Sunday, October 15, 2006

Really Funny Stuff

I've collected (and written) some of these funnies. Time to share:

On a Subway in Provo: "Today is the first day of your life."

On a craigslist "free" posting: "Free Afghan from Afghanistan--with 2 pillow cases!"

On a poster at church: "We specialize in abuse by trained professionals."

On the One Step Home Pregnancy Test: "Step 1....Step 2.....Step 3....Step 4.... Step 5....."

From a file on my computer called "Stupdi Lines Written by Accident", all by me:

"You and your team start interviewing people who are alive. "

"Nobody's sure where Ebola comes from, but it always comes from Africa."

"You need to find everyone who has the disease and take them to the hospital or it will keep spreading." (the hospital is malignant?)

And lines cut from The Poison Spindle Problem:

"She sat with her back in the corner where the two walls met and looked around."

"Pulled the chain from her neck, breaking it."

"The only thing they disturbed were the flies on the compost heaps, which rose in annoyed, buzzing clouds."

"Kate wasn’t a decorator. Not even a chair."

"Pipes appeared wearing a long white nightshirt holding a candle."

"He shuffled across the room and picked it up, turning it over and over."

"When Kate had stepped out of the bath dressed in the gown, pantaloons, and petticoat...."

Thus we see clearly why I keep rewriting. My pronouns and modifiers tend to dangle, become vague, or otherwise mangle the sentences. My favorite is the one about the flying dungheaps, which made it through three versions by me and three other readers before I caught it.

Hope you had a jolly laugh. Now, back to work.

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