Wow. Now that is one STRONG toddler.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Thursday, April 07, 2011
This is a must read
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristin-neff/self-compassion_b_843721.html
I think the analysis here is good. Self-compassion is a great concept. I'd probably also add that the right approach to life seems to be not to have self-esteem, but to forget yourself and get to work. Lose yourself to find yourself. And also to get some understanding of God's love for you. That matters more than you loving yourself, than esteeming yourself highly, than being right or special. But certainly to stop competing with the world to be better and instead settle in to having compassion for yourself (instead of having to be perfect all the time) is a great start.
Tim noted once that when singers have a need to hear themselves, to constantly check their own performances, they often end up singing out of tune because it helps them pick their own voices out of the mix if they're a little sharp.
I think people do that in general. When you're so concerned about how you look to others, how you are coming across, and if you measure up to a standard you've concocted for yourself, you end up out of tune.
Beautiful singing doesn't come from more attention to yourself in performance. It comes from trusting yourself and giving your all to your audience.
I've often had to remind myself that God doesn't need heroes and martyrs. Not from most of us. Mostly he needs masses of people who are obedient. He needs us to forget ourselves and get to work--not on ourselves, but on helping other people be happy, on serving their needs (not our own), on HIS work. And that makes us happy. (So does that mean that forgetting ourselves is the most selfish decision we can make? I think it does.).
So this was a great article, reminding me to stop thinking about me so much and start being kind to myself.
I think the analysis here is good. Self-compassion is a great concept. I'd probably also add that the right approach to life seems to be not to have self-esteem, but to forget yourself and get to work. Lose yourself to find yourself. And also to get some understanding of God's love for you. That matters more than you loving yourself, than esteeming yourself highly, than being right or special. But certainly to stop competing with the world to be better and instead settle in to having compassion for yourself (instead of having to be perfect all the time) is a great start.
Tim noted once that when singers have a need to hear themselves, to constantly check their own performances, they often end up singing out of tune because it helps them pick their own voices out of the mix if they're a little sharp.
I think people do that in general. When you're so concerned about how you look to others, how you are coming across, and if you measure up to a standard you've concocted for yourself, you end up out of tune.
Beautiful singing doesn't come from more attention to yourself in performance. It comes from trusting yourself and giving your all to your audience.
I've often had to remind myself that God doesn't need heroes and martyrs. Not from most of us. Mostly he needs masses of people who are obedient. He needs us to forget ourselves and get to work--not on ourselves, but on helping other people be happy, on serving their needs (not our own), on HIS work. And that makes us happy. (So does that mean that forgetting ourselves is the most selfish decision we can make? I think it does.).
So this was a great article, reminding me to stop thinking about me so much and start being kind to myself.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Orchid Child
From a facebook update from Science News (how do you cite FB sources?): "A Swedish expression that translates as “orchid child” refers to a youngster who blossoms spectacularly if carefully nurtured but withers badly if neglected. Scientists have now identified gene variants that may help to cultivate orchid children by heightening their sensitivity to both good and bad parenting." (the article is here: http://www.sciencenews.org/view/generic/id/72280/title/Genetic_roots_of_orchid_children)
I find this a fantastic phrase.
I'm pretty sure I have an orchid child or two. Or three. Maybe six. We'll see on the last few.
They are "normal" kids to me, but people tell me all the time that I have kids who "need a lot of time and attention." I thought all kids did, but my doctor even mentioned it. I guess I have unique children. But I like the idea of thinking of them as orchids instead of as "weird" or "broken" or as "alien" children.
Perhaps my blog should be called, "On the Care and Feeding of Orchids." I write more about the adventures raising the kids than I do about the adventures of travelling.
The concept is great, though.
Monday, April 04, 2011
Having "the talk"
Anda and I had "the talk" about the facts of life a couple of days ago. She asked about it.
Most kids might ask something like, "Where do babies come from?"
Anda asked, "Mom, how do they ensure that the sperm gets close enough to the egg to guarantee fertilization in humans?"
Most kids might ask something like, "Where do babies come from?"
Anda asked, "Mom, how do they ensure that the sperm gets close enough to the egg to guarantee fertilization in humans?"
Sunday, April 03, 2011
What's on my mind
A phrase keeps running through my head. It is "to BEG forgiveness."
That's what I've been thinking about for several days now.
Forgiveness is not sought in demanding, nor in explaining, lecturing, justifying, or wishing. We can ask for forgiveness, but the phrase we hear most often is "to beg forgiveness." Or even "beg pardon."
Either way, we beg.
If you think about what that one word means, it tells you a lot about what a repentant soul feels like (and acts like).
They beg. Tearfully, perhaps.
They never demand.
That's what I've been thinking about for several days now.
Forgiveness is not sought in demanding, nor in explaining, lecturing, justifying, or wishing. We can ask for forgiveness, but the phrase we hear most often is "to beg forgiveness." Or even "beg pardon."
Either way, we beg.
If you think about what that one word means, it tells you a lot about what a repentant soul feels like (and acts like).
They beg. Tearfully, perhaps.
They never demand.
Friday, April 01, 2011
Night?
Yesterday, I was determined to get everyone to bed early. At 2:00 am. That was my goal. So I got everyone up early so they'd be tired.
Big mistake.
When I'm too tired, I don't think clearly enough to do things "right" to get to bed early.
