out what to write. Reading the top ten entries in Mr. Bransford's contest helped a lot.

The old first line: "Kate hated to read. That's not entirely true. She hated to read fiction." I really liked it, and I still do, but I couldn't see starting a YA novel with an essay on the main character's relationship to books (as a description of who she is in general). I wanted to start with action--something that would suck you right in, instead of something that makes you say, "Oh."

There were many interim first lines, prologues, introductions, first five pages (I think I rewrote the first five pages at least 20 times, eventually reducing 50 pages to 2), flashbacks, dialogues, action, etc. I moved the beginning forward and back, trying to puzzle out the best starting point that gave me the right balance of a "dead body in the first line," as Miss Snark recommended (I wonder if she is the agent for Sarah Graves, who writes the "Home Repair is Homicide" series? She would approve, I think), and enough backstory and character development that you care about the main character. I realize the start of the story is the point where the character can no longer turn back--in this case, she's literally stepping through a door--but it didn't feel right to start right there in the first paragraph or you really don't care that she can't turn back.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I was trying to balance the dual needs for compelling action and a compelling character. The two requirements are not necessarily at odds--I just couldn't seem to get them both into the first paragraph. It just wasn't interesting. It didn't "suck you in."

It helped when I rewrote (not revised; not edited--actually deleted and started over) the first third of the book. Then Tim suggested a first line concept that really caught my fancy, and I'm testing it out.

So now, for your review and comments, the current first sixty words or so of The Poison Spindle Problem:

"Death by cookie.

No. That was a terrible first line for a novel.

Besides, it defeated the purpose. The reason Kate was trying to figure out what the first line would be if this were a novel instead of real life was to distract herself from the probable outcome of being locked in a crate and carried off by costumed kidnappers."

From there, we go back 12 hours and cover who she is and how she got into the box and why she's talking about cookies, and come back to this exact section, expanded some, about 10 pages later as the beginning to chapter 2.

What do you think? Most specifically: Does It Make You Want To Read More?