Anda had been invited to a birthday party, and the boys were immensely jealous. To get them to stop crying and yelling at me over it (as if I had any control over the guest list!), and knowing the fussiest one only likes parties for the treats, I promised them birthday party food at home, too.
But I was too tired to make both that and breakfast and lunch. One of the cake layers fell, so I stuffed the hollow with marshmallows in the frosting to the cake would layer properly. So we had chocolate cake with fudge frosting and marshmallows for a late breakfast.
Then I needed popsicle sticks for a project we were working on (a chart to improve the "flow" of our school day). Sleepily not thinking through the details, I handed out popsicles to everyone and said "Eat these and give me the sticks." Then nobody wanted lunch. So we had popsicles for lunch.
By a few minutes before dinner (we planned hamburgers), everyone was crying, fighting, or spacing out. Benji had fallen dead asleep in the tent in the baby's room. Finally, Anda looked at me and said, through her tears, "Too much sugar! Don't EVER do that to us again!"
So we ate dinner.
But Nathanael was so exhausted, he fell dead asleep crouched like a little frog across the seat of his chair in the middle of the meal.
Me being sleepy, I thought the boys might stay asleep for the night. It was midnight, after all.
So at 1:30, I called everyone to have their last snacks and we started our bedtime routine. Oh, the kids realized just then they hadn't finished school yet! So they were scrambling to finish (or I wouldn't read to them in their room). Meanwhile, I realized Elijah had been dead asleep in my arms for an hour and he looked like he was out for the night.
Just at 2:00, Benji strolled in. Wide awake. He'd had a nightmare that spiders were breaking through the ceiling and they killed him and, according to his report, he died. In his dream. SO the kids all played "killing spiders" to help Benji feel better. It worked, but it got everyone all worked up, too.
Finally got everyone settled into their beds at 3:00 am. And then I discovered that somewhere in the bedtime chaos, the kids had woken Nathanael. And he managed to wake Elijah.
So I read to everyone, put them all in bed, and THEN Daniel mentioned that I had promised them cocoa and ice cream with their party food, and we'd skipped that. He refused to sleep until I kept my promise, which he'd been thinking about for three days straight.
Curses on rash promises!
I told him I'd get those things for him after the little boys went to sleep and begged him to stay in bed. An hour later, the little boys were still awake and Dan wandered out and asked if he could quietly draw pictures.
Sure, I said, not realizing that Benji would watch and make all the sound effects and dialogue for the action pictures Dan was drawing.
Did I mention that Benji has no volume control? And that he's stuck on "LOUD" all the time?
And that by now it was 4:30 am and everyone was still going strong?
At some point before 5:00 am, Benji disappeared. I found him sleeping, snuggled up to Anda on her bed.
And I found Anda was actually still awake.
Did I mention she had to be up to get ready for school by 7:30 am? Yeah. 2 1/2 hours.
Half an hour later, Dan was still up but Nathie had consented to lay in Daddy's bed with a bottle of milk and go to sleep. So I finally, grouchily, with a lot of near-shouting, got Daniel his promised ice cream cone and heated water for his cocoa.
Nathie heard the noise and had to have an ice cream cone, too.
And then who should appear but Caleb. "Is that vitamins or ice cream you just gave them?"
I sent him back to bed. He had to be getting up for school in TWO hours! And when I did, I noticed Anda was just trying to be asleep, but wasn't asleep.
Dan finished his ice cream and insisted on cocoa, which I gave him with a scolding for not being willing to wait until tomorrow as I'd been begging him to do for 3 hours by then. (Darn that decision I made to always keep my promises to my kids so they would trust me. And I could have shot myself for not thinking clearly when I made the promises!).
Meanwhile, Nathanael couldn't finish his ice cream. He was too tired. Somewhere in there, Elijah fell asleep, too, but Nathanael's fussing woke him. So Daniel sweetly thanked me for keeping my promise and then put himself to bed and fell right to sleep.
And I quickly found myself rocking Nathanael in my lap and using my foot to rock Elijah in the car seat. They both fell asleep right at dawn.
I staggered into my room and slept for exactly one hour before I had to wake the kids for school.
While they were getting ready, Anda just started crying. I said, "What's the matter?" "I'm just too tired!" The kids know that out-of-the-home school is always optional, never required. So she opted out today and went back to bed. Caleb, despite troubles with the seams on his socks bugging him, went to school. He had been practicing a magic trick to do for the school talent show for a week, and he wasn't about to miss the auditions!
We have no car, so I had arranged for one of the other families to give him a ride. Did I remember to mention that in the foggy, sleep-deprived chaos the day before I had managed to make two cheesecakes? Finally discovered the secret of perfect cheesecake in my oven (baking them at 300 instead of 325). So I made one for us to test it, and when it worked I made another to give to the family taking Caleb to school to thank them.
So Caleb went off to school on 2 hours of sleep, to attend a school that runs exactly concurrently with our usual night. (It would be like sending your kids to school from 11:00 pm until 5:00 am).
I was worried about Caleb making it through the day, so I left the phone on. But I went back to bed.
At 11:30, the phone rang. Worried that it was Caleb saying he didn't get to audition for some reason (like he forgot to sign up), I hopped out of bed and ran to answer it.
It was the furnace technician, asking if he could come in half an hour to measure the space for the new furnace.
Yes, of course. So I threw my clothes on and went back to bed until he arrived.
Then I sat there while he measured. I remembered to ask him what kind of furnace they were installing? He said, "It's a 90% efficient Payne furnace, made by Carrier. We're required to install the furnaces that are highest rated by Consumer Reports because we do all the maintenance for them for free as long as you're on LEAP" (so for at least this year, and, depending on how Tim's career is going, maybe for a couple of years).
Vaguely, my brain told me that all products would be improved if the companies had to do all service on them free for the life of the product......
Then he left and I went back to bed.
Sometime shortly after noon, my brother called asking for a recipe. Normally, I wouldn't have answered--I would have gone back to bed, but I'm particularly fond of my brothers and would never turn down a chance to talk to them. So I answered it and chatted with him, and then typed up and emailed him a recipe I thought he'd like.
Then I went back to bed.
An hour later, the dentist's office called. I was still worried it was Caleb calling, so I hopped out of bed again. This time, I missed the call and didn't call back. I was too sleepy by then. But I did check the message on my email to see what they wanted.
Then I went back to bed.
At 3:20, Caleb and his friend (who was bringing him home) knocked on the door. Caleb was cheerfully home, none the worse for the lack of sleep, and his friend said thanks for the cheesecake, they love cheesecake.
I tried to send Caleb back to bed, but then Nathanael drifted out of bed. Then Elijah woke up and I had to feed him. Then Benji woke up. And it was 3:30 pm, after all. NOT time to go back to bed, even on my shifted schedule.
And did I mention that I also had to deal with the usual things that wake moms at night--had to nurse the baby once or twice, had to hold Nathanael until he fell back asleep (we're getting him off bottles at night, but that means he's learning how to self-soothe all over again, and that takes contact with mommy), had to push Dan out of the way and send him to another bed because he'd twisted around in bed and was kicking Elijah in his sleep, had to send Benji potty and try to convince him to go back to sleep in his bed (but I found him snuggled up to Dan, head-to-feet, when I sent Dan out of my bed).
In other words, I haven't slept enough in two days now.
Everyone is sleepy. Everyone is spacey. Everyone is grouchy.
Oh, and did I mention they ate the leftover chocolate cake for breakfast because I was too tired to manage?
Here we go again.....
Big mistake.
When I'm too tired, I don't think clearly enough to do things "right" to get to bed early.
Anda had been invited to a birthday party, and the boys were immensely jealous. To get them to stop crying and yelling at me over it (as if I had any control over the guest list!), and knowing the fussiest one only likes parties for the treats, I promised them birthday party food at home, too.
But I was too tired to make both that and breakfast and lunch. One of the cake layers fell, so I stuffed the hollow with marshmallows in the frosting to the cake would layer properly. So we had chocolate cake with fudge frosting and marshmallows for a late breakfast.
Then I needed popsicle sticks for a project we were working on (a chart to improve the "flow" of our school day). Sleepily not thinking through the details, I handed out popsicles to everyone and said "Eat these and give me the sticks." Then nobody wanted lunch. So we had popsicles for lunch.
By a few minutes before dinner (we planned hamburgers), everyone was crying, fighting, or spacing out. Benji had fallen dead asleep in the tent in the baby's room. Finally, Anda looked at me and said, through her tears, "Too much sugar! Don't EVER do that to us again!"
So we ate dinner.
But Nathanael was so exhausted, he fell dead asleep crouched like a little frog across the seat of his chair in the middle of the meal.
Me being sleepy, I thought the boys might stay asleep for the night. It was midnight, after all.
So at 1:30, I called everyone to have their last snacks and we started our bedtime routine. Oh, the kids realized just then they hadn't finished school yet! So they were scrambling to finish (or I wouldn't read to them in their room). Meanwhile, I realized Elijah had been dead asleep in my arms for an hour and he looked like he was out for the night.
Just at 2:00, Benji strolled in. Wide awake. He'd had a nightmare that spiders were breaking through the ceiling and they killed him and, according to his report, he died. In his dream. SO the kids all played "killing spiders" to help Benji feel better. It worked, but it got everyone all worked up, too.
Finally got everyone settled into their beds at 3:00 am. And then I discovered that somewhere in the bedtime chaos, the kids had woken Nathanael. And he managed to wake Elijah.
So I read to everyone, put them all in bed, and THEN Daniel mentioned that I had promised them cocoa and ice cream with their party food, and we'd skipped that. He refused to sleep until I kept my promise, which he'd been thinking about for three days straight.
Curses on rash promises!
I told him I'd get those things for him after the little boys went to sleep and begged him to stay in bed. An hour later, the little boys were still awake and Dan wandered out and asked if he could quietly draw pictures.
Sure, I said, not realizing that Benji would watch and make all the sound effects and dialogue for the action pictures Dan was drawing.
Did I mention that Benji has no volume control? And that he's stuck on "LOUD" all the time?
And that by now it was 4:30 am and everyone was still going strong?
At some point before 5:00 am, Benji disappeared. I found him sleeping, snuggled up to Anda on her bed.
And I found Anda was actually still awake.
Did I mention she had to be up to get ready for school by 7:30 am? Yeah. 2 1/2 hours.
Half an hour later, Dan was still up but Nathie had consented to lay in Daddy's bed with a bottle of milk and go to sleep. So I finally, grouchily, with a lot of near-shouting, got Daniel his promised ice cream cone and heated water for his cocoa.
Nathie heard the noise and had to have an ice cream cone, too.
And then who should appear but Caleb. "Is that vitamins or ice cream you just gave them?"
I sent him back to bed. He had to be getting up for school in TWO hours! And when I did, I noticed Anda was just trying to be asleep, but wasn't asleep.
Dan finished his ice cream and insisted on cocoa, which I gave him with a scolding for not being willing to wait until tomorrow as I'd been begging him to do for 3 hours by then. (Darn that decision I made to always keep my promises to my kids so they would trust me. And I could have shot myself for not thinking clearly when I made the promises!).
Meanwhile, Nathanael couldn't finish his ice cream. He was too tired. Somewhere in there, Elijah fell asleep, too, but Nathanael's fussing woke him. So Daniel sweetly thanked me for keeping my promise and then put himself to bed and fell right to sleep.
And I quickly found myself rocking Nathanael in my lap and using my foot to rock Elijah in the car seat. They both fell asleep right at dawn.
I staggered into my room and slept for exactly one hour before I had to wake the kids for school.
While they were getting ready, Anda just started crying. I said, "What's the matter?" "I'm just too tired!" The kids know that out-of-the-home school is always optional, never required. So she opted out today and went back to bed. Caleb, despite troubles with the seams on his socks bugging him, went to school. He had been practicing a magic trick to do for the school talent show for a week, and he wasn't about to miss the auditions!
We have no car, so I had arranged for one of the other families to give him a ride. Did I remember to mention that in the foggy, sleep-deprived chaos the day before I had managed to make two cheesecakes? Finally discovered the secret of perfect cheesecake in my oven (baking them at 300 instead of 325). So I made one for us to test it, and when it worked I made another to give to the family taking Caleb to school to thank them.
So Caleb went off to school on 2 hours of sleep, to attend a school that runs exactly concurrently with our usual night. (It would be like sending your kids to school from 11:00 pm until 5:00 am).
I was worried about Caleb making it through the day, so I left the phone on. But I went back to bed.
At 11:30, the phone rang. Worried that it was Caleb saying he didn't get to audition for some reason (like he forgot to sign up), I hopped out of bed and ran to answer it.
It was the furnace technician, asking if he could come in half an hour to measure the space for the new furnace.
Yes, of course. So I threw my clothes on and went back to bed until he arrived.
Then I sat there while he measured. I remembered to ask him what kind of furnace they were installing? He said, "It's a 90% efficient Payne furnace, made by Carrier. We're required to install the furnaces that are highest rated by Consumer Reports because we do all the maintenance for them for free as long as you're on LEAP" (so for at least this year, and, depending on how Tim's career is going, maybe for a couple of years).
Vaguely, my brain told me that all products would be improved if the companies had to do all service on them free for the life of the product......
Then he left and I went back to bed.
Sometime shortly after noon, my brother called asking for a recipe. Normally, I wouldn't have answered--I would have gone back to bed, but I'm particularly fond of my brothers and would never turn down a chance to talk to them. So I answered it and chatted with him, and then typed up and emailed him a recipe I thought he'd like.
Then I went back to bed.
An hour later, the dentist's office called. I was still worried it was Caleb calling, so I hopped out of bed again. This time, I missed the call and didn't call back. I was too sleepy by then. But I did check the message on my email to see what they wanted.
Then I went back to bed.
At 3:20, Caleb and his friend (who was bringing him home) knocked on the door. Caleb was cheerfully home, none the worse for the lack of sleep, and his friend said thanks for the cheesecake, they love cheesecake.
I tried to send Caleb back to bed, but then Nathanael drifted out of bed. Then Elijah woke up and I had to feed him. Then Benji woke up. And it was 3:30 pm, after all. NOT time to go back to bed, even on my shifted schedule.
And did I mention that I also had to deal with the usual things that wake moms at night--had to nurse the baby once or twice, had to hold Nathanael until he fell back asleep (we're getting him off bottles at night, but that means he's learning how to self-soothe all over again, and that takes contact with mommy), had to push Dan out of the way and send him to another bed because he'd twisted around in bed and was kicking Elijah in his sleep, had to send Benji potty and try to convince him to go back to sleep in his bed (but I found him snuggled up to Dan, head-to-feet, when I sent Dan out of my bed).
In other words, I haven't slept enough in two days now.
Everyone is sleepy. Everyone is spacey. Everyone is grouchy.
Oh, and did I mention they ate the leftover chocolate cake for breakfast because I was too tired to manage?
Here we go again.....
Did I just read that?
Wow. This headline is so fantastic, I don't know what to make of it!
"Arrest of Longmont man involves kidnapping of woman, drugs and Nazis
Greeley Tribune - Mike Peters - 3 hours ago"
"Arrest of Longmont man involves kidnapping of woman, drugs and Nazis
Greeley Tribune - Mike Peters - 3 hours ago"
In order to arrest him, they had to kidnap a woman, some drugs, and some Nazis? Where did they find Nazis to kidnap?
A portrait of....
So so so many people I know. You might find yourself in there, or you just might understand me (and my husband, kids, siblings, and parents) much better.
This is us:
http://giftedforlife.com/1401/characteristics-of-giftedness/
This is us:
http://giftedforlife.com/1401/characteristics-of-giftedness/
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Benji Says,
Upon seeing the baby spit up, Benji said, "Mom! Wijah throwed up--with frosting!"
He also calls cheesecake "frosting cake."
Hmmmmm...
(He did clean the spit up off the floor for me, though.)
He also calls cheesecake "frosting cake."
Hmmmmm...
(He did clean the spit up off the floor for me, though.)
Did I just read that?
"Teen Pistol-Whipped Mom to Buy Her a Car, Sheriff Says"
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/28/teen-pistol-whipped-mom-buy-car-sheriff-says/#ixzz1HyVgfL9C
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/28/teen-pistol-whipped-mom-buy-car-sheriff-says/#ixzz1HyVgfL9C
I'm not grasping exactly how this works. You assault your mother, and that somehow gets her a new car? But you still have to buy it? So you pay with violence?
I don't get it.
Did I just read that?
"Fla parents charged with killing daughter in court"
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/29/3-utah-caregivers-jailed-disabled-woman-dies/#ixzz1HyUChyxB (They changed the headline for the actual article; this is how it appears on the menu of choices at the bottom of a different article).
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/03/29/3-utah-caregivers-jailed-disabled-woman-dies/#ixzz1HyUChyxB (They changed the headline for the actual article; this is how it appears on the menu of choices at the bottom of a different article).
I can just hear the judge: "GUILTY!"
Of course, you'd think someone would stop them.....
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Wizard of Oz--best first Novel.
I've been reading to the kids every night, and tonight we finished the Wizard of Oz.
Every budding reader should be read that book.
Afterward, I handed it to Daniel and said, “You can read this to yourself.” He said, “No, I can't.” I said, “Everyone in the story had the power to do what they wanted and they just didn't realize it. You do, too.”
He thought about it for a moment and then took the book and surprised himself by reading the entire first page without any trouble. And he knew what the page was talking about, too, and said, “I'm going to finish this book and then read it over and over! I'm going to read all day tomorrow, and I might stop to have other fun, too, but then I'll go right back to reading.”
It really is the best first novel ever.
The Time in Wonderland
I have changed my clocks.
Well, one of them.
I did a little math and put up a clock that tells what time my body thinks it is, just out of curiosity. Turns out my circadian rhythms work perfectly--we have dinner at the same time as everyone else, relatively speaking. Lunch, too. The kids go to bed at 8:00 compared to my 10:00, like a lot of families. But only if you're looking at my clock. The circadian rhythms are perfect the same way my childhood piano was in tune--compared to the other notes on the keyboard, it was perfectly in tune. Compared to other pianos? Not so much. (It wasn't tuneable, actually. The antique strings were too old, according to the expert.).
I wrote "The Time In Wonderland" on the clock face so nobody would get confused. Why Wonderland? Well, our lives are so far different from other people, with us up all night, that if someone else came to live with us, they'd feel like they had fallen down a rabbit hole and landed in the somewhat nonsensical world of Wonderland. (It's also a reference to the Mad Tea Party, where the clock is showing the "wrong" time.). Now that I said that, I realize that perhaps it WILL confuse other people, but it makes it less confusing to my little family.
I realized at church today that people must think we're weird. People probably think I'm a nasty, mean woman who is short tempered, stumbles over her words, and slightly vacant most of the time. They probably think our children are very very strange.
But you know what? I checked the time in Wonderland as I rushed out the door to church. It was 3:00 am. And I'd had a little trouble getting some kids to stay asleep, so we'd only been in bed 3 1/2 hours before we had to get up, and those 3 1/2 hours were interrupted at least 4 times by kids who still wouldn't stay in bed.
When I say "We have a sleep disorder," I'm pretty sure people don't actually comprehend what I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure they think Insomnia, where you lay awake for hours wishing you were asleep, and then you wake up at the "regular time" exhausted. That's NOT us. We live, eat, sleep, interact exactly like other families do. Just like other families, but at the same time they're awake in China.
So the only way I think anyone can comprehend what our experiences are is to tell you the time in Wonderland. How would you feel if they wanted you at church at 3:00 am. With all your kids? What about if they scheduled the primary activities at 1:00 am? What if the dentist always asked you to be there with your 3 year old for a cleaning at 5:30 am? Or if they wanted your kids in school starting at midnight every night? (Wouldn't you suddenly find that homeschooling became a very attractive alternative?)
Next time you stagger out of bed at 3:00 am to use the bathroom, look in the mirror and think, "Becca would be just getting ready for church right now....." And then you might comprehend why I sometimes don't remember your kids names, or I stare off into space, or I'm a little short-tempered with my children (who are a little out of control, a little weepy, who suddenly fall apart for no reason), or I'm just incoherent in general. And you might understand, at least in part, why sometimes we're 2 hours late, and why we keep forgetting to schedule our baby's blessing.
Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (the disorder we have) is basically untreatable. It's incurable.
And, here's the part nobody understands: It doesn't bother us.
Except for church and one day of school per week for the kids, we LIKE being awake when our bodies and brains are most alive. Don't you? That's when we get all our creative work done. That's when we're most cheerful and productive. If we have to live on your sleep schedule, we feel as though we're living with jet lag. Every single day of our lives. We spend hours in the morning in a fog, even if we slept the right number of hours the night before. And we have to skip working on all kinds of great ideas at night (when we have the ideas and also the energy) because we're trying to sleep. And for creative people, that's a curse.
Besides, everyone in the music industry knows that musicians work from 3:00 pm until 3 or 4:00 am. It's not uncommon for Tim to get texts and phone calls from other gigging musicians after midnight. It's not uncommon for rehearsals to end between 9:00 pm and midnight. Recording sessions OFTEN go into the wee hours of the morning. These are work hours for Tim. You hit a concert or play that ends at 9:30 pm (not uncommon), and you go home and go straight to bed. But those musicians you just watched still have 2 or 3 hours of work ahead of them--plus they usually eat dinner AFTER the show (performing is hard work!), and that's when they finally get to interact with their peers, the other musicians who were also working all evening. (So new collaborations, open mic nights for pro musicians, setting up joint gigs, etc. all happen after the show. While you are sleeping.). Tim's sleep disorder is a BLESSING in his industry. He's wide awake, ready to work, perfectly coherent in the middle of your night. And the rest of us being on that schedule is a blessing for our family. Otherwise, we'd never see him--he'd start work right when the kids got home from school, not get home until long after they were in bed, and be sound asleep when they got up in the morning.
So if you find me irresponsible, unresponsive, illogical, ill-tempered....when you are pretty sure all my kids have ADHD or emotional problems and are lost causes...when we all stagger around as if we're drunk, slur our speech, and can't understand what you just said...
consider what time it is in Wonderland.
Well, one of them.
I did a little math and put up a clock that tells what time my body thinks it is, just out of curiosity. Turns out my circadian rhythms work perfectly--we have dinner at the same time as everyone else, relatively speaking. Lunch, too. The kids go to bed at 8:00 compared to my 10:00, like a lot of families. But only if you're looking at my clock. The circadian rhythms are perfect the same way my childhood piano was in tune--compared to the other notes on the keyboard, it was perfectly in tune. Compared to other pianos? Not so much. (It wasn't tuneable, actually. The antique strings were too old, according to the expert.).
I wrote "The Time In Wonderland" on the clock face so nobody would get confused. Why Wonderland? Well, our lives are so far different from other people, with us up all night, that if someone else came to live with us, they'd feel like they had fallen down a rabbit hole and landed in the somewhat nonsensical world of Wonderland. (It's also a reference to the Mad Tea Party, where the clock is showing the "wrong" time.). Now that I said that, I realize that perhaps it WILL confuse other people, but it makes it less confusing to my little family.
I realized at church today that people must think we're weird. People probably think I'm a nasty, mean woman who is short tempered, stumbles over her words, and slightly vacant most of the time. They probably think our children are very very strange.
But you know what? I checked the time in Wonderland as I rushed out the door to church. It was 3:00 am. And I'd had a little trouble getting some kids to stay asleep, so we'd only been in bed 3 1/2 hours before we had to get up, and those 3 1/2 hours were interrupted at least 4 times by kids who still wouldn't stay in bed.
When I say "We have a sleep disorder," I'm pretty sure people don't actually comprehend what I'm talking about. I'm pretty sure they think Insomnia, where you lay awake for hours wishing you were asleep, and then you wake up at the "regular time" exhausted. That's NOT us. We live, eat, sleep, interact exactly like other families do. Just like other families, but at the same time they're awake in China.
So the only way I think anyone can comprehend what our experiences are is to tell you the time in Wonderland. How would you feel if they wanted you at church at 3:00 am. With all your kids? What about if they scheduled the primary activities at 1:00 am? What if the dentist always asked you to be there with your 3 year old for a cleaning at 5:30 am? Or if they wanted your kids in school starting at midnight every night? (Wouldn't you suddenly find that homeschooling became a very attractive alternative?)
Next time you stagger out of bed at 3:00 am to use the bathroom, look in the mirror and think, "Becca would be just getting ready for church right now....." And then you might comprehend why I sometimes don't remember your kids names, or I stare off into space, or I'm a little short-tempered with my children (who are a little out of control, a little weepy, who suddenly fall apart for no reason), or I'm just incoherent in general. And you might understand, at least in part, why sometimes we're 2 hours late, and why we keep forgetting to schedule our baby's blessing.
Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (the disorder we have) is basically untreatable. It's incurable.
And, here's the part nobody understands: It doesn't bother us.
Except for church and one day of school per week for the kids, we LIKE being awake when our bodies and brains are most alive. Don't you? That's when we get all our creative work done. That's when we're most cheerful and productive. If we have to live on your sleep schedule, we feel as though we're living with jet lag. Every single day of our lives. We spend hours in the morning in a fog, even if we slept the right number of hours the night before. And we have to skip working on all kinds of great ideas at night (when we have the ideas and also the energy) because we're trying to sleep. And for creative people, that's a curse.
Besides, everyone in the music industry knows that musicians work from 3:00 pm until 3 or 4:00 am. It's not uncommon for Tim to get texts and phone calls from other gigging musicians after midnight. It's not uncommon for rehearsals to end between 9:00 pm and midnight. Recording sessions OFTEN go into the wee hours of the morning. These are work hours for Tim. You hit a concert or play that ends at 9:30 pm (not uncommon), and you go home and go straight to bed. But those musicians you just watched still have 2 or 3 hours of work ahead of them--plus they usually eat dinner AFTER the show (performing is hard work!), and that's when they finally get to interact with their peers, the other musicians who were also working all evening. (So new collaborations, open mic nights for pro musicians, setting up joint gigs, etc. all happen after the show. While you are sleeping.). Tim's sleep disorder is a BLESSING in his industry. He's wide awake, ready to work, perfectly coherent in the middle of your night. And the rest of us being on that schedule is a blessing for our family. Otherwise, we'd never see him--he'd start work right when the kids got home from school, not get home until long after they were in bed, and be sound asleep when they got up in the morning.
So if you find me irresponsible, unresponsive, illogical, ill-tempered....when you are pretty sure all my kids have ADHD or emotional problems and are lost causes...when we all stagger around as if we're drunk, slur our speech, and can't understand what you just said...
consider what time it is in Wonderland.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Did I just read that?
"GPS leads rescuers to hurt snowmobiler"
The GPS has run amok, and is now leading people to hurt other people. That's not very nice!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Benji says,
"Mom, look in my hair. There's something in my hair."
"What is it?" I ask, looking. "I don't see anything."
"There's something there. Right there. Look. See?" He said.
"I don't see it. You're fine," I said. "What was it?"
"A gray hair," he replied earnestly. "You'd better cut it."
He's 3 years old.
"What is it?" I ask, looking. "I don't see anything."
"There's something there. Right there. Look. See?" He said.
"I don't see it. You're fine," I said. "What was it?"
"A gray hair," he replied earnestly. "You'd better cut it."
He's 3 years old.
Did I just read that?
"As David Ownby, the chief financial officer of Regal Entertainment Group, the nation's largest theater circuit, recently said at an investor presentation, "We sell a bucket of popcorn for about $6. Our cost in that $6 bucket of popcorn is about 15 cents or 20 cents. " http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-ct-popcorn-20110323,0,3759568.story
Wow. We should demand lower prices. Oh, wait. I never buy popcorn at theaters. Costs too much.
Same article: "A 2009 survey based on laboratory tests commissioned by the Center for Science in the Public Interest in Washington found that a large popcorn serving contained as much as 1,460 calories — which is the equivalent of eating nearly three McDonald's Big Macs."
Wow. Breakfast and a tub of popcorn at a movie, and you've had your entire daily intake of calories!
And then the same article contains this great quote: "Just because you happen to be doing something else while you're eating doesn't mean that those 1,000 calories won't stop going to your waistline."
Ouch! Too many negatives. What is she saying? And what was she trying to say?!
Wow. We should demand lower prices. Oh, wait. I never buy popcorn at theaters. Costs too much.
Same article: "A 2009 survey based on laboratory tests commissioned by the Center for Science in the Public Interest in Washington found that a large popcorn serving contained as much as 1,460 calories — which is the equivalent of eating nearly three McDonald's Big Macs."
Wow. Breakfast and a tub of popcorn at a movie, and you've had your entire daily intake of calories!
And then the same article contains this great quote: "Just because you happen to be doing something else while you're eating doesn't mean that those 1,000 calories won't stop going to your waistline."
Ouch! Too many negatives. What is she saying? And what was she trying to say?!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Adventures in Gardening
I have always thought it would be a good idea to have a garden. Not only has the prophet said to plant a garden, it makes good solid sense for people on a tight budget to grow their own food. Plus I'm so worried about the chemicals we use to mass-produce things--it makes sense to grow my own organically.
The problem has always been that we end up on tour with Tim right when the garden needs tending, so we get it planted and then it dies.
Then I read this: http://lds.org/ensign/2011/03/seeds-of-self-reliance?lang=eng
Every other article on planting a garden ever has just made me feel guilty. This one succeeded in making me feel like I can DO it! The key was the idea that we could plant in medium or even small containers, and then if we go on tour we can literally box up our garden and take it to Aunt Donella and let her have the garden (since I know she would appreciate it and care for it and value the produce).
So the kids and I started collecting random containers--anything we think could possibly hold a plant.
We already had an avocado tree growing in a jar in the window sill (from guacamole we made for New Year's Day 2010). We had successfully grown pineapple plants (but not pineapples) from tops we cut off pineapples we bought at the grocery store, and pumpkin plants from seeds we saved from Jack-o-lanterns.
So when I fed the kids a butternut squash, I pulled out a handful of seeds, rinsed them off, and tossed them into some heavy, not-terribly-fertile dirt from near the front door that I spooned carelessly into a large yogurt container. Within a day a blade of grass had sprung up. I guess it was in the dirt already. Now, a couple of weeks of leaving it in the kitchen window sill later, I have 4 squash plants growing in my large yogurt container, and I realize it's too small for them. I'll have to re-plant them somewhere, but I don't know where! I honestly didn't think it would work to save seeds from our dinner and plant them.
But why not? They're good seeds. And we had the squash for dinner anyway.
So then when I opened the bag of carrots to make dinner and found the tops were sprouting, I saved them. Anda found a cereal box and said, "I think this is deep enough that carrots could grow in it! So she filled it full of dirt from the back yard and carefully pushed four carrot tops down into the soil in a nice row, and put it on my balcony. She checked it every day for a week, and the carrot plants were growing! So I went out to check it today and discovered that the cereal box was dissolving from the watering. So I put a grocery bag into a different cereal box and transferred the whole mess (it was a lot easier than it sounds--it just slid out the bottom of the soggy box right into the new, bag-lined box). I have no idea how this will work. It's a double-wide cereal box, but we've never grown carrots before. So we'll see what happens.
Still, I'm excited that things are actually growing! That hasn't happened for us before.
My next musing in strawberries. Can we take a fresh strawberry and plant it with its leaves sticking up and have it grow? Will those tiny seeds germinate?
We also looked up mangoes online. I had dried 15 mangoes just to see what would happen (Tasty is what happened), so I saved the seeds, cracked them to get at the real seed part, and then followed instructions I found online (put them in a plastic bag with a damp paper towel, just like you do with beans to get them to sprout). Hopefully soon we'll have a mango tree, too.
Oh, and Anda re-potted the avocado tree in a shortening container. In dirt. It finally outgrew that jar of water on the windowsill.
The problem has always been that we end up on tour with Tim right when the garden needs tending, so we get it planted and then it dies.
Then I read this: http://lds.org/ensign/2011/03/seeds-of-self-reliance?lang=eng
Every other article on planting a garden ever has just made me feel guilty. This one succeeded in making me feel like I can DO it! The key was the idea that we could plant in medium or even small containers, and then if we go on tour we can literally box up our garden and take it to Aunt Donella and let her have the garden (since I know she would appreciate it and care for it and value the produce).
So the kids and I started collecting random containers--anything we think could possibly hold a plant.
We already had an avocado tree growing in a jar in the window sill (from guacamole we made for New Year's Day 2010). We had successfully grown pineapple plants (but not pineapples) from tops we cut off pineapples we bought at the grocery store, and pumpkin plants from seeds we saved from Jack-o-lanterns.
So when I fed the kids a butternut squash, I pulled out a handful of seeds, rinsed them off, and tossed them into some heavy, not-terribly-fertile dirt from near the front door that I spooned carelessly into a large yogurt container. Within a day a blade of grass had sprung up. I guess it was in the dirt already. Now, a couple of weeks of leaving it in the kitchen window sill later, I have 4 squash plants growing in my large yogurt container, and I realize it's too small for them. I'll have to re-plant them somewhere, but I don't know where! I honestly didn't think it would work to save seeds from our dinner and plant them.
But why not? They're good seeds. And we had the squash for dinner anyway.
So then when I opened the bag of carrots to make dinner and found the tops were sprouting, I saved them. Anda found a cereal box and said, "I think this is deep enough that carrots could grow in it! So she filled it full of dirt from the back yard and carefully pushed four carrot tops down into the soil in a nice row, and put it on my balcony. She checked it every day for a week, and the carrot plants were growing! So I went out to check it today and discovered that the cereal box was dissolving from the watering. So I put a grocery bag into a different cereal box and transferred the whole mess (it was a lot easier than it sounds--it just slid out the bottom of the soggy box right into the new, bag-lined box). I have no idea how this will work. It's a double-wide cereal box, but we've never grown carrots before. So we'll see what happens.
Still, I'm excited that things are actually growing! That hasn't happened for us before.
My next musing in strawberries. Can we take a fresh strawberry and plant it with its leaves sticking up and have it grow? Will those tiny seeds germinate?
We also looked up mangoes online. I had dried 15 mangoes just to see what would happen (Tasty is what happened), so I saved the seeds, cracked them to get at the real seed part, and then followed instructions I found online (put them in a plastic bag with a damp paper towel, just like you do with beans to get them to sprout). Hopefully soon we'll have a mango tree, too.
Oh, and Anda re-potted the avocado tree in a shortening container. In dirt. It finally outgrew that jar of water on the windowsill.
Adventures in Food
Parsnips.
I've always wanted to try parsnips, so I took a little extra from the food budget and bought 4 parsnips. My trusty red cookbook said "use them like vegetables or mash them like potatoes," so I boiled them and mashed them like potatoes.
They were good.
They don't taste like potatoes.
They taste like carrot skins. Anda said, "They're like squash and carrots mashed together." Tim said, "I like these! Like carrots and yams mashed together."
Vegetable-y, though, and not starch-y.
But tasty. I'd like to try glazed carrots and parsnips together. Also, they'd be good in soups.
So now we know, and we're wondering why carrots were the ones that got to be the staple food instead of parsnips. Are they harder to grow? Was it that people liked the color of carrots better? I'm curious.
I've always wanted to try parsnips, so I took a little extra from the food budget and bought 4 parsnips. My trusty red cookbook said "use them like vegetables or mash them like potatoes," so I boiled them and mashed them like potatoes.
They were good.
They don't taste like potatoes.
They taste like carrot skins. Anda said, "They're like squash and carrots mashed together." Tim said, "I like these! Like carrots and yams mashed together."
Vegetable-y, though, and not starch-y.
But tasty. I'd like to try glazed carrots and parsnips together. Also, they'd be good in soups.
So now we know, and we're wondering why carrots were the ones that got to be the staple food instead of parsnips. Are they harder to grow? Was it that people liked the color of carrots better? I'm curious.
Monday, March 21, 2011
My kids are smarter than I am
Anda, playing with the clock, says, "Mom, if we stopped time, would everything freeze?" My 7 yo understands the relationship between space and time without anyone ever even mentioning it to her?
Caleb, working on his math, decides to "simplify" the problem to make it easier to solve: "Six times twelve...that's just two times six squared, so...."
Elijah, age 3 months, screams for books that are out of reach. Today he happily looked at the pages of Math 54 for about 20 minutes! He also looks at the words on the page for longer than he stares at the pictures....
Caleb, working on his math, decides to "simplify" the problem to make it easier to solve: "Six times twelve...that's just two times six squared, so...."
Elijah, age 3 months, screams for books that are out of reach. Today he happily looked at the pages of Math 54 for about 20 minutes! He also looks at the words on the page for longer than he stares at the pictures....
